My Internet Date

Dear friends and readers...

The following is a tale of love, of passion, of revelation, and loss

It is an adult tale of a sexual nature, so I caution all to use their own good judgement reading it, or forwarding it's url to minors.

I believe that this poem can teach the reader many things, but most importantly of all, with this little introduction, the Hub meets the contest requirements of 500 or more words...

During dinner with my internet date,

Things progressed at a very rapid rate.

Before I knew it I was back at her place,

And she slipped into something made of pink lace.

She offered a drink that was quite intoxicating,

And with her eye wink she was clearly baiting,

To have me make my signature move,

Which was effective, to the point, yet sexy smooth.

But I had doubts as to what should be done,

Did I want to father yet another girl or son?

Another point with which I had to grapple,

Had to do with what looked like her Adam’s apple.

So I slowed things down just a little tad.

I decided to it play cool and not be a cad.

No reason to act sexually outlandish,

Especially since her hands did look quite ‘manish’.

Her five o’clock shadow also made me wonder

What I would find if I looked ‘down under’.

Would it be something grotesque or even heinous?

Would I be envious of her bigger penis?

I went to the washroom just to freshen up,

And almost tripped over her athletic cup.

I was more than taken back by what I did see

It seems she used a urinal when she had to pee.

Friend, I have dated many different ladies,

Some sent me to Heaven, some sent me to Hades…

But to the best of my knowledge, at least not yet,

Have I ever dated a receiver from the New York Jets.

Now, I have nothing against lifestyles that vary,

I could care less if Steve decides to date Larry

But I need a woman’s sweet loving caress,

And the knowledge that I have the smaller breasts.

I came back to my date and was eager to learn

If I was the only one able to produce sperm.

She nodded that yes, she too was a man,

Her name was Stanley, but I could call her “Stan”.

I explained “Dearest Stan, I’m not geared that way...”

“You are looking for night, I am looking for day”

She understood but asked if I could clear her confusion,

Was I not really a woman, or was that just an illusion?

I took no offense at her doubts about me,

But assured her I was a man, despite what she did see.

We had a good chuckle over our joint mistake,

And finished off enough wine to fill a small lake.

You see friends, there is a important moral to this tale:

The internet is fun but use caution, be you girl or male.

The only place to feel assured about those you find online,

Is in HubPages' religious forums, where everyone is fine.