Memory lane, a Sad Love Story, and President ERAP Estrada

MEMORY LANE, A woman's journey of the past...... a once in a while glance of yesterday that somehow never ends......

It was the initial episode of ERAP’s darkest years…. When the Filipinos were almost divided by two opposite parties and opinions.. Some were loyal to the President, some were believers of the former administration, and the rest, were probably a combination of people who just wanted a change of government, and people who wanted to be where the party is…. The main focus then was at the senate, during which the intensity of Impeachment trial almost crushed the ground. As the patriotism filled the air, and the people argued in behalf of their choices, I have a different concern…. While most of them were rejoicing for the possible departure of the President from the palace, I’m in my own emotional turmoil, maybe not as worst as what ERAP felt, but the common thing between us was the excruciating pain, a kind of torture that a heart can’t explain… not even a transplant can cure it…..

They said, ERAP abused his power, I think I abused my heart…the pain we both felt is self inflicting. We were the culprit…we both knew the consequences, and yet courageous as we were, we hold on,. I, to what I thought can give me emotional fulfillment, him to what he believed is right.

I met him during the administration before Erap. At that time, the Old man in tobacco was at the peak of his official travel nationwide and abroad…On that year too, on and off relationship developed. It stopped on the first year of ERAP Administration. As some experts ridiculed the new administration, a friend told me about my man’s on-going affair with his officemate, I decided to turn my back on him, hoping to start a new world without him.

On the third year of Erap administration, expert said the President failed to stick to his words “No friends, no relatives, no graft and corruption.”. I failed to build my barrier, we decided to resurrect the relationship, I accepted him with all my heart, believed him that she is just his close friend

Unaffected by the heated arguments arising from the impeachment trial, we became more intimate… Then on cold January 19, afternoon, nearly 6pm,before the refusal of the 11 senators to open the 2nd envelope, he called me up just to tell me he would go home. I chose to be left behind, for official reasons, I offered to go with him to where he parked his car but he begged off, telling me he didn’t want to disturb me in my overtime……the conversation ended with him saying “I love you”…

 Then the eleven senators won, the   2nd envelop can’t be opened…Disappointment arose, people went to EDSA….. I decided to go upstairs, to see from there my someone as he leaves the building premises... Then I saw him went out of the building….with her….On the spot I caught him lying to me…. At the night when the political situation was in chaos, and while I was not so sure of my safety staying in the office, he was with her. ..probably making her feel safe and warm…he just said he loves me, then why with her not with me?

For the first time in my life I sympathized with Erap.. but not as far as my political stand is concern…. I sympathized with him because I know just like me, he did not feel good too…. We both have the night that we can never forget…..It can be a night of realization too…forcing us to look back and see what we’ve done in our lives…

 The following day January 20, more people gathered at EDSA..some to celebrate with the political party, some to just witness the ceremonies, some to express their patriotism….while  I stayed home…. In my bedroom, content myself on witnessing the sudden changed in the government…… at the same time when Gloria Macapagal Arroyo was taking her oath as the New President of the Philippines, I was speaking with him over the phone, telling him I just made a decision…

It was the most serious and I should say the most dramatic conversation that I ever had with him… it was not a good feeling, telling someone you love so much that it’s time to let go of each other, and it’s even more painful to convince him that the relationship had no way to go….it was my third break up proposal and finally I was able to convince him how really bad he made me feel… I must have touched his heart somehow, that may it be out of pity or out of love, without explaining his side, I guess he let me go….

At the end of the conversation I cried, I guess it’s normal, I love him and yet I’m letting him go… I went out of my bedroom..the tv in the living room is on, showing Erap and family moving out of the palace… it was a very touching scene….it melted my already broken heart…. I cried…. Not because I’m a pro-erap, but because I found reason to cry, which can obviously hide the real reason of my misery….

 Many years ago since this story; President Estrada now is a free citizen, in fact place 2nd to PNOY in the President of the Philippines Election, in spite of losing a few points, I think the former President is much much better now as compared to that 2001 nights.

About the lady, she is happy though still single she is happy with every one around her. There is no trace of bitterness in her aura....