My Father and My Dad

Sometimes in life accepting is quite hard to do
Comparing one to another is an injustice that I do
As each person is unique and different individuals
This is my relationship with fathers who were role models.

My father was my very first best friend and was my Giant Teddy
He would give me piggy back rides even horse ride on his tummy
He used to tell me stories from my colouring books
Later only I found out that they were taken from Bible story books.

For eleven years that I spent with my father I had never seen him fight with mom
Rather he would listen to all my mom’s complains, shouting and screaming at home
He had never even laid a single hand on her when we were around
But according to mom he had slapped her just once as my mom had blasted her mom.

My father was a rugby player, an athlete, a very studious clever young man
But with wrong influence, he was addicted to drinking and smoking since he was a young man
After he had gone abroad and he had come home with mom being very sick
His depression and addiction took a toil on his life so with us he couldn’t stick.

According to mom his friendliness had caused so many misunderstandings
That he was so depressed it made him into being with himself to avoid accusations
My mom said that if it wasn’t for his drinking and smoking
He would have been alive and seen us growing.

At one time I thought it was my fault that he passed away as I was too selfish
I didn’t mind sharing food, cloths, toys even gifts with others but I wanted him to myself
So I used to pinch my brother, made him cry and chase him away from my father
I would sing with him while he played the guitar and that was my favorite thing with my father.

I used to believe that I was responsible for his death as I bought cigarette packets from shop
I didn’t know that all the smoke that he inhale would make his breath stop
If I had known I would have asked God to make him stop smoking before drinking
As God listened to my prayers and made him completely stop his drinking.

All the grownups around me said that my mom is so young and she needs a companion
As she was building this house we are living, and with everything she was juggling and struggling
So God brought my dad, a family friend to her life with what’s been happening
I began to pray for their marriage and after five years they had their wedding.

Had anyone ever regretted after God answered your prayers and did a miracle in your life?
I admit I found it very hard to accept my dad as my father in the family since my mom is his wife
I didn’t really call him dad but introduced to others as my dad without the word ‘step’ to make him more closer
Even though my sis is not his biological daughter, her behavior, use of language and attitudes are just like his as he was her father figure.

My regret began when he said we can speak to him about anything but later felt he poisoned my mom’s mind
My mom started saying that he loves her better than us although we are her children
I admit not the best at completing the chores that she appointed me to do
I admit for being very lazy at household matters so I was annoyed but I let it go.

Then another day in the middle of the night I heard a loud scream
I just assumed it was another fight so got up and went to the living room to find mom
If I hadn’t intervened in anger my dad would have hit my mom with an empty beer bottle
He becomes violent when he feels ignored which makes him very angry enough to throttle.

After seeing me he used foul language, took off and my mom told me to go to sleep
After he calmed down, he took her to a dinner and made up with her as he pleased
I was afraid of him and didn’t even like being around him as he disrespected my mom
I wondered back then as to ‘what kind of a mess am I in now?’

To make matters really worst my mom began to compare my dad and my father
According to her dad was a better man than my father
That’s it! I snapped, with all my heart I detested my dad and was angry with my mom
Most of the time I just played with dad’s grandsons so I was able to avoid them.

It was very difficult to praise and worship God when your heart is full of anger and bitterness
It was very difficult to breathe and go through another day of struggles

It was very difficult to fight my attraction to another person

It was very difficult to avoid the living breathing Mr. Nightmare who haunted.

Until the last two years of my dad’s life that he spent with us I couldn’t give him a chance
The Youth Camp I attended made my depression turn from bad to worst and that gave him that chance
After one and half months later of that church event I attempted suicide but was saved
My dad took me to his house and brought me back to health giving me a different pace.

He took me to beach and swimming with his grandchildren whom I enjoyed the company of
Then he asked his maid to teach me how to cook meals and helping was fun
He took me to another church on Sundays and counseling sessions
Even brought sweets and ice cream tubs of different flavours.

As I was missing my church family I joined the evening service and my both dad and mom came
In the morning they attended St.Theresa's Church and evening because of me they came
I realized the anger and the bitterness with so much of prayers and meditation left my heart
I was even able to face Mr.Nightmare without a single feeling inside of my heart.

Like everybody has their own faults, habits, sets of regrets and different ways of life style
I asked God to help me see the way He sees a person so I could accept and live a blessed life style
I was glad to get to know my dad and his adventures before he too went to be with the Lord
He was really good to my sister and financially supported my mom to the benefit of our world.