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Ode to the Toilet

Updated on September 16, 2014
AudreyHowitt profile image

Audrey is a poet, classical singer and voice teacher, recovering attorney and licensed psychotherapist.

Chris 73
Chris 73 | Source



it was told by those in the know,

(by an editor of course)

that she would like to see poetry

unlike the rest.


She had yawned over moonlight,

slept with the stars,

felt numbed over love,

kissed cheeked children's verse goodbye,

and was ready,

so very ready

for something new.


To her I speak,

of such matters that reek

of poetry

that is, well,

unexpected.


As I sit on my throne,

such the princess at home,

I ponder

that in my humble abode,

I find I can unload

all the worries, frustrations and hassles of life,

and find such comfort

in the absence of strife.


Not crimson, nor star like

nor beauteous thus,

it sits all alone,

until

with eyes askance,

we all take our place

and dutifully,

groan.



copyright/all rights reserved Audrey Howitt 2014




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    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Sigh!

      That was my groan...followed by riotous laughter. Is there anything you cannot write a poem about?

      You are a pleasure!

      bill

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      It was a fun write Bill-Thank you!

    • Victoria Lynn profile image

      Victoria Lynn 2 years ago from Arkansas, USA

      The ending was great! This is so different from what you usually write. You sure showed that person in the know, didn't you? Loved it!

    • snakeslane profile image

      snakeslane 2 years ago from Canada

      Audrey, your poem effuses the verboten subject of effluvia, James Joyce is listening!

    • lambservant profile image

      Lori Colbo 2 years ago from Pacific Northwest

      Oh Audrey, you're a riot. Nice versatility you possess. Keep it coming baby. Oops, not the kind you wrote about. lol

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      Audrey hmm.. I loved it :)

    • btrbell profile image

      Randi Benlulu 2 years ago from Mesa, AZ

      Fun and funny! And...a great picture! What a find!

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      I like the photo and you have presented an hilarious art of poetry.

    • manatita44 profile image

      manatita44 2 years ago from london

      Masterfully written. Have you seen My Bathsoap Virtues? One of my funniest.

      https://hubpages.com/literature/My-Bath-Soap

      Excellent poetry as usual Audrey.

    • Suzanne Day profile image

      Suzanne Day 2 years ago from Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

      What an excellent unrhyming poem! Really enjoyed this and voted awesome ;)

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      What a hoot! Unloaded...Hee

    • Nadine May profile image

      Nadine May 2 years ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

      Creative start with that image. Ha Ha did you write your poem on the toilet? Voted funny

    • Vellur profile image

      Nithya Venkat 2 years ago from Dubai

      LOL! Quite the relief!

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Haha Audrey, and I thought I was funny. You are hilarious. I wouldn't even be game to write a limerick about this. Vote up.

    • DealForALiving profile image

      Sam Deal 2 years ago from Earth

      Haha, dutifully groan. Awesome!

    • PurvisBobbi44 profile image

      PurvisBobbi44 2 years ago from Florida

      Hi Audrey,

      You gave me my first real smile for the day. Thanks for always giving joy to all who reads your talented words. You are a pleasure to follow and read.

      Bobbi Purvis

    • MizBejabbers profile image

      MizBejabbers 2 years ago

      That is so funny, and it brought back memories. I grew up in a small house with two siblings and one bathroom. When we were grown (not groan) we confessed to each other that we used to go to the bathroom and stay until mom or dad ran us out just to find a place to be alone.

    • Perspycacious profile image

      Demas W Jasper 2 years ago from Today's America and The World Beyond

      In prepschool my English teacher, Mr. Willard (also my baseball coach) had us write a short composition on the statement that "On the most exalted throne in the world, the king is still seated on nothing but his arse." I think you approached something like that but waited on the rhyme of abode and commode, but you never quite got beyond the "throne" part. How disappointing.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Isaac Weithers 2 years ago from The Caribbean

      Exceptional! This is beautiful, one-of-a-kind poetry, well done.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      Thank you Vicky! Such a fun write!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      Thank you snakeslane! I wonder what Mr. Joyce heard??

    • snakeslane profile image

      snakeslane 2 years ago from Canada

      That is a very good question Audrey. Got to do some research, will get back to you asap...

