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Meet Me Behind the Willow Tree

Updated on January 9, 2019

My Daily Rant 3/16/2011

So I'm cooking dinner tonight when my adorable, funny, yet slightly mischievous 6 year old walks into the kitchen to crack the eggs (it's "breakfast for dinner" night). I can tell she has something on her mind as she's looking a little pensive and is being uncharacteristically quiet.

"Mommy?" she says.

"Today, Gavin asked me if I would meet him behind the willow tree tomorrow."

I think I did a pretty good job of not dumping pancake batter onto the floor.

"What?" I say, certain I misunderstood her. Did I mention she's 6? As in, only 72 months old? That's still practically a baby, right?

"Well, he says he needs to talk to me."

In hindsight, I realize that this was one of those teachable moments; a time when I should choose my words carefully and weigh their impact before unloading them on my innocent spawn. Yet, me being me, I blurt out the first thing that comes to mind.

"Let me tell ya something. When a boy wants you to meet him behind anything, nothing good will ever come of it."

She looks a little startled (which is surprising, because, after having lived with me for 72 months, she's pretty easy to shock).

"Well, he says he just needs to talk to me about something" she says again.

"You tell him that if he has anything to say to you, he can say it on the playground in front of everyone else." I offer this sage advice with authority as I try to choke down the bile that is rising in my throat.

Then I realize something. She could very easily have never told me about this and I would have been none the wiser. Could it be that something her dad and I have instilled in her took hold? Is it possible that sometimes, the rantings we spew at our offspring sink in....even just a little? So I ask her, "What does your heart tell you?" I realize she told me about this because she obviously didn't feel 100% comfortable with this proposition.

"That it's probably not a good idea." She stated simply. I give her a big hug, tell her she's right and we move on to cracking eggs. I don't want to make a huge deal out of this and shove her curiously into the hornet's nest.

Later that evening, as I sit at the dinner table talking to my daughters about their day, I tell my 12 year old about the little boy's request. My pre-teen boy crazy and insanely beautiful daughter's eyes get as big as saucers as she looks at her little sister and says, "The willow tree? The kissing willow tree?" As I sit there slowly experiencing cardiac arrythmia while digesting bacon (something which I assure you is wholeheartedly unpleasant), the little one nods her head as if this is no big deal.

"The WHAT?" I say. Ok, maybe I shout. Just a little.

"Mom, it's where all the little kids go to kiss" my oldest informs me.

"Oh dear god, are you frickin kidding me? They're 6!" I exclaim.

After my atrial episode subsides, I say, "Well, I told Macie it was a bad idea and that anything he has to tell her can be said on the playground, out in the open, right Macie?" She nods her head in emphatic agreement.

Then she says, "Well, I think he just wanted to have a play date. Can we give him your number so his mom can call you and set it up?" This makes the bile begin to rise again, but Macie has a bit of trouble making friends, unlike her social butterfly sibling, so I say, "Well, we can certainly discuss it with her." Wasn't that parentlike and mature of me?

My oldest says, "What the heck are you guys gonna do on a playdate? You do realize he's not gonna wanna play barbies, right?"

It was at this time that the stroke began as Macie says, "Well maybe we'll just play Twister then."

All I could think as I sat there in stunned silence was thank God my husband isn't home right now. It'd be a cryin shame to make these girls orphans when we both die of a stroke.

I was so prepared for this with the older one. Like I said, she is boy crazy, and did I mention very pretty? Plus, she likes to shoot and she likes jeeps and pickups, and knows how to drive a tractor, which she probably doesn't realize now will escalate her on the "cool hot chick" scale later in life. She just had her first boy/girl party last week, and so far, has impressed me exponentially with her judgement, strong sense of self and willingness to stand up for herself and her friends, even to a boy who makes her weak in the knees. But the little one? She's a wild card. She's not even all that interested in boys, in fact, I'm most certain she could kick the arse of any boy in her class. But she's unpredictable. And did I mention she's only 72 months old? Oh I am so not ready for this.

Wine goes well with heart attacks, right?

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    • sunflowerbucky profile imageAUTHOR

      sunflowerbucky 

      8 years ago from Small Town, USA

      Hello Harlan, thanks so much for the prescription. I am going to get it filled as we speak!

    • Harlan Colt profile image

      Harlan Colt 

      8 years ago from the Rocky Mountains

      My girl is 16...

      A good wine that goes well with a heart attack is a nice Argentinian Malbec. Any bottle over $12 is decent, any under is questionable. I prescribe 2 bottles (on hand) per heart attack at least.

      Treat yourself to an aerator too.

      Best wishes

      - Harlan

    • sunflowerbucky profile imageAUTHOR

      sunflowerbucky 

      9 years ago from Small Town, USA

      Hello Lady Wordsmith, thank you for stopping by! I always thought boys hated girls at this age, apparently I was mistaken! Luckily, my little one is still not as enamored with boys as her older sister. It's going to be one heck of a ride!

    • Lady Wordsmith profile image

      Linda Rawlinson 

      9 years ago from Lancaster, UK

      Well, my oh my, things sure are different at your kids' school! I have three boys, and it's the girls who are the predators over here (my youngest boy is still at home - but there is a girl he plays with at nursery who is always trying to cuddle him). Both of my biggest boys have had spells of hating girls because they've just got so sick of being chased for kisses! There have been no fights over my boys yet, as far as I'm aware (I don't mind telling you, my children are all very handsome!) but I think it's only a matter of time. I have had seven-year-old girls coming up to me in the playground after school and asking if they can come over for tea, and Thomas is standing behind them furiously shaking his head and begging me to say no!

