- Books, Literature, and Writing»
- Commercial & Creative Writing
Modern Fairy Tale; The Duck , The Ducklings, and the Village of Toidz
Once Upon a Time in the far off kingdom of Hooya, was a little writing village.
One day the Duck appeared and said;
"Writers, you re being ripped off.
You write and you publish and you
get nothing. Hooya gets all the
revenue from those ads you see
climbing all over your prose.
Come with me and we shall create
our own village of writers and you will
share with me all the revenue we gain
from those ads climbing all over your prose."
Dare Not Call It Ponzi
The Writers discussed it, and a small troop of Ducklings followed Duck into the wilderness where he created a village called Toidz.
As the Ducklings began to write and post The Duck saith unto them:
"If each of you would bring in five more writers
I will grant ye this special bonus."
(Sounds like a Ponzi, doesn't it?)
The writers ran to all the villages where there were writers and posted many articles extolling the virtues of their village. They spoke of how much money they gained compared to how little was being made by those in the diverse villages. Soon they had fulfilled their quota and came racing back with their writers in tow.
And The Duck said;
"All of you new writers, come and work,
and when you have reached twenty articles,
go into the villages and bring forth new writers,
and I will grant you this bonus."
The new writers began churning out prose, the old writers were churning out prose, and the ad revenue was just barely covering all the expenses of the village. (This is because the upkeep on Palace Duck was very expensive).
No matter how he did the Math, the Duck could not pay the writers at the exalted figures he had stated. Dare he drop the figures he would entice no writers.
He needed to pay the new writers and his faithful shills the highest revenue to maintain their obedience, which meant that those in the middle needed to somehow be demonetized.
He formulated a new Terms of Service, (actually cut and pasted that from another writing village) and added a paragraph which would give him the copyright of all articles which emulated from his village. Hence when he demonetized those 'middle' writers he would get the money their articles produced. He would pay them nothing and use that revenue to pay new writers and his Ducklings.
Over time, as each new writer brought in five new writers he developed a policy.
1) Pay new writers at the highest possible rate until they reached 100 articles.
2) Claim they broke the rules.
3) Throw them out of the village but keep their writing and use the revenue earned to pay new writers and Ducklings.
This worked very well.
The Nutz and Boltz of It
Firstly, his Ducklings would police the villages. Any demonetized writer who spoke of their experiences in the Toidz village would be hit with rotten fruit.
One of the most active Duckling (and the best shill) was the plumber. This was a man who could write 1000 words on replacing a toilet seat.
The Plumber set up a small office in every village in walking distance and did daily searches to find any writer who spoke against Toidz or the Duck. He would attack anyone, careless of his safety; (he didn't have much to live for).
He was isolated, to some extent, as other Ducklings grew weary. They were tired of attacking those chased from the village for breaking the rules because they realised that no rules had been broken. They knew this epithet of rule breaking was employed as an alternative to saying; "I have to steal your work to pay my Ducklings".
When these tired Ducklings tried to reason with the Duck he chased them from the village. He kept their work as well, although one, who had been more trusted than the plumber, knew how to remove her writing and run with it.
When the ex-Ducklings recounted their experiences in village squares the Plumber and others threw rotten fruit at them.
As more and more people were evicted from Toidz village, and more spoke up, the public became very suspicious of the Toidz village. The plumber and the other Ducklings were booed when they appeared in public, (some were pelted with rotten fruit).
The Duck knew it was time to do something.
The Duck could not change his policy; the work of those chased from the village produced most of the revenue. He had to keep the work.
Statistics proved, however, that less writers were coming to his village and those that did were no better writers than the Plumber; and how many articles on repairing a toilet seat were necessary?
While the Duck was lounging in the sauna at Palace Duck he decided to change the name of his village.
This is because people who saw the sign "Toidz -> 1 Mile" would walk quickly in another direction.
The Duck couldn't use a name anything like "Toidz" and spent so much time thinking about it he almost totally dehydrated. After a dunk in his swimming pool, (olympic sized);
"I Know Jus..." he exclaimed...then stopped...
Yes! He was so excited forgot to put on his pants as he ran down the road to the sign. Quickly he painted out the name "Toidz" and replaced it with Jikno.
Those who had been thrown out of the Toidz village were sitting by a river, watching a naked Duck paint a sign.
When he finished they went to all the villages to announce what The Duck had done.
The Plumber, unaware that the name of the village had changed argued vehemently, claiming everyone else was lying and spreading confusion. Alas, when he tried to go home, he couldn't find it, because he was looking for the sign "Toidz-> 1 Mile", so passed "Jikno -> 1 Mile" (he wasn't very intelligent).
After wandering in the forest for a time a kindly writer of laundry tips took him to the square, There was his Master, The Duck, (who had put on his clothing) schooling the writers;
"Four legs good, Two legs better". This confused the plumber, as he was sure it went the other way. However, he quickly joined the group and once he was able to chant "Toidz gone, Jiknoi here" with some fluency he was again sent out to patrol the villages and throw rotten fruit at anyone who dared write a word against The Duck and Jikno.
******Due to Hate Speech the Original Comment Section Has been Removed.*******