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My Favorite Jokes-A collection

Updated on December 25, 2012
Smiling Cat
Smiling Cat | Source

I love corny jokes as well as funnier ones. The following will be a collection of a few of my favorite jokes. Some of these jokes were heard from friends, and some were found on the Internet. Thanks for reading!

Elementary, My Dear Watson

This is actually my favorite joke. So here we go...

Sherlock: The murderer is in that house with the yellow door.

Watson: How in the world did you know?

Sherlock: A lemon entry, my dear Watson!

Salted Peanuts

Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was assaulted.

You Can't Have Your Cake and Heat it Too!

An Eskimo was kayaking in the cold weather. He was very cold, however, and decided to create a fire in the boat even though it was a foolish idea. Obviously, the boat sank, which goes to show that you can't have your kayak and heat it too!

A Panda

A panda walked into a restaurant. He ordered some food, like you normally do in a restaurant, and ate it all, not paying a penny. He was just about to leave, when he pulled out a gun and shot the waiter. Then he abruptly got up to leave. The manager was upset, and he said, "Come on! You eat my food, shoot my waiter, and then you don't even pay!" So the panda replied, "I'm a panda, look it up!" Then the panda left. So later that day the manager looks up the word "panda" in the dictionary.

He finds this: Panda noun- An animal that is relatively large, with black and white spots. Eats chutes and leaves.

Bad Potato!

Someone went out with his parents to a restaurant. It was one of those big fancy restaurants, and everyone was expecting something special. Everything was wonderful, the food was nice, the waiters were friendly, and they were taken to their seats as soon as they walked in the door. As the father was eating his potato, he hurriedly called the waiter. "Waiter, this potato is bad!" he said. So the waiter walked over, picked up his half-eaten potato, and gently hit it. "Bad potato!" she said. "If he causes any more trouble, just call me!", and with that, she walked away.

Baby

A three year old was walking in the park with his mother and his mother's friend Linda. They sat down at a park bench, and the three year old looked at his mother's friend intently, for Linda was having a baby. She told him so, and the three year old's reply was, "Is he in your stomach?"

"Yes, he is in my stomach."

The boy then asked, "Is he a good baby?"

Linda looked confused, then answered, "Yes, he is a very good baby."

At this point, the boy looked at her with a horrified look in his face. "Then why did you eat it?"

A Talking Muffin

This joke is actually not one that I like, but I have a reason for liking it which I will explain at the end of the joke.

There were two muffins in an oven. One said to the other, "Boy, it's hot in here!"

The other one said, "AAAA! A talking muffin!"

You see, the reason I really like this joke is because of how my friend told me. She is someone who can make me laugh no matter how she says things, and she then proceeded to tell me the joke. "There were two muffins in an oven..." she began. As soon as she said those words, I burst into a fit of hysterics! I was laughing so hard that I was on the ground, and when my friends heard the laugh, they all laughed as well (They thought my laugh was funny). They would eventually stop laughing, then they would hear that I was still laughing, and laugh again. But when I stopped laughing, I heard their laugh and started laughing again. This went on for a while, until they asked me why I laughed. It was just the way that she said it, so seriously, but comically, that made me laugh. This is the story of why I liked that joke.

Nancy Drew

I made this one up:

What is Nancy Drew's favorite day of the week?

Wed-Ned-sday!

Add Your Joke

If you like, you can add a joke in the comments section, and if I like it, I will put it on the page. Just tell me if you would not like to have it added or not, and I will add it while giving the proper credit. Thank you for adding to this page!

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