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My Final "Good Bye": Epilogue

Updated on November 14, 2009

Thursday November 12, 2009

 15:47 h

Silence.  That is all that remains.

What words can I say?

The time had arrived. There are not words that can be spoken. There are no words that can be written. There is no description accurate enough to pen. How should I say it? I am not sure. Where do I start? I know not where.

There is only emptiness. An unfathomable pit. A void. Impenetrable darkness. I can sit in this darkness and be engulfed for a period of time but life around me will not stop or even slow down. In the darkness I will not sit. There is life around me which I must focus on. There are so many things that I am lucky for. Blessed, is more accurate.

It is difficult to describe what I am feeling. For once, I am at a loss of words. I am chuckling, as this is a rare occurrence. As always, as I write, the weight is lifted and I feel better. A little more clear. A little bit more light. A ray of hope filters through. Everything that I thought was lost is, but in a way, is not. I can’t explain it in words. Perhaps one day, I will find the right words to say. Maybe.

A new chapter has begun. I hope that his next journey is what he had always dreamt of. He deserves that much, at the very least.

I am sitting here today wanting to say something but not knowing how to put it into the right words. I have, literally, lost my words. So, please bear with me while I try to explain.

I am trying to articulate what I want to because of YOU.

I have borrowed your strength. I have followed your courage. I have found comfort in your words. I have received your love. I have been bestowed your support. You have given me guidance. You have granted me kindness. You have been a friend. You have prayed for us. You have shared my pain. You have held my hand, my heart and my body throughout this ordeal. I am forever grateful to you -- my family and friends, near or far, and especially my friends here at HubPages.

Your thoughts, well wishes and many, many e-mails have helped me find the strength and the courage to accept the final outcome. Thank you for never judging. Thank you for not giving advice. Thank you for your gentle guidance. Thank you for listening. Thank you for sharing your pain of losing one of yours. Thank you for your encouragement. Thank you for the many times you checked in on me. Thank you for reminding me that I am not alone, and during the darkest hours, I felt that I never was. Thank you for the hugs. Thank you for helping me laugh. Thank you for being available.

Because of YOU, I have found the courage to write this. To share the finality of my loss of my Sweet One. YOU have been instrumental in helping me along the road of healing.

With warmth and from my heart,

THANK YOU.

Beth

Saturday, November 14, 2009

© Copyright 2009

 

To help find your way

The Weaver

My life is but a weaving between my Lord and me,
I cannot choose the colors He worketh steadily.

Oft times He weaveth sorrow, and I in foolish pride
forget He sees the upper but I the under side.

Not till the loom is silent and the shuttles cease to fly,
shall God unroll the canvas and explain the reason why.

The dark threads are as needed in the Weaver's skillful hand,
as threads of gold and silver in the pattern life has planned.

Benjamin Malachi Franklin (1882-1965)

Tree of Life
Tree of Life

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    • Beth100 profile imageAUTHOR

      Beth100 

      9 years ago from Canada

      Christoph -- Thank you.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 

      9 years ago from St. Louis

      Peace, dear.

    • Beth100 profile imageAUTHOR

      Beth100 

      9 years ago from Canada

      RevLady -- Thank you for your words of compassion and comfort. I have not visited here in a while, but when I do, I always gain comfort from the love that is given to me from friends, family and fellow writers. Thank you RevLady.

      Dream On -- In my deepest and saddest moments, I hold a picture in my heart and mind of the best memories that we had together. Like a photo album, I flip through the memories. With each, the sadness abates and the light begins to creep in, chasing the dark shadow back. Good, fond and happy memories are a miracle. I thank God for the memories, as he continues to live within me. Thank you Dream On for your kindess. Today, you have touched my heart and helped chase a bit of sadness away. Thanks.

    • DREAM ON profile image

      DREAM ON 

      9 years ago

      Sharing your pain and sadness with friends who care can open up new joys and make room for happiness once again.Your greatest memories will be enjoyed time and time again to bring you through this.With understanding and kindness I hope each day gets a little brighter.Thanks for finding the inner strength for writing this emotional hub.

    • RevLady profile image

      RevLady 

      9 years ago from Lantana, Florida

      For those of us who have suffered significant loss, we empathize with you and have some sense of the anguish you must be experiencing. Grief is painful, profoundly so.

      Yet, it seems you are doing what you can to cope. Sharing here is very therapeutic and offers the comfort of friends in a special, encouraging and healing way.

      Blessings and condolences!

      Forever His,

    • Beth100 profile imageAUTHOR

      Beth100 

      9 years ago from Canada

      Peg -- Your words, kindness and love are helping me. It is difficult, as there are good and bad periods of time. Your comfort has come during a bad spell...and I very much needed to hear some comforting words and feel love and warmth. Thank you for being here for me, and I will not hesitate to call upon you.

