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My Private Hell

Updated on March 5, 2016
AudreyHowitt profile image

Audrey is a poet, classical singer and voice teacher, recovering attorney and licensed psychotherapist.

Dirk Kolassa Björk, gemalt von Dirk Kolassa 2011
Dirk Kolassa Björk, gemalt von Dirk Kolassa 2011 | Source



I sit and watch you across

the room.

you talk so easily

to those about whom

you will later complain.


You could charm an alligator

to eat honey out of your palm

without breaking skin.


I am a shit-disturber though

and will say aloud

that which you often think

and secretly wish---

but will never say.


There is a special place

in hell for me,

where all is nice and polite,

and I am gagged.



copyright/all rights reserved Audrey Howitt 2012


I have gone back and looked at this poem again. It is apparently not of "good quality" in the eyes of the staff here--but I have to say, that I still like this one--a bunch!

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    • duffsmom profile image

      P. Thorpe Christiansen 5 years ago from Pacific Northwest, USA

      You have such a wonderful way of saying things. I enjoyed this very much. Well done.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you so much! Greatly appreciated!

    • Vellur profile image

      Nithya Venkat 5 years ago from Dubai

      AudreyHowitt people who tell things as they see it are really great and there is no place in hell for them, only heaven. People who call spade a spade are telling the truth, truth and heaven go hand in hand. Love the way you wrote this poem. Voted up.

    • Drtruthman profile image

      Drtruthman 5 years ago from Harlingen, Texas

      Interesting poem Audrey. You do have a way with expressing an idea. I voted interesting.

    • Tony the writer profile image

      Tony the writer 5 years ago from Birmingham, England

      Very nicely put Audrey.

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 5 years ago from Wales

      Thank you so much Audrey ;a great poem and here's to many more hubs for us both to share on here.

      Take car enjoy your day my friend.

      Eddy.

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 5 years ago from Riga, Latvia

      Voted up and straight and well put! I love that shit-disturber. Don't you just hate people like that who smile but secretly hate you. lol We actually have a saying about such people in Latvian so loosely translated - the less you disturb the shit the less it is likely to smell. This refers to such people.

    • Millionaire Tips profile image

      Shasta Matova 5 years ago from USA

      I too would rather voice my opinion instead of lying and letting things go. I hope that doesn't mean I have to go to that special place in hell.

    • Nikkij504gurl profile image

      Nikkij504gurl 5 years ago from Louisiana

      Wow this was brilliant! Tell it like it is!

    • B. A. Williams profile image

      B. A. Williams 5 years ago from USA

      Wow that was a mixture of emotions and speculations.

      Well done!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you Vellur!! You are so kind to me!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you Drtruthman--I hope that is a good thing!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Ok--so now I am confused! "I reply" using the reply button--but now can't see my comment back! Sigh! And I just read the hub about how to reply! Wow--I am a ditz!

    • Millionaire Tips profile image

      Shasta Matova 5 years ago from USA

      If you are writing your comments not from the hub but from the comments section, they do disappear from there, but they do post on the hub.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 5 years ago from Shelton

      a shit-disturber LOL Audrey I loved it!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      I am not seeing them. Let me close out and open again--(thank you!!)

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you Drtruthman!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you duffsmom! I think I have figured out the comment section--how long did this take me???

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Vellur you are so gracious! Thank you!!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      HI Tony the writer--thank you so much for stopping by! I will return the favor!

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

      HaHa, A shit-disturber is a new word to me but the meaning is clear. I can relate. I wonder how you could have done this in haiku style? LOL..Loved it..

    • mary615 profile image

      Mary Hyatt 5 years ago from Florida

      This is so beautiful and well said, Audrey. You are a brilliant poet.

    • writer20 profile image

      Joyce Haragsim 5 years ago from Southern Nevada

      This poem is very good and very readable and interesting.Voted up and beautiful, Joyce.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you Vellur!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you so much!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you Tony!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Oh Frank--that is very much who I am--my mouth always gets me into trouble! Thank you so much for the read and comments!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      What a great question always exploring--I don't work as much in that form and so am much less familiar with it--want to give it a try?

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you Mary! Really, I do have to watch what I say so that I don't end up on the wrong side of things--

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you so much Joyce!

    • Ruchira profile image

      Ruchira 5 years ago from United States

      Audrey...it is kinda disturbing but, keeping my fingers crossed :)

      good one!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Don't be too disturbed--it was meant with humor!

