My Thoughts VII: On Age
This is a journal entry from five years ago, which I came across last week (I am trying to clean some closets - perhaps searching for skeletons from my past which are still hiding around). I had to laugh at the second paragraph. I wrote that I was "done" and that I was ready to retire.
Indeed, five years ago I was done. Or I hadn't even started: either way the same thing, I think. I was immobilized (for many reasons ... at this point I am thinking of Damion Marley's words: "Self-defeat is an own dispute"). I did have to laugh at whoever wrote this journal entry ... it is for sure not me. Or at least, it is not the Me of today.
All in all, these are just some thoughts of a struggling soul.
September 19th, 2006
I have nothing to say really. I just started writing because I just lit the biggest blunt in the history of blunts. I packed it right-up – feels like an actual cigar. And I got some serious weed, great for the draught too. Draught . . . I got nothing to say about that either. Every year, same thing: by the end of the summer: no weed or shitty weed at ridiculously high prices. But ya … one way or another, things must go on; the show must go on.
I am getting old . . . not old in the sense of age but more like time. ‘Age’ is an awful thing which does tremendously bad things to people. “Age” makes people do crazy things like getting married or having kids without even wanting to do so. “Age” dictates Life for many . . . for me it is different. I have trained myself to live a life without such ‘social’ duties. Thus, my oldness comes because I have lived awhile. I have lived enough to say that: “I’m done.” I really am. I am ready to retire. I don’t need no more stress, I don’t feel like ‘slaving’ for no one and I definitely do not plan on having kids to put them through this bad joke called: “Life”.
Greed and viciousness are becoming a necessity on one’s resume in order to get anywhere nowadays. If you are nice, people dance on you or they try to anyway. So ya . . . it is quite hard to be ‘good’ . . . a bloody struggle actually!