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My Laundry Views Have Exploded

Updated on November 20, 2016
#HumbleBrag
#HumbleBrag | Source

Don't stink, do your laundry

Evidently numerous well-meaning world citizens across cyberspace prefer my laundry-based articles. Such Internet activity makes me happy. I'm here to help all of us.

Enough about me: let's talk about my articles. When you do online, open the Google, and search for laundry-based information, do my articles pop up? Am I in the Top 10 search results for such popular phrases such as:

Indeed, our world needs to use less energy unless it's the renewable type and it doesn't occlude the view of rich people or kill any noble birds. Other than that, I'm all for wind-power powering my Maytag. Hopefully you see it the same way.

Source

Whither Whiteness?

Many of my unmentionables, once white, turn dingy shades of off-white after repeated washings. Faithfully I deploy Earth-friendly detergents made from the smiles of free-range monarch butterflies and packed in self-recycling packages that I carry home in unbleached organic grocery bags tucked neatly into my Lexus hybrid. All the way home I listen to Garrison Keillor on a radio powered by energy reclaimed from burning copies of The Art of the Deal. It's all good but were I to engage in an accident the fire department would surely be horrified by my less than clean underwear. I can't wait for an autonomous fire truck to arrive at my wreck so only robots share my shame.

I would love to sell you this but HubAdmins won't approve this article if I include a product capsule. I think. At least it seems that way because I've taken out every other possible HubViolation.
I would love to sell you this but HubAdmins won't approve this article if I include a product capsule. I think. At least it seems that way because I've taken out every other possible HubViolation.

Admittedly I bought a new dryer recently

Given that my clothes tumbled for 2 hours and remained soggy, I thought it was time. The old dryer I took apart and stared unknowingly into the innards, but that didn't fix it. Nice men hauled away the pieces, leaving me with model GTD4EASJWW from General Electric. I hooked up the exhaust ducting because I can. I also plugged it in.

Now my clothes dry. I remove them from the stainless steel drum to find them toasty and mostly lint-free. I think the front-loader works well for my needs. A bottom loader seemed neat at the appliance store but my critical thinking kicked in before regrettable decisions were decided.

If I have one complaint, it's the timid nature of the buzzer. My dryer sits in the basement because there's no exhaust port in the bedroom. When the buzzer goes off I don't know it went off. If I was a GE electric clothes dryer engineer I'd engineer in more decibels. The high volume setting rivals the low volume setting for hear-ability.

GE Appliance Park -- It's a real place.

You, too, can save the Earth

Keep your clothes clean and you will save the Earth. If your clothes remain dirty, you will find yourself shunned by other Earthlings. You will smell bad and possibly badly as well. Eventually you will forfeit employment. Forced to join the swelling ranks of welfare recipients, you will be. Your only friends will be your EBT card and that sketchy Uber driver who accepts shiny stones as payment. And that guy is hardly ever going your way.


Washing Machine! Huh! What is it good for?

Absolutely nothing, except cleansing your clothes. It's a lousy aquarium and you can't store zombie apocalypse emergency food in it because that's the first place they'll look. All you can do is go with the flow. Temporarily store dirty clothes in it. Remove them frequently and replace with other dirty clothes, hopefully grouped according to color, fabric, and proclivity for fashion. I know I do.

My GE unit has yet to do this
My GE unit has yet to do this | Source

Exploding Samsung but not phones

Samsung finds itself hamstrung by exploding smartphones that were not intended to do such. Washers seem to follow suit.

In conclusion: play your part

Your part in this reality series is to stay clean while using as little energy as possible. Don't find yourself down by the creek beating your corduroy suit on a rock as the world passes you by. Keep your washer and dryer in good working order. Optimize wattage consumption while taking maximum advantage of opportunities to preserve what nature we have left. Nature will thank you and the bloke standing behind you at Arby's will be grateful. I join them in congratulating you on your thoughtfulness toward this mortal coil. Surely you'd do the same for me.

No dolphins were harmed in the making of this handy poll

The best way to save Our Earth is

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Comments

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    • nicomp profile imageAUTHOR

      nicomp really 

      2 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @Shyron : We love dirty laundry.

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 

      2 years ago from Texas

      I air my dirty laundry after washed outside, I can remember the last time I used my drier. I do use the driers at the laundromat.

      Very interesting hub.

    • nicomp profile imageAUTHOR

      nicomp really 

      2 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @BreakfastPop : clean clothes are a hallmark of Conservative Thought!

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 

      2 years ago

      I love this informative article so much that I just popped in a load!

    • nicomp profile imageAUTHOR

      nicomp really 

      2 years ago from Ohio, USA

      Mel, given that no such thing as "greenhouse emissions" actually exist outside of leftist rags such as the 'journal' Science, I enthusiastically endorse the transference theory of stink transmission. Shirtless mailmen have been seen in my neighborhood and that can only be a good thing.

    • nicomp profile imageAUTHOR

      nicomp really 

      2 years ago from Ohio, USA

      Jodah, please don't equivocate: I know full well this isn't the best article about doing laundry you've read today. I've always respected your forthrightness surrounding issues of mechanically augmented water-based stain removal with supplemental solar dehydration. Don't let me down again: the planet and I depend upon you and yours.

    • Mel Carriere profile image

      Mel Carriere 

      2 years ago from San Diego California

      Dirty laundry was recently mentioned in an article in the journal Science as the number one cause of greenhouse emissions. I admire your social conscience, but let me ask you one question. If my armpits stink when standing shirtless, does the stench have to transfer to my clothing first before it pollutes the environment? Just wondering.

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 

      2 years ago from Queensland Australia

      This is probably the best hub about doing laundry I have read today, nicomp. I'd take your advice but I already wash my clothes in a bucket while showering, then rinse and hang outside on a line to dry..so I am already doing my bit to save electricity and the planet. Good to see your laundry hubs are doing well on Google. I do have a washing machine but haven't found a good use for it yet.

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