    • Just Ask Susan profile image

      Susan Zutautas 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      I've been called a shit disturber myself from time to time :)

      Enjoyed this one!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you Just Ask Susan!

    • jhamann profile image

      Jamie Lee Hamann 5 years ago from Reno NV

      I think being able to disturb things helps to bring reality to light and change things that may need changing. Great poem! I hope you are doing well. Jamie

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you jhamann--yes, doing well--and how are you?

    • time2rite profile image

      time2rite 5 years ago from Navarre, Fl, USA

      Wow, Audrey, this one comes at you like one-two punch; awesome!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you so much time2write--it was really a fun write!

    • ImKarn23 profile image

      Karen Silverman 5 years ago

      shit needs disturbing now and again! Hell is a place for shits - not shit disturbers! Keep it real Audrey! Keep making the tough choices!

    • prasetio30 profile image

      prasetio30 5 years ago from malang-indonesia

      Brilliant and I love this poem. Thanks for writing and share with us. Good job, my friend. Rated up and have a nice weekend!

      Prasetio

    • eolikes profile image

      eolikes 5 years ago from Bangladesh

      awesome poem.. Like it.. Voted up and i am going to share it

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you so much for the read and comments ImKarn--I will try to keep my mouth somewhat in check!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you prasetio! I think I owe you a visit! And enjoy your weekend as well!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you so much for stopping by and reading and commenting eolikes! Greatly appreciated!

    • John Sarkis profile image

      John Sarkis 5 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

      Great poem Audrey, very unique and interesting, and yet, many people can relate - I'm sure!

      Voted up

      John

    • profile image

      KatrineDalMonte 5 years ago

      Hi Audrey, a great poem, so much expressed, with a deep meaning. I have learnt that I rather be not liked by someone for voicing my opinion than feeling ashamed for keeping it inside. Take care :-)

    • raciniwa profile image

      raciniwa 5 years ago from Naga City, Cebu

      such strong will by presenting it ironically...love the truth that lies in this poem Audrey...

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you John--I am so glad that you enjoyed it!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you Katrine---I appreciate the read and comments--Enjoy your weekend!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you raciniwa!

    • mckbirdbks profile image

      mckbirdbks 5 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Interesting piece. No hell for speaking your mind.

    • Deborah Brooks profile image

      Deborah Brooks Langford 5 years ago from Brownsville,TX

      wow... Audrey you dont hold anything back.. sometimes it has to come out and you did a great job at expressing your self.

      voted up and awesome

      Debbie

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you mcbirdbks--I appreciate the read and comments---

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you Deborah---I don't know that this is all that autobiographical--but I do need to watch my mouth sometimes!

    • Sandyspider profile image

      Sandy Mertens 5 years ago from Wisconsin, USA

      Very passionate.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Hey Sandy--thank you so much! Hope you are doing well!

    • ahorseback profile image

      ahorseback 5 years ago

      Okay go ahead .....stir it up! , aawesome Audrey +

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you ahorseback! Think I will!

    • profile image

      Sueswan 5 years ago

      Hi Audrey

      "You could charm an alligator

      to eat honey out of your palm

      without breaking skin."

      Love it! Voted up and away.

      Hope you are enjoying the weekend.

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 5 years ago from Orlando, FL

      I'm glad I'm not on your shit list! Haha! Awesome! Always let your voice be heard!:)

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you Sueswan! You too!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      I try to! Thank you Sunshine!

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image

      Rolly A Chabot 5 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Wonderful and filled with emotion... Thank you for sharing with us.

      Hugs from Canada

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you Rolly!!

    • rajan jolly profile image

      Rajan Singh Jolly 5 years ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

      Very well said Audrey. With that being my nature, I'm sure to be gagged as well.

      Voted up, awesome and shared.

    • PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

      Justin W Price 5 years ago from Juneau, Alaska

      nice work, audrey, you shit disturber you!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you rajan! I so appreciate the read and comments!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you Justin!

    • profile image

      Sunnie Day 5 years ago

      Being honest and saying what one thinks makes for a nice long and healthy life..I love people who are honest. I am not trying to figure out what they really mean or if they meant it at all...May rock the boat but oh well...haha Great poem Audrey...

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you Sunnie Day!

    • ananceleste profile image

      Anan Celeste 5 years ago from California

      I love it! Raw and naked emotion. Voted up my dear.

