...Mistress of Severance...

I have seen that the worse things seem to become the more important it is to maintain some sort of inventory for one self, and one's health in any way possible. Whether this means to stop doing something destructive such as over-eating, smoking, drinking, binging and purging on things that are temporary fixes...I find myself so tired of the work sometimes. Sometimes I just want fries and carbs and ice cream. When the time comes that my arteries are clogged with fat and cholesterol...will all that I ingested have been worth it? Did I even try hard enough to balance it out or pay attention to some kind of moderation? Just looking at a piece of pizza I gain weight and fat. Can I cut out everything that is bad for me and not want to blow myself up?

Some of the things we do will never be right for our mortal bodies. Some of the things we think are filled with doubt and confusion. We ask ourselves questions: Does anyone else feel the same way? Is anyone else struggling with this the way I am? Who cares? Shouldn't I care?

I should, and I do. So banish the chocolate chip cookie dough from the earth so I can live my life as a beanpole. No, this is not the answer. I don't want to be and never will be a beanpole. I resist and detest and am opposed. Then I give in. Maybe because everyone else is doing it. Maybe because I had a bad day. Maybe because I hadn't eaten all day or I went to the gym and ran like an animal. But maybe...just maybe...I wasn't happy about any of that.

I have been going to the gym frequently and each time I do so I am visualizing a better me. Although the process of transformation takes so long to attain, and is never complete, I am learning to appreciate the art of patience. Patience with myself and others, especially my children - and also other people's children. As I work in a restaurant that caters to children, I witness many instances that I find interesting and enlightening.

So as I am putting in my miles on the elliptical maching I am envisioning the energy centers spinning in harmony, health and powerfully aligning themselves within me as I move myself in the motion of a wheel as opposed to a ball. I realize there is a sphere of energy around me, an aura, and I know there are other cycles of movement within the sphere spinning relentlessly as I go.

There comes a time when you will stop and ask yourself how you got so numb to the life you are in. Whether it be a moment or months or years, you will ask yourself what is going on inside. Who are you? Do you yet know? Are you a painter, dancer, singer, creator, architect? Are you a musician, writer, landscaper, beautician, a medical or professional expert? Are you more than this? Do you want to be? Is it possible to balance and maintain something just for you, to make you happy? The time for Severance does come.

Severance will be catalystic. It will be liberation from the daily wheel of the same thing over and over. It will be something natural and organic and wild. It will show you another dimension of yourself that you have been either unaware of, afraid of, or both. For me, one of these things would be learning to play piano. What must I sever to make room for it? Surely there are blockages to my desire. I am pretty sure of what they are, but the work to remove them is daunting. That's how I know - it's something I MUST DO. Right now it is on the horizon of dreams...but I am pretty sure that because my thoughts become things that one day in the not so distant future, it will be a material manifestation that will serve many purposes. The Universe is indeed powerful and the magnetic projections we send out can indeed summon what it is we want - whether it be health, wealth, love or success...its not beyond anyone of us to attain.

So now I will get back to severing that which holds me back, and down...and I will be back again soon...

Until then~

Namaste