      I think I may safely say (for now) that my sons will not be inviting any girls to join them behind any kind of tree in the near future. I hope I can raise them to be perfect gentleman who will always protect a lady's virtue!

      Beautiful writing by the way, I agree with Chris :D It was a pleasure to read, and I look forward to more.

      Linda.

    • sunflowerbucky profile imageAUTHOR

      sunflowerbucky 

      9 years ago from Small Town, USA

      Hello Sue! I have great respect for those who can homeschool their children. I lack the fortitude or insanity (not sure which) to make that a successful endeavor!

    • sueroy333 profile image

      Susan Mills 

      9 years ago from Indiana

      OMG. This was hilarious, in a freaky heart-attack sort of way.

      You are an excellent writer, and you conveyed the horror so well my chest was hurting for you!

      I'm so glad we homeschool (in a treeless area) and my daughter is not allowed to date until she's married.

    • profile image

      BONNIE 

      9 years ago

      Kissing Tree no way in hell !!! the limbs are for other uses ,and this gma will use one on him !!

      Funny but scary , NOT MY MACIE she is only 72 months old BAHHHHHHHHH I so do not like this .

      However i am so glad she came to you that says so much and she didn't lie nor try to hide it GOOD JOB KIDS so proud of all of you. Now to hear what Dad has to say ??

    • sunflowerbucky profile imageAUTHOR

      sunflowerbucky 

      9 years ago from Small Town, USA

      ChrisLincoln! Thank you so much! I often find people get so caught up in the topic they fail to notice the writing itself so that is a great compliment. Especially coming from the hapless househusband!

    • sunflowerbucky profile imageAUTHOR

      sunflowerbucky 

      9 years ago from Small Town, USA

      Stan, honeymoon eh? Yeah, I'm so not ready for that! Sometimes I have to remind myself to enjoy this time, but like I said, makes for great humor stories!

    • sunflowerbucky profile imageAUTHOR

      sunflowerbucky 

      9 years ago from Small Town, USA

      breakfastpop: the nitroglycerin is a fabulous idea! Do you think they have that in a generic form? Checking out jellio now, thanks for the suggestion!

    • sunflowerbucky profile imageAUTHOR

      sunflowerbucky 

      9 years ago from Small Town, USA

      Hello, hello De Greek! so glad you enjoyed the humor in it! Life is much funner when we can make margaritas out of lemons eh?

    • sunflowerbucky profile imageAUTHOR

      sunflowerbucky 

      9 years ago from Small Town, USA

      Hello Ken! I find that the most shocking things are often also the funniest. Using my kids to enhance my comedic allure may be shameful, but I'm doin it anyway! Glad you liked that sentence!

    • sunflowerbucky profile imageAUTHOR

      sunflowerbucky 

      9 years ago from Small Town, USA

      eternalstudent: You would have been howling. The look on Peyton's face when she said "twister" was hilarious!

    • ChrisLincoln profile image

      ChrisLincoln 

      9 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California

      I loved this. The writing that is, not the agony you had to endure. Never have I been so happy to have had sons...

      Up and awesome

      C

    • sunflowerbucky profile imageAUTHOR

      sunflowerbucky 

      9 years ago from Small Town, USA

      Fiddleman, thanks so much for stopping by! No matter how much changes through the generations, there are certainly some "coming of age" things that really are timeless!

    • sunflowerbucky profile imageAUTHOR

      sunflowerbucky 

      9 years ago from Small Town, USA

      Hello resspenser, thanks for the "up vote". I have to admit, it was much funnier when I read it than when it happened!

    • Stan Fletcher profile image

      Stan Fletcher 

      9 years ago from Nashville, TN

      Given the fact that my 'little girl' is on her honeymoon as I type this, your story really cracked me up...Hang on to them while you can. Very funny.....

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 

      9 years ago

      My advice is to keep nitoglycerin tabs in the house. Your ride has just begun. You remind me of jellio_123. Check out her hubs, you have a lot in common and you can swap stories. Up and funny!

    • De Greek profile image

      De Greek 

      9 years ago from UK

      Funyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!! :-)

    • Ken R. Abell profile image

      Ken R. Abell 

      9 years ago from ON THE ROAD

      Good night nurse. Sorry for your shock, but appreciate you turning it into humor. The following almost choked me with laughter.

      "As I sit there slowly experiencing cardiac arrythmia while digesting bacon (something which I assure you is wholeheartedly unpleasant), the little one nods her head as if this is no big deal."

      Hang in there with those girls--your husband has a gun, right? Or at least a big old baseball bat. . .

    • eternalstudent profile image

      eternalstudent 

      9 years ago from Idaho

      Should've stayed for dinner apparently! She's so funny!

    • profile image

      Fiddleman 

      9 years ago

      I love this hub because it reminds me so much of my own childhood. Back then it was a neighbor girl who wanted to meet me behind the willow tree.Ah thanks for the memories.

    • resspenser profile image

      Ronnie Sowell 

      9 years ago from South Carolina

      Fun read, thanks and voted up!

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