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One Sweet Love

Updated on May 29, 2014
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This past year I have been on a mission. Initially, I was looking for a partner, a soul mate. At some point, a little over a year ago, I realized, it wasn't happening. How could I find my man when I wasn't yet certain how to be me? I know. It sounds kind of funny to hear a 54 year-old woman say she is still "finding herself"! But, I guess I am! I have been "single" for 7 years now. Intermittently, in those seven years, I have had relationships. None of them were "the one". I thought that I was meeting and dating enough people to find him but it wasn't happening. After two frightening experiences through online dating, I decided to give that up for a while. That was around the same time that I realized that I was the one responsible for making some wrong choices. I also realized that I wasn't happy with me so why was I expecting anyone else to be? So I decided to make some changes!


"Falling in love consists merely in uncorking the imagination and bottling the common sense."

~ Helen Rowland

This article is not about all the different changes I made this past year even though there were quite a few. I did meet and make many new friends, both male and female. But...I still didn't find the one! Last June I was reading an article by Arielle Ford author of The Soulmate Secret and the new Wabi Sabi Love. It talked about asking the universe for your soulmate. I decided, what the heck? It was now and I was ready. So I read and followed her directions. It was a liberating feeling! First, I worked on what I wanted to order from the universe. Then I went out and placed my order!

“The universe doesn’t give you what you ask for with your thoughts - it gives you what you demand with your actions.”~Steve Maraboli



That was a few months ago. At the time I didn't account for the broken foot that would change my lifestyle quite a bit for a while. I also didn't really account for the fact that my empty nest would no longer be empty. So....here I am, not actively working on anything except going to work and writing! Today when I got in the car, I turned on Pandora. The first song was One Sweet Love by Sara Bareilles. Being the big believer in signs that I am, I can say "I saw the sign." I realized that I have slipped lately. I have just been going through the motions. I had been telling myself that I already had my one sweet love. I was telling myself that it was enough for me. I was telling myself I wasn't worthy of being loved. Of course I am alone. If I don't deem myself worthy, why would someone else?

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Do you believe that there is at least one true soul mate for each person?

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"And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course."~Khalil Gibran

Now comes the fun part...looking for that one sweet love! I'm not sure who he is or where he is but I know that he is out there. I also know that we will find each other. I just don't when! In the meantime, I plan on enjoying the journey!

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    • btrbell profile image
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      Randi Benlulu 5 years ago from Mesa, AZ

      Thank you so much! We are very excited! as my daughter told me this morning, a whole wealth of new hubs coming! So nice to meet you!

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 5 years ago from southern USA

      You are already so blessed and congrats on your first grandchild!!! I have two granddaughters and just this past Wednesday my first grandson was born. Such a joy. In His Love, Faith Reaper

    • btrbell profile image
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      Randi Benlulu 5 years ago from Mesa, AZ

      Thank you so much, Faith Reaper for reading and your beautiful comments. I love the story about the friend of the friend. That is similar to what I deciced to do. I just put it out there to the universe, to God, to friends. I'm here. regardless of how it ends, I have been blessed with 2 beautiful children and the first grandchild on it's way! Doesn't get much better than that! Thank you so much foor stopping by and your vote! I look forward to reading your hubs.

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 5 years ago from southern USA

      What a refreshingly honest hub! I believe once you stop looking, there he'll be right in front of you, maybe he is and you haven't noticed yet. I have a friend of a friend whose husband died, and she told God that if He wanted her to have another husband, He would just have to place him right on her doorstep, and He did!!! They are the cutest couple. I do believe that we all have our soul mates. I have been married for 34 years since the age of 19, and so I guess it was meant to be, and it hasn't always been a picnic, as we all know marriage is all about compromise on both sides and respect of each other. Thanks for the great read. Voted Way Up

      In His Love, Faith Reaper

    • btrbell profile image
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      Randi Benlulu 5 years ago from Mesa, AZ

      Definitely not worth rushing. Too much at stake! I already consider myself blessed twofold as the mother of two children....perfect love! Anything else would be a bonus!

    • coffeegginmyrice profile image

      Marites Mabugat-Simbajon 5 years ago from Toronto, Ontario

      My rule is "Don't rush it. He'll come around when you least expect it. When you know he is the One, don't break it."

      Interesting write. P.S. I believe in soul mates. We've seen this happening and still existing.

    • btrbell profile image
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      Randi Benlulu 5 years ago from Mesa, AZ

      Colin....you are amazing! Your comments are better than the hub! Thank you! I never miss a chance to wish upon a star! Sending you warm thoughts and kisses to the kitties from my home to yours. 7:20 am (first cup of coffee) mountain time, AZ

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 5 years ago

      ......just sing When you wish upon a star .......and remember to be good to yourself - because in order to give out love and respect you have to love and respect yourself - and at 54 I have never been married and have no children and no family either - just my two cats ......

      sending warm wishes and good energy to you from lake erie time ontario canada 7:43am with 2nd cup of coffee, some nice cello music and the sunrise over the lake and all is mellow and all is good in Colin's world ......

