My perspective on Identity
As I ruminate on my life and try to come to an understanding of my identity; I realize that I am not the only influence that has helped develop my personality and characteristics. Think about it; how did you become you? Were you raised by your mom, dad, or if your lucky maybe both? Did you have an older brother or sister? Who was in your life when your personality was starting to form? Though, you may change a few times throughout your whole life on this earth, for one reason or another. Therefore, there are many factors that pertain to a persons’ individuality.
I was fortunate to have my mom, my dad, and most of the time my sister but, not so much my brothers, in my life. For this is part of the reasons, I am who I am. It’s funny how my mom says, that I’m impatient with my daughters and that she doesn’t know where I picked up that characteristic from! So, I remind her by asking, “wasn’t my dad impatient, you don’t remember?” She replies, oh yeah, he was!
My daddy (Mario A. Vega) was a smart machinist, provider, who had a good heart but could sometimes be really mean! Actually he was never mean to me, it was hard for him to tell me no and he spoiled me rotten! I have precious memories of him; he would take me to the park, we would watch boxing matches together, and he would always tell me stories about how the streets are and what kind of guys (men) there is out in the world looking for sweet girls, so I should beware of them. My mom (Anita E. Vega) is so beautiful on the outside as much as she is in the inside, a talented hair stylist, with gorgeous green eyes, and is a wonderful caring grandmother. My mom was only there with me on her days off when I was a little girl; she was always at the beauty salon working. She didn’t have to work she just loved making ladies look pretty and all dolled up. Therefore, my dad and I spent a lot of time together, which I truly valued. My sister (Rebecca Bueno) is a provider, a good mom, kind hearted, and is a strong spirited individual. The only thing I hated about Rebecca was when she had a belligerent bad mouth; every other word out of her mouth was rubbish. As for my brothers’ they were hardly ever around because they were too busy having girlfriends’ and impregnating them. All in all my brothers’ were good daddies, loving, but they also were weak minded. Marcos M. Vega is my oldest brother that has been incarcerated for almost twenty four years, for a remorseful mistake. Marcos is the most talented guitar player I know. He also can use num chucks like the num chuck king, Bruce Lee. Jerry A. Vega is my other brother who was a boxer when I was growing up. He was a young daddy at age fourteen. I also remember when Jerry had a job, as a truck driver and that’s when he showed me how to drive a diesel truck. Additionally, I have a memory of when my brother, Jerry bought me a teddy bear for my birthday and he also gave me a white jacket with vibrant colors splattered all over it, that was my favorite. That was the only time Jerry ever bought me gifts; for my birthday, so I treasured both gifts dearly!
Family is a big part of me and who I am. My daddy, Mario is one of my heroes; he taught me everything I know about cars, guys (men), and to be proud, of who I am and where I originated from.
I don’t know if my daddy will ever know this or knew this but, because of him spending quality time with me, and keeping me out of the streets, away from corruption, and installing a positive out look in my life; I am me and I actually like the person that I have become. After he died I met girlfriends who were the total opposite of me but, the one thing we all (fourteen of us) had in common, was that not one of us had a dad for one reason or another. We all ranged from the ages of twelve to twenty one years old, and most of my girlfriends were runaways and had kids already. When we would go out with guys; my girlfriends were all intoxicated with alcohol or under the influence of a controlled substance. I despised those actions of theirs because I would be the only sober one, demanding these drunk and high girls to leave because of guys, that would act stupid and try to get into their pants, they thought they were going to take advantage of my friends because they were all smashed! Over my dead body they were! Besides deciding to be the only one sober most of the time, I was also the only girl who had an alright relationship with my mom, some of my friends have not been home or talked to their moms in over a year, and if they did speak to them they would speak to them with the utmost disrespect. When me and my girls would all go out I would make all of them hold hands in a circle and I would pray that God took care of us where ever we went and if anything bad happened to any of us, to please take us with him! When my girlfriends went out and I couldn’t go because my sister would block the door way so I didn’t go, they would not pray and something bad would happen to one of them if not all of them. Thank you, mom and dad for giving me the chance to recognize God and presenting me to the Lord, so that I could know of the Holy Spirit and decide whether or not I believe in it!
So far I have written a little about my childhood and my teenage years; now let me inform you, the reader of my adult years. At the age of eighteen I found out that I was pregnant by my high school sweetheart. Its essential how in one minute I went from a high school wild child to a concerned young expecting mother! My persona significantly changed, and I acquired a reality check. I wrote a letter to my angel Samantha when she was a baby, so that I could give it to her, when she gets older or if she were to become a mommy one day. In the letter I wrote down how much I love her and no matter what I will be there for her till the day I die. With this in mind, I married my high school sweetheart with the intent to be together, faithfully, honorably, and honestly forever; till death due us part. Manuel Hernandez is the father of my kids and my ex-husband, this man shattered all the dreams and hopes I had for us after two years of marriage. He abandons me (pregnant w/Marilyn Olivia) and our little angel Samantha Leanne with no money, no transportation, and no food. It’s amazing how a single person can cause change; to ones’ state of mind and make one have a change of heart, due to a great disappointment and a lot of hurt. I no longer care to have a relationship with another man and it’s hard for me to trust another one, as well. However this hardship not only affected me then it also affected me later on down the road, as it made me stronger, wiser, and it prepared me to live a healthy, happy, single life without a man; so that I wont be afflicted with any hurt or pain.
Furthermore, I am content with my life as; a proud Chicana, single mom, that is impatient, with somewhat of a belligerent mouth, provider, always on the go, attending college to obtain an AS degree (hopefully), my hobbies are doing make over’s on females and gardening, I wont trust a man (I want to), I don’t ask anyone for help but, when offered I am not to proud to say sure, attractive but, I need to work out to tighten my flab, people call me sweet and sassy, and I have a lot of friends of the opposite sex and one of the same sex whom would love to have a chance with me but, I won’t give them the time of day unless they just wanted my friendship! Additionally, because my daddy gave me what ever I desired and spoiled me rotten, I will probably never be happy in a relationship. I expect so much from a man, especially for him to treat me like his queen. If a man did treat me this way and lived up to my expectations, he definitely will be treated like a king; my king!
To come to the point, these are the reasons I believe, family and the people whom are apart of an individuals life; has a lot to do with ones’ character. Consciously, maybe the impatient, frustrated, mean, scandal less, boring, negligent, and bad tempered folks will realize that they too, have an influence on ones’ personality, so remember folks be a good impact to ones’ life not a bad one or else karma will bite you in the ass!
I first wrote this in 2009 and it's amazing how my thoughts, outlook, myself, and my writing has changed from then till now. maybe I will write a new identity about how I am now so I and you if you'd like to see the difference in me and my writing!