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Not Sure Who I Am

Updated on June 16, 2012

writing, writing, writing

forever writing

looking for the perfect words

to express

what I am

And I'm not sure who I am.

trying, trying trying

to figure it out

to find the solution

if it exists

tells us what we are

'Cause I'm not sure what we are.

pleading, pleading, pleading

for some recompense

for nothing to fight

against

to end the war

And I'm not sure who we're fighting.

repeating, repeating, repeating

the same set of

circumstances

forever in

the dance

And I'm not sure what I'm dancing to.

questioning, questioning, questioning

almost anything

can't trust anything

is how it feels sometimes

in this world

And I'm not totally sure who I can trust.

writing, writing, writing

forever writing

looking for the perfect words

to express

exactly what I am

Problem is...

I'm still not sure who I am.

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    • profile image

      StarRecipe 5 years ago

      I enjoyed the poem jb. I have noticed something interesting. Despite how we may or may not feel we know ourselves, other people create us and see us in their minds in ways we ourselves would rarely imagine. I have been with family and friends, and what exactly have I done? That I am not sure of. What was my intent? I do not know. It was just living, and it's not clear what was doing the living. Despite that, whenever I do hear someone say something about me it is often something remarkable. They see that? I never imagined it. It has made me realize that even if we don't feel we know who we are, we still have an identity in other people. We are something definite to others, even if we ourselves are unaware of it, and even if we are an enigma to ourselves. I am not convinced that there is much to know about ourselves in the first place. We might be simpler than we think. I don't try to create a narrative to explain who I am because I think any such narrative would just be a fiction of the mind. It would be an attempt to unify something which is fundamentally a disintegrated collection of forces and desires.

      Insofar as I do feel I know myself, I base it on what it is that I love. Identity comes through immersing yourself in what you love.

    • Winsome profile image

      Winsome 5 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas

      Nice JB,

      If you had another verse that ended with: I still haven't found what I'm looking for--

      Then my comment would be--

      You too? =:)

    • profile image

      bballbeadle 6 years ago

      You are a brother who is loved.

    • JBeadle profile image
      Author

      J Beadle 6 years ago from Midwest

      Thanks for the comments Mirabea and Tom.

      Tom... you are pretty close although I like jugglers and do juggle and not as fond of magicians and can't do any tricks. I do not care for clowns. I worked customer service and would rather call one that take the calls!

      Thanks again for the reads!

    • tom hellert profile image

      tom hellert 6 years ago from home

      jb,

      You are...the person in the mirror.

      the person reads your thoughts.

      your JBeadle on hubpages.

      you dig fantasy football

      Im going out on a limb here

      you hate clowns

      dispise jugglers yet are amazed

      like magicians

      and hate customer service helplines ...

      but Im just guessing on some of that....

      Thats who you are...if not it could be me

      TH

    • mirabea profile image

      mirabea 6 years ago from sibu , malaysia

      we are human created by god...hahahahaha , kidding...

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