NaNoWriMo: A.k.a. Your Doom

Salutations, hubbies. Where have I been these last couple weeks? Probably where every other wanabe author has been: at my computer trying to meet that 50,000 word count for NaNoWriMo.

If you've never heard of NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month), you've been missing out! Or maybe you just prefer to be happy and sober. In which case I don't even want to hang out with you. Seriously, go away.

But basically, it's a writing challenge that takes place every year in November. It's a time of camaraderie and unity for every loser slob who ever wanted to write a book but was just too damn lazy to get started. During this month we all crawl out of the woodwork, sit our greasy butts down, and start hammering away at our laptops.

And what is this challenge? You have 30 days to write 50,000 words from scratch.

What's a stake? Your pride.

1) Drink a lot of booze

Apart from lording your writing superiority over others, NaNo also provides a great opportunity to drink more alcohol than is typically deemed acceptable. You can just tell people it's for your art. And that instantly makes it okay.

Now I'm not promoting rampant drunkenness (like any good Catholic, I save that for St. Patrick's day). But I am recommending that you buy some Fireball or get cozy this month with Mr. Jack Daniel's. Because nothing makes a novel more fun than incoherence.

2) Eat a lot of chocolate

Chocolate heals every ailment, so you should be eating as much of it as possible this month. And every month, especially since it has been scientifically proven to reduce stress, cure cancer, and save starving children in Africa.

3) Be okay with garbage

If you asked me what my novel was about right now, I could barely tell you. I'm just verbally vomiting on a page, writing anything and everything, getting all of it out in one messy, long, emotional dump that probably points to some deep-seated issues I don't actually want to address in real life.

And that's okay. The point is just to get it all out, so welcome to Crap Town! Nice to have you. Just take a deep breath and start typing out that bad boy. You can always edit later.

I hope you've found this incredibly detailed and adult list helpful. I know I have this month. I'll be back soon with the same old book reviews, so never fear. The snarkiness will indeed continue. Until then, happy drunk writing.