    • snakeslane profile image

      snakeslane 2 years ago from Canada

      Well, it gets complicated. I could maybe do my doctoral theses on it, but in the meantime, I have three words for you (in answer to your question) James Joyce Ulysses... :)

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 2 years ago from southern USA

      LOL, I LOVE it, Audrey! Well, I guess there is some truth in going where no one else has gone! hee hee Surprisingly, well, not really, I can SO relate!

      Up +++ tweeting and pinning

      You have gone above and beyond here and there is no shame!!!

      Ode to the toilet ... where would we be without it ... I mean, it is my first guest of honor in the morning where I contemplate the matters of the day before me and even pray sometimes ... I know, I know, too much information hahaha

      Blessings always

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      To have heard Ulysses in its entirety in one sitting as it were--sometimes the gods do give their gifts! Thank you snakselane!

    • snakeslane profile image

      snakeslane 2 years ago from Canada

      Omg! You heard James Joyce Uylsses in one (pardon the pun) sitting Audrey?

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      LOL you crack me up snakeslane!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      Oh Faith Reaper I love your honesty! (Me too!!)

    • AliciaC profile image

      Linda Crampton 2 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      This is very funny and creative, Audrey! Thanks for the entertainment.

    • Paula Atwell profile image

      Paula Atwell 2 years ago from Cleveland, OH

      Cute and funny!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      Lambservant you crack me up! Thank you for brightening my day!

    • wayne barrett profile image

      Wayne Barrett 2 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Oh, Audrey. You gave me a good laugh. I guess inspiration can strike at any time and any place. I like this humorous side.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      Thank you Wayne! So funny how things go . . .

      Paula--thank you so much for visiting this one!

      Hi AliciaC! Thank you!!

    • LadyFiddler profile image

      Joanna Chandler 2 years ago from On planet Earth

      LOL @ this ode to the Toilet , funny write

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 2 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      OMG....LOL, Audrey. It just doesn't matter what you put to verse....it always "comes out" well!......Ohhhhhhhhh moan......that was unnecessary, Paula!...Up funny & awesome.

    • rajan jolly profile image

      Rajan Singh Jolly 2 years ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

      This certainly is unexpected. A wonderful ode and a great subject to choose, Audrey.

    • ChitrangadaSharan profile image

      Chitrangada Sharan 2 years ago from New Delhi, India

      How funny yet courageous to write on such a topic!

      You did a great job. Well done!

    • Perspycacious profile image

      Demas W Jasper 2 years ago from Today's America and The World Beyond

      Still chuckling!

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 2 years ago

      You have me laughing! A princess at home indeed! Your writing is so clever and entertaining!

    • Au fait profile image

      C E Clark 2 years ago from North Texas

      A fine tribute to the commode! Love it!

    • takkhisa profile image

      Takkhis 2 years ago

      Haha...it is funny :)

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 2 years ago from Riga, Latvia

      I applaud you Audrey. You and only you have the talent to even make an ode to the toilet wonderful. Super.

    • jhamann profile image

      Jamie Lee Hamann 2 years ago from Reno NV

      Very very funny Audrey. I have found myself writing on similar topics as of late. Thank you for your poetry and I hope you are well. Jamie

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      Thank you Jamie! Yes you did! I just read yours and guffawed!

    • Suzanne Day profile image

      Suzanne Day 2 years ago from Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

      I think this is the best toilet poem I've ever read! Voted beautiful.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      Aww Frank! Thanks!!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      Aw MizBejabbers! Thank you!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      Awww--thank you btrbell!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      Crack me up DealForALiving!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      John--sometimes I just get in a mood! Thank you!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      Thank you DDE!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      Thank you manatita!! I will have to stop by and give it a read!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      Thank you Chitrangada!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      Thank you Perspycacious!!!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      Thank you for reading this one Suzanne!!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      Thank you Bobbi!!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      Thank you Ruby!

    • tobusiness profile image

      Jo Alexis-Hagues 2 years ago from Bedfordshire, U.K

      Audrey, only you could have written an ode to the toilet, and do it with such panache. Funny and classy.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      Thank you Jo! It was a fun write!!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      So funny Nadine! Silly--I wrote it at the computer!! Thank you for reading it!