    • PegCole17 profile image

      Peg Cole 

      9 years ago from Northeast of Dallas, Texas

      Oh dear, Beth, I'm so so very sorry for your loss. It's clear in your words how heart sick you are. I wish there were adequate words to express how my heart goes out to you in this deep time of sadness. If we have faith, we must forge on in the belief that it is not the end, but only the beginning of a new life. Still, in those hours that are darkest we grieve unashamed, for our own loss. My deepest condolences to you. As you say, we reach out to our virtual friends on this site and derive some comfort. I hope that you will call on me if I can offer any help. Kind regards, Peg

    • Beth100 profile imageAUTHOR

      Beth100 

      9 years ago from Canada

      Maita -- Thank you.

    • prettydarkhorse profile image

      prettydarkhorse 

      9 years ago from US

      hey Beth thats truly touching, bless you my freind, Maita

    • Beth100 profile imageAUTHOR

      Beth100 

      9 years ago from Canada

      Cindyvine -- Thank you.

      Dao Hoa -- Thank you.

    • Dao Hoa profile image

      Dao Hoa 

      9 years ago

      Beth! I am sorry to for your lost. ((HUGS)) from me too.

    • cindyvine profile image

      Cindy Vine 

      9 years ago from Cape Town

      Take care Beth, God bless.

    • Beth100 profile imageAUTHOR

      Beth100 

      9 years ago from Canada

      CC -- I have found some light this week past. Mostly due to the humor that I have read in your poetry as well as many others. I have had many who bring me to laughter and have helped me find the good. You are one of them. Thank you, CC. xx

      Cindy -- I have been thinking of you lately. I've missed seeing you around. I hope that all is well with you. Thank you for your hugs and love.

    • cindyvine profile image

      Cindy Vine 

      9 years ago from Cape Town

      Beth, hugs to you from across the ocean. I can't even imagine how you must be feeling. love Cindy

    • profile image

      ralwus 

      9 years ago

      Dear Beth, I am so sorry. I did not know. My apologies to you and my deepest sympathy also. I reckon I was just too busy. How are you doing dear woman? Another hubber just became a widow within the last week and she informed me, thanking me for helping her that very day for my humor that helped her get through the whole ordeal. I never even knew about it until the next day. I don't know if I could survive if I lost my spouse, I know I wouldn't want to. Bless you dear girl. Love and hugs, CC

    • Beth100 profile imageAUTHOR

      Beth100 

      9 years ago from Canada

      Misty -- I wanted to thank you and all my fellow hubbers and friends who have been here to support me. I honestly feel that I would not have faired so well without everyone's support. I'm the one that is honored to have so many friends.

      Steven -- Thank you, especially for the hugs and laughs. You have me smiling through the some of the darkest nights these past few weeks. You are a true friend. xx

    • Stevennix2001 profile image

      Steven Escareno 

      9 years ago

      wow, this is one of the best articles I've read on hubpages so far. thanks for the opportunity to read this. I'm so sorry that you had to go through all that. (hugs) i wish i knew what to say to make you feel better, but if you ever need a friend, I promise i'll be there for you.

    • mistywild profile image

      mistywild 

      9 years ago from Houston, TX (Proud Texan)

      beautiful Beth, thank you for sharing, I know it hurts, but I understand how it help, so heartfelt. I am honored to have read this.

    • Beth100 profile imageAUTHOR

      Beth100 

      9 years ago from Canada

      RedElf -- Your words ring a bell of truth. It is much easier to look at it this way than I had before. Thank you for sharing your wisdom, it is already helping me this morning.

    • RedElf profile image

      RedElf 

      9 years ago from Canada

      I've been told, and I believe, that we never really "get over" these things, but we do eventually get better at living with them. Enjoy every good moment, and be gentle with yourself in the not-so-good ones...0X0X0X

    • Beth100 profile imageAUTHOR

      Beth100 

      9 years ago from Canada

      Hi Michelle -- I'm taking it day by day. It's been a full week now, and am finding a smile every so often. Thank you for your support and your friendship. You have helped me much.

      Peace.

      Beth

    • ripplemaker profile image

      Michelle Simtoco 

      9 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

      Hi Beth, dropping by to see how you are. And your letter has once again touched me deeply. So much love and wisdom emanating...

      Love and light,

      Michelle

    • Beth100 profile imageAUTHOR

      Beth100 

      9 years ago from Canada

      Itakins -- Thank you.

    • itakins profile image

      itakins 

      9 years ago from Irl

      Beth100

      In my prayers and thoughts-God Bless

    • Beth100 profile imageAUTHOR

      Beth100 

      9 years ago from Canada

      Froggy -- Thank you for your hug! Today, that is what is the best medicine for me.

      HT -- Your support, friendship and love have helped carry me this far. And, of course, your wonderful hugs. Thank you. xox

    • frogdropping profile image

      Andria 

      9 years ago

      Beth - I have no words of comfort, nothing that would sound less than a platitude, other than 'I've been down a similar path'. A huge huge hug Beth. For all of you.

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