My Darlin' My Contentious One

Darling

My darling how you rant and rave

Leading others to believe I just walked out of a cave

A man so determined to get his say

Putting conditions on all your ways

You and I both know

That I love you with all my heart

But you can be a pain, a flame, a spark

Turning me this way, that way, inside out

Making me doubt who you are, what you are about

Still I come back week after week

Tiptoeing my words, tweaking my tweaks

What more can a man do

When he’s dealing with the likes of you

Yes, I called you, “contentious”

But is so much better than calling one pretentious

Oh, I can only imagine what would have happened…

I mean come on guys

Help me here

This girl is crazy

And yet I can’t live without her

Give this chick an anti-crazy pill

Before she drives me mad

Sends me right over the proverbial hill

One minute she’s all sweet

And loving me for me

Next minute she’s jealous

Roaring like a mountain lion

Some days I want to scream and cry,

“Get with the program girl.

Quit asking why!”

And yet she haunts me like no other

Creeping in my dreams

Slipping under my covers

What is a man to do

With a girl so fretful, fractious and cruel

Yes, I created a plan

One she should have loved

But instead buried in the sand

I’m telling you the girl is crazy

She invents all kinds of things

Making her life and mine

Foggy, Cloudy and Hazy

Misinterpreting most of the time

Some days I think that I should just put her across my lap

Give her a good whooping and see how she likes that

There’s no reasoning with her when her mind is made

She says she’s the realist and I’m the charade

Let me tell you she has more times than one

Got mad at me when I was just having fun

So let her go off on her contentious raid

Pretending to be all jealous of some beautiful woman

I happen to know

As though some other woman

Could take her place in my soul

I’m telling you one and all

This girl is manic, frantic, and transatlantic

She shows up everywhere I go

Expects me to stop everything

Scoop her up in my arms and never let her go

A man’s got to make a living

He can’t give his every moment to her every whim

He must get out and work

Make a little cash for her and him

Why is she crabby, cranky and cross

I’m the one who is at a loss

What more can I do

Articulate more carefully so she will see

That she is all that but there’s also me

All I can say is that when morn comes around

And it’s time for goodbyes before I’m worked bound

I am going to take my little contentious one

Turn that frown upside down

Then I’m going to leave and head for town

Kissing her on her cheek

Spinning her around

So that hopefully by the time I return

My darling will have found no need to rant and rave

That our morning loving will have lingered as if to say

No need for such contentiousness-at least not today