    • btrbell profile image
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      Randi Benlulu 5 years ago from Mesa, AZ

      Thank you beadreamer! I appreciate your stopping by and will look for that song! I agree, society does do a number on us. So often the real struggle is between our desire and society's norms. I look forward to checking out your hubs!

    • beadreamer247 profile image

      beadreamer247 5 years ago from Zephyrhills, FL

      Well, I agree with you for most part. Have been there myself, searching for the right now - with some kind of "unconscious" force - and off course it didn't work....never was happy in any of those few relationships. I tried hard and worked on problem solving....but it didn't help. I have chosen not to seek another relationship for now. If it shall happen it will happen one day. Despite the fact that I am 46...I still believe it is far from being too late. And I still have enough things to work on and to do. I think the picture of society, somewhat makes us feel at odds when we are single and we have this inner desire to share our feelings and the love we want to give to another person. But that love and the feelings will not go away, so there is no rush. There is a beautiful song from Cliff Richard (believe it was originally from someone else and different lyrics) called "Snowfall on the Sahara"...where it says: No rush, Ill wait

      Love is timeless, theres no being late......

    • btrbell profile image
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      Randi Benlulu 5 years ago from Mesa, AZ

      No, thank you, Mhatter! And may I say, congratulations? 45 years! That's a great accomplishment!

    • Mhatter99 profile image

      Martin Kloess 5 years ago from San Francisco

      God blessed me with 45 years with my soul mate. Storybook?... far from it. But we lived a life others dream of. As great as the memories are... would I do it again? No way! Thank you for this

    • btrbell profile image
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      Randi Benlulu 5 years ago from Mesa, AZ

      Thank you billybuc! Always a pleasure and honor to have you read my hubs! I have faith and lately, more and more patience! I have no desire to repeat past mistakes!

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      And it will happen when you least expect it. I love your perspective....you had to learn who you were before you could commit to finding someone else. Bravo on this hub and the internal questioning that you went through. I searched for decades; made so many wrong turns...it was only when I just let go that it came to me. I had to quit fighting me for it to happen. Best wishes to you my friend!

    • btrbell profile image
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      Randi Benlulu 5 years ago from Mesa, AZ

      Thank you Christin53 for reading. It took a while for me to learn that. I guess I somehow didn't convey that I am not pursuing this aggressively but rather the opposite.

    • christin53 profile image

      Ann-Christin 5 years ago from UK

      This was a very interesting read and you are right we have to be happy and comfortable with ourselves before we go looking for soul mates and partners. Sometimes when you just relax and stopping looking you find the one you are looking for.

    • btrbell profile image
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      Randi Benlulu 5 years ago from Mesa, AZ

      Thank you so much for reading and for your concern! Your 2 cents are always welcome. If this puts your mind at ease, my plan is to not actively pursue, just to be open and ready for it! Congratulations on 32 years! That's great!

    • rcrumple profile image

      Rich 5 years ago from Kentucky

      Randi -

      I wish I had an answer for you. As you're aware, I've been married 32 years. Times weren't always good, but in sticking by each other we're reached a point of no going back, or wanting to. I've always been one to believe, "if it's meant to happen, it will." My only word of warning is to be careful. You're on a quest, but don't let that detour a "safety" zone. There's too many monsters lurking in the bushes that prey in this day and age. There's numerous news reports and broadcasts that confirm that. Find the inner happiness, and then, allow it to attract the person meant in your life. Have patience. Time is not running out, it's just getting closer to happiness. So much for my two cents. I haven't dated in so long I couldn't succeed even if I wanted. lol I wish you the best!

    • btrbell profile image
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      Randi Benlulu 5 years ago from Mesa, AZ

      Thank you Maria Cecilia! It's true we are often governed by society's norms rather than our own. I have a friend who is in a serious relationship, yet every time she goes out with "the girls", she is looking for the next one! Good luck to you!

    • Maria Cecilia profile image

      Maria Cecilia 5 years ago from Philippines

      Nice one, when I told my friends that I am not pressured that I don't have someone yet at this age, they have a hard time believing... I told them there is so much about myself that I still need to fulfill, they said it's the same with them but they were pressured still, it's like I won't think of marriage when I still don't have a boyfriend....... what can I do? I guess I learned not to focus on what I don't have and just focus on what I can do.

    • btrbell profile image
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      Randi Benlulu 5 years ago from Mesa, AZ

      Thank you, Phillydreamer for reading and your great comments and wisdom. You are right! When we try too hard, we usually don't get what we want or need. One of my biggest concerns is that i am getting a little set in my ways! So happy for you and Anexis (beautiful name!) and your very lucky babies!

    • PHILLYDREAMER profile image

      Jose Velasquez 5 years ago from Lodi, New Jersey

      Aww! It's hard to see anyone struggle with being single. When