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 2 years ago from New York

      Certainly poetry unlike the rest but still we see it is the best!

      Whatever you put your hand to comes out great! What fun to read and crafted to perfection.

      Voted up, funny, awesome, interesting and shared.

    • Harishprasad profile image

      Harish Mamgain 2 years ago from India

      What a Midas Touch and with such an unbelievable wonderful craft ! You are a poet who makes dust shine like Gold ! To everybody, something is ordinary till s/ he doesn't read your words about it. Enjoyed reading this remarkable poem and voted up.

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 2 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

      I am flush with............ah, never mind, you are adorable, Audrey!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      You crack me up Vellur!! Thank you!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      Thank you for reading this Perspycacious--I hope you weren't too disappointed--I don't do rhyme much--and certainly not well

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      Thank you MsDora!

    • Ryem profile image

      Ryem 2 years ago from Maryland

      I got a great laugh from this poem! Thanks for sharing. :)

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      Thank you LadyFiddler!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      Thank you fpherj48!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      Thank you Rajan! I was in a mood I think!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      Thank you Teaches!!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      Thank you for reading this one Au fait!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      Thank you takkhisa!!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      Thank you Rasma!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      Thank you Ryem!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      Thank you Suzanne!!

    • suzettenaples profile image

      Suzette Walker suzettetaos 2 years ago from Taos, NM

      LOL! Great poem. Yes the commode is the place to be and to write poetry. You're ode to the commode is wonderful and such a fitting throne for a princess!

    • carrie Lee Night profile image

      Kept private 2 years ago from Northeast United States

      Beautiful! :). You have a soft smooth flow with the words. Brilliantly composed. Thank you for sharing :)

    • CatherineGiordano profile image

      Catherine Giordano 2 years ago from Orlando Florida

      Charming. Definitely an unexpected topic proving you can find poetry anywhere.

    • Jeannieinabottle profile image

      Jeannie InABottle 2 years ago from Baltimore, MD

      Who can resist anything entitled Ode to the Toilet? Thanks for sharing this awesome poem.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      Thank you so much Harishprasad! You are very kind!

    • Daniella Lopez profile image

      Danielle Lopez Newcomb 2 years ago from Arkansas

      Haha! I love it! Quite the creative idea for a poem. ;)

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      Thank you Mary! It was a fun write!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      Thank you Marcoujor!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      You cracked me up Suzettenaples! Thank you!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      Thank you Carrie Lee!!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      Thank you Catherine! It was a fun write!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      And thank you for reading this one Jeannieinabottle!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      Aww thank you Daniella!

    • TIMETRAVELER2 profile image

      TIMETRAVELER2 2 years ago

      This was so clever...and so true! I'm off to do some "groaning" of my own! You've inspired me!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      Well thank you Timetraveller2!!

    • wordswithlove profile image

      Neetu M 2 years ago from Pennsylvania, USA

      Sure made me smile, Audrey. :)

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      I am glad that it did wordswithlove!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      Thank you for reading this one wordswithlove!

    • vocalcoach profile image

      Audrey Hunt 2 years ago from Nashville Tn.

      I do some of my best work while sitting on the throne. :) Thanks Audrey - your talents are endless.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      Thank you Debby!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      Hey Audrey! Thank you! (me too!)

    • peachpurple profile image

      peachy 2 years ago from Home Sweet Home

      Funny poem abt the toilet

    • Peggy W profile image

      Peggy Woods 2 years ago from Houston, Texas

      This definitely had me laughing Audrey! I think that we can all relate to being princesses or princes on that particular throne. Ha!

    • DREAM ON profile image

      DREAM ON 2 years ago

      I laughed and chuckled. We all know we go. Just when we don't exactly know. Have a great night.

    • Daisy Mariposa profile image

      Daisy Mariposa 2 years ago from Orange County (Southern California)

      Audrey,

      Happy Birthday!!!

    • vocalcoach profile image

      Audrey Hunt 2 years ago from Nashville Tn.

      Leave it to you to find poetry even for the "throne." Love it and laughed uncontrollably.

