My Final "Good Bye": Epilogue
Thursday November 12, 2009
Silence. That is all that remains.
What words can I say?
The time had arrived. There are not words that can be spoken. There are no words that can be written. There is no description accurate enough to pen. How should I say it? I am not sure. Where do I start? I know not where.
There is only emptiness. An unfathomable pit. A void. Impenetrable darkness. I can sit in this darkness and be engulfed for a period of time but life around me will not stop or even slow down. In the darkness I will not sit. There is life around me which I must focus on. There are so many things that I am lucky for. Blessed, is more accurate.
It is difficult to describe what I am feeling. For once, I am at a loss of words. I am chuckling, as this is a rare occurrence. As always, as I write, the weight is lifted and I feel better. A little more clear. A little bit more light. A ray of hope filters through. Everything that I thought was lost is, but in a way, is not. I can’t explain it in words. Perhaps one day, I will find the right words to say. Maybe.
A new chapter has begun. I hope that his next journey is what he had always dreamt of. He deserves that much, at the very least.
I am sitting here today wanting to say something but not knowing how to put it into the right words. I have, literally, lost my words. So, please bear with me while I try to explain.
I am trying to articulate what I want to because of YOU.
I have borrowed your strength. I have followed your courage. I have found comfort in your words. I have received your love. I have been bestowed your support. You have given me guidance. You have granted me kindness. You have been a friend. You have prayed for us. You have shared my pain. You have held my hand, my heart and my body throughout this ordeal. I am forever grateful to you -- my family and friends, near or far, and especially my friends here at HubPages.
Your thoughts, well wishes and many, many e-mails have helped me find the strength and the courage to accept the final outcome. Thank you for never judging. Thank you for not giving advice. Thank you for your gentle guidance. Thank you for listening. Thank you for sharing your pain of losing one of yours. Thank you for your encouragement. Thank you for the many times you checked in on me. Thank you for reminding me that I am not alone, and during the darkest hours, I felt that I never was. Thank you for the hugs. Thank you for helping me laugh. Thank you for being available.
Because of YOU, I have found the courage to write this. To share the finality of my loss of my Sweet One. YOU have been instrumental in helping me along the road of healing.
With warmth and from my heart,
Saturday, November 14, 2009
© Copyright 2009
To help find your way
My life is but a weaving between my Lord and me,
I cannot choose the colors He worketh steadily.
Oft times He weaveth sorrow, and I in foolish pride
forget He sees the upper but I the under side.
Not till the loom is silent and the shuttles cease to fly,
shall God unroll the canvas and explain the reason why.
The dark threads are as needed in the Weaver's skillful hand,
as threads of gold and silver in the pattern life has planned.
Benjamin Malachi Franklin (1882-1965)