No-one Else Was There.
Trying To Accept What I Cannot Change.
Nobody knows the depths of it.
How could they?
No-one else was there.
In the darkest hours I held on to you.
Terrified of losing my grip,
Mortified at the thought.. you may slip..
And no-one else was there.
Nobody knows the pain....
Some of them think they do.
But they were not there,deep
In the night.Talking, crying.
i begging you to see reason.
How could you?.
Your mind was far too tarnished,
Yet still I tried to help you varnish
The tattered remnants of your mind.
I felt that you could shine again
But you could not believe it.
Your self-belief had plummeted
To depths beyond control.
The Inevitable That I Hoped Would Never Be.
And so it finally came. That phone call I'd been dreading.
The call I hoped I'd never receive.
The call, that deep in my heart I knew would arrive.
Eventually, after all the love and tears,
All that we shared.
You could not hold on for anyone.
Not for me, nor for him, not even for yourself.
In you broken mind, it was only a matter of "When?"
So here I am without you.
Feeling guilty. My guilt for letting you slip.
Yet, was there anything I could have said or done?
Could I have changed the final determination?
Of your own heart's desire.?
Razor blades haunt me.
Blood is swimming through my dreams,
Oh! Sweet baby girl, though fully grown woman.
Nothing can help us now.
I must cover my pain with love for you.
Knowing you now, feel nothing.
My nightmares will fade given time.
Last night , I dreamt of the beautiful sunshine,
As I sat high up on our flat roof.
The sky so blue and the tiny clouds so light,
made it all so real to me.
I sat on a garden chair, and you were there.
But you were a baby just crawling and climbing.
In my dream . Just a beautiful baby.
But a dark shadowy figure appeared and came between us.
I watched you try to climb the wall.
Fear gripped my heart like an icy hand.
I stretched out my hand, unable to stand!!
I reached for the chubby little foot of a baby.
The shadowy figure was firmly between us..
No way could I reach the one little ankle
Oh! To stop you falling over this wall!
No matter how hard I tried, the dark figure
Stood solidly between us.
I could not reach.....Oh! It won't let me reach.!
So.. Over you went.. Over the wall of our beautiful
Flat roof. So high, the building........
Then I wake up.!
I remember.....you're gone.
Death was my dreams' dark shadowy figure.
And so I am left, loving you still.
No longer trying to make sense of it all.
You are gone, and my heart is broken.
Farewell , My lovely, Farewell.
Now you have been set free.