    • shanmarie profile image

      Shannon 2 years ago from Texas

      LOL! Who can pass up a title like that when it comes through the news feed? Thanks so much for the laugh!

    • Mhatter99 profile image

      Martin Kloess 2 years ago from San Francisco

      very very good

    • blondey profile image

      Rosemary Amrhein 2 years ago from Boston, MA

      Ha ha ha! very funny. I love silly poems and this one rhymes and has clever wording. nice sharing!

    • Dip Mtra profile image

      Dip Mtra 2 years ago from World Citizen

      Great stuff Audrey! This is a tribute to the best moment in the day. Voted up, and henceforth a committed fan of your futures.

    • Anna Haven profile image

      Anna Haven 2 years ago from Scotland

      Funny stuff. You slide between poems of languishing love and then riotous laughter effortlessly.

    • mary615 profile image

      Mary Hyatt 2 years ago from Florida

      When my children were small, I remember dreaming of the day when I could sit on the throne all alone!

      I enjoyed reading your ode to the toilet!

    • profile image

      Lee Cloak 2 years ago

      A fantastic piece about one of my favourite places, great to read, thanks!

    • Thelma Alberts profile image

      Thelma Alberts 23 months ago from Germany

      LOL! What a beautiful funny ode to the toilet. I enjoyed reading it. Thanks. Shared.

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 23 months ago from Orlando, FL

      The toilet is an important fixture in the household and it deserves a shout-out too. Well done! :)

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 23 months ago from California

      Hi Peachpurple! Thank you!

    • rebeccamealey profile image

      Rebecca Mealey 23 months ago from Northeastern Georgia, USA

      Ha Ha! Audrey, you are so talented!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 19 months ago from California

      Martin you crack me up! This was a fun write though!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 15 months ago from California

      Thank you Linda!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 13 months ago from California

      Thank you PeggyW! This was a fun write!

      Rebeeccamealey! You crack me up! Thank you!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 8 months ago from California

      Thank you Lee!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 8 months ago from California

      Thank you Thelma!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 8 months ago from California

      Thank you Lee!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 8 months ago from California

      Thinking about you today Mary!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 8 months ago from California

      Thank you Dream on!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 8 months ago from California

      Thank you Anna Haven!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 8 months ago from California

      This was a fun one to write! Thank you Shanmarie!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 8 months ago from California

      Thank you Audrey~

    • vespawoolf profile image

      vespawoolf 7 months ago from Peru, South America

      Ha! This is hilarious. Thank you for starting my day with a laugh. : )

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 7 months ago from California

      Thank you Daisy!

    • ocfireflies profile image

      ocfireflies 7 months ago from North Carolina

      Audrey,

      So needed this laugh.

      Thank You! Big Smiles!

      Kim

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 7 months ago from California

      Smiles to you Kim!!! Thank you!

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 6 months ago from England

      LOL! I love it! Ode to a toilet! well who would have thought?

    • pstraubie48 profile image

      Patricia Scott 6 months ago from sunny Florida

      Spot on....love this....you just have a knack!!!! Angels are on the way once again to you

      Shared ps

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 months ago from California

      Thank you Patricia!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 months ago from California

      Thank you for reading it vespawoolf!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 months ago from California

      Thank you Blondey!

    • Springboard profile image

      Springboard 4 months ago from Wisconsin

      This is a wonderful way to provide an explanation to the wife about why I take so long in the can. It's the most free, I think, I can be. :) Nicely done.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 2 months ago from California

      Hi Nell! Thank you!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 8 weeks ago from California

      Thank you Springboard!

    • kenneth avery profile image

      Kenneth Avery 3 weeks ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Wow!

      Great job. Very decisive.

      Keep up the great poetry as much as you want!

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 5 days ago from Texas

      When I read this to Hubby

      he said that is great

      I can really relate

      And I feel even better after the flush

      *

      *

      I love this, you are genius

    • kenneth avery profile image

      Kenneth Avery 5 days ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hello again, Audrey,

      I am not going to make a pest of myself. I promise.

      One more comment: Great job and wonderful writing.

      One more question: What is it you do that gives you so many people who comment?

      Sincerely,

      Kenneth

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