    • Rosemay50 profile image

      Rosemary Sadler 5 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

      I love this poem Audrey. I hate 2 faced people. I too like to call a spade a spade, and although it may get us into some trouble I am sure we will not go to hell for it.

      I just love your turn of phrase

      Voting this up for its pure honesty.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you again anaceleste!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you Rosemary! Greatly appreciated!

    • maggs224 profile image

      maggs224 5 years ago from Sunny Spain

      I loved the poem but I think the one hiding their true self is closer to getting that space in hell lol..

    • Jackie Lynnley profile image

      Jackie Lynnley 5 years ago from The Beautiful South

      You sound a lot like me. I never look for trouble but I don't take no ---- from anyone. I did for too many years. So good for you!

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image

      Rolly A Chabot 5 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Good for you Audrey... like in te old westerns sometime we just gotta shoot from the hip... love this...

      Hugs from Canada

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Maybe so maggs! I hope that is the case--

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you so much Jackie!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Cheers to you Rolly! And thank you1

    • thelyricwriter profile image

      Richard Ricky Hale 5 years ago from West Virginia

      Audrey, voted up and awesome! What great detail this is written in. A great job! Cheers.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you lyricwriter!

    • PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

      Justin W Price 4 years ago from Juneau, Alaska

      nice work again audrey. one of my faves

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Hey Justin --thanks!!

    • profile image

      Dirk Kolassa 4 years ago

      ... just saw that you used my painting to illustrate your lines, which I appreciate, of course. Any reason why u picked it up for that poem?

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Hi Dirk. I am so glad that approve. Your piece spoke volumes to be about resting peacefully in the totality of who we are, of accepting the light and the shadow parts of ourselves--and to me, that is the essence of this poem--the struggle to accept, and the peace implicit in the final acceptance.

    • profile image

      Dirk Kolassa 4 years ago

      Hi Audrey, indeed the poem and the painting express the same thing. BTW: if you are in Germany on September 15, just come around to my exhibition, it's called "Nature likes no emptiness". This picture will also be there...

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you Dirk! I will be in Germany in July actually--and congrats on your exhibit! I am thrilled for you!

    • viveresperando profile image

      viveresperando 4 years ago from A Place Where Nothing Is Real

      So, so, loved it. shit disturber, you got me laughing and thinking, enjoyed it!

    • LillyGrillzit profile image

      Lori J Latimer 4 years ago from The River Valley, Arkansas

      Voted up and breathless. "...you could charm an alligator to eat honey out of your palm without breaking skin..." awesome wording...awesome

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Aww thank you Lilly! You made my day!

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 13 months ago from Queensland Australia

      I like this poem too Audrey, don't take "quality" thing too literally. They have no idea of quality if it is poetry or creative writing. To HP quality means how many photos, videos, maps, polls and views the hub gets.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 13 months ago from California

      Thank you John! This is an earlier piece for me--but as I look back at it and make editing choices, it still rings dead on for me--

    • Thelma Alberts profile image

      Thelma Alberts 13 months ago from Germany

      I like this poem, too. Shit-disturber is a new word for me. LOL!

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 13 months ago from Texas

      Audrey, Jodah is right, HP does not appreciate poetry the way that we the poetry connoisseurs do.

      Just looking up your new word in the dictionary,

      It should be there, and you would have to clear the air

      If you disturb the shit

      You would stir up a stink

      And make HP start to think

      And on their Bong they'd take a hit

      That is what my dictionary calls shit

      *

      *

      Loved it

      Blessings and Hugs

    • CrisSp profile image

      CrisSp 13 months ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      I second Jodah's motion and Shyron, you kill me with your creative sh*t! Ooops, sorry!

      No kidding now, this is brilliant Audrey!

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 13 months ago from Texas

      Oops, I guess my ship has hit the fan and my Hubber score dropped like a rock to 83 I guess HP has no sense of humor.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 11 months ago from California

      I am right there with you Shyron! Thank you!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 8 months ago from California

      Thank you Shyron!

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 8 months ago from Queensland Australia

      I just reread it too..it is one of my favourites, Audrey. I don't think many of the staff know much about poetry.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 8 months ago from California

      You know John, I think you are right--poetry is sort of its own world--and so very different from prose. I know that when I am deep in one style--it is difficult to switch over to another--so thank you for that John!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 8 months ago from California

      Thank you CrisSp!

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