Old Poetry, New Meaning

Tonight I can't sleep

I realize that sanity is hard to keep

Sometimes I can't understand why I cry

But I cry until my eyes get dry

I think about all the lies he told

While I lie here alone in the cold

Each day that goes by just gets worse

I really believe that he was just a curse

Falling down but never hitting the ground

Why can't someone just make my love sound

All I want is my real true love

He'll fly around and be my dove

When I wrote this poem I had just turned 19. It seems that there will always be a guy or girl out there that can make us feel this way if we let them. Now that I am older and wiser I realize that instead of getting worse with time, I actually get better. Sometimes all we need is distance from those that have been hurting us to realize that they have been doing it. Once you have that clarity it is much easier to move on. And sometimes we just need to have a good cry to feel better!

It seems such a waste

To run around in haste

Take the time to look and see

Everything you're meant to be

Every person has a mission

Try to make the right decision

God has led you so very far

It's time for you to be a star

It's great to look back into my young life and see that I did have some good advice to give. I don't think there is one decision or one purpose for us, but each mission has many smaller pieces that come together to bring us to victory. Although we may stumble a few times along the way, as long as we keep moving forward we will realize our great potential.

You make it hard for me to breathe

I feel like I should grieve

As if I don't have enough problems

This hurt could write a book of poems

Sometimes my heart takes complete control

And I don't know what words will roll

From my head onto this paper go my thoughts

My stomach is all tied in knots

I can't close my eyes to sleep tonight

The memories of you are just too bright

You think I am with him and I forgot you

Think again and read the clue

This mistake was made in haste

Because my life I don't want to waste

I deserve more than heartache

So I decided to take a little break

It didn't work out like I thought it would

And I haven't told him like I know I should

It is apparent that this was a time in my life of great young love and loss. It is interesting to look back and think of those memories with the knowledge I have collected over the last 12 years. Things were so much simpler then, when I was young and the possibilities were endless. As a parent, I hope that I will always be able to remember exactly how each and every memory felt to me at the time I was experiencing it so that I can better understand my daughters as they grow up.

Strange looks from strange faces

People are a curious thing

Wild sounds from wild places

Noise is a wonderful grace

Sweet tastes from sweet glazes

Food that is fit for a king

Harsh demands from a harsh man

Hurt that only life could bring

Lovely scents from a lovely woman

Songs only love could sing

Each branch hugs me ever so gently

Meanwhile the wind caresses me with kisses

And the waves are singing me a lullaby

The sweet smell of the ocean intoxicates me

I feel my worries drift away with the tide

All of my problems are washed up on the beach

Agonizing fear crushed against the rocks

My pain is relieved by nature and its beauty

Now I may sleep comfortably beneath the stars

Have you ever thought back to a specific place and time and wished you could be back there? I remember this little climbing tree on the shore of the Monterey Bay where I could get away from it all with just my thoughts and my notebook and everything was right in the world again. The smells, the sounds, the experience of that place just took me out of my misery and allowed me to be blissfully happy. These days the memories of that time long ago will have to suffice. Everyone should have a moment in time or a special place that they can go to and escape their worries and sorrow. If you don't have one yet, do not worry, it is never too late to create that moment!