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My Internet Date

Updated on November 22, 2011

Dear friends and readers...

The following is a tale of love, of passion, of revelation, and loss

It is an adult tale of a sexual nature, so I caution all to use their own good judgement reading it, or forwarding it's url to minors.

I believe that this poem can teach the reader many things, but most importantly of all, with this little introduction, the Hub meets the contest requirements of 500 or more words...



During dinner with my internet date,

Things progressed at a very rapid rate.

Before I knew it I was back at her place,

And she slipped into something made of pink lace.



She offered a drink that was quite intoxicating,

And with her eye wink she was clearly baiting,

To have me make my signature move,

Which was effective, to the point, yet sexy smooth.



But I had doubts as to what should be done,

Did I want to father yet another girl or son?

Another point with which I had to grapple,

Had to do with what looked like her Adam’s apple.



So I slowed things down just a little tad.

I decided to it play cool and not be a cad.

No reason to act sexually outlandish,

Especially since her hands did look quite ‘manish’.



Her five o’clock shadow also made me wonder

What I would find if I looked ‘down under’.

Would it be something grotesque or even heinous?

Would I be envious of her bigger penis?



I went to the washroom just to freshen up,

And almost tripped over her athletic cup.

I was more than taken back by what I did see

It seems she used a urinal when she had to pee.



Friend, I have dated many different ladies,

Some sent me to Heaven, some sent me to Hades…

But to the best of my knowledge, at least not yet,

Have I ever dated a receiver from the New York Jets.



Now, I have nothing against lifestyles that vary,

I could care less if Steve decides to date Larry

But I need a woman’s sweet loving caress,

And the knowledge that I have the smaller breasts.



I came back to my date and was eager to learn

If I was the only one able to produce sperm.

She nodded that yes, she too was a man,

Her name was Stanley, but I could call her “Stan”.




I explained “Dearest Stan, I’m not geared that way...”

“You are looking for night, I am looking for day”

She understood but asked if I could clear her confusion,

Was I not really a woman, or was that just an illusion?



I took no offense at her doubts about me,

But assured her I was a man, despite what she did see.

We had a good chuckle over our joint mistake,

And finished off enough wine to fill a small lake.



You see friends, there is a important moral to this tale:

The internet is fun but use caution, be you girl or male.

The only place to feel assured about those you find online,

Is in HubPages' religious forums, where everyone is fine.



Source

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    • pan1974 profile image

      April 5 years ago from Columbus,Ga

      Wow, that is an amazing story, remind me of that song by "The Kinks", called Lola,http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ixqbc7X2NQY. Enjoyed your hub.

    • WannaB Writer profile image

      Barbara Radisavljevic 5 years ago from Templeton, CA

      I have to admit I did not expect that ending.

    • leahlefler profile image

      leahlefler 5 years ago from Western New York

      I love your wit, Greek One. The twist ending was both humorous and unexpected. Love it!

    • habee profile image

      Holle Abee 5 years ago from Georgia

      This cracked me up!! Certainly worth an "up" vote!

    • SomewayOuttaHere profile image

      SomewayOuttaHere 5 years ago from TheGreatGigInTheSky

      ha ha ha ha ha!...luved the ending!

    • wavegirl22 profile image

      Shari 5 years ago from New York, NY

      I think I have just fallen in love. But of course the deal breaker is .. will you watch Sunday football with me?

    • Greek One profile image
      Author

      Greek One 5 years ago

      CFL, right? The Grey Cup in on Sunday :)

    • cathylynn99 profile image

      cathylynn99 5 years ago from northeastern US

      lol - i populate hubpages religious forums and i wouldn't date me. luckily my husband disagrees.

    • wavegirl22 profile image

      Shari 5 years ago from New York, NY

      Jets kick off at 1pm . . Im free by 4pm....what time is the Grey Cup?

    • GeorgiaSmith profile image

      GeorgiaSmith 5 years ago

      This was both funny and instructive :) beware of the internet date!

    • profile image

      leann2800 5 years ago

      Very cute.

    • Evilangel363 profile image

      Evilangel363 5 years ago from Gothic Realm

      lolz ...;)

    • wavegirl22 profile image

      Shari 5 years ago from New York, NY

      the religious forums surely a safe place to be,

      but the sports arena is the best place for you and me.

      Too cute Greek One!

    • thesingernurse profile image

      thesingernurse 5 years ago from Rizal, Philippines

      A poem filled with twists and yet narrated in utmost clarity... I was not expecting such ending. :) Great job! I admire people who could actually compose narrative poems. :D

    • Cardisa profile image

      Carolee Samuda 5 years ago from Jamaica

      I had to chuckle here or there...lol no it was really quite hilarious. You be careful of those internet dates, they are not always what they seem...lol

    • Gypsy Willow profile image

      Gypsy Willow 5 years ago from Lake Tahoe Nevada USA , Wales UK and Taupo New Zealand

      Are you sure about that?

    • profile image

      setareh 4 years ago

      Made me grin ear to ear - the best kind to be sure!

    • profile image

      klarawieck 4 years ago

      LOL

      And the ad that comes up next to your poem says, "Jesus Christ is Lord" Lol

      But you see, Greek, I met my husband online, and it wasn't exactly in HP religious forums. Say hi to Stan for me next time you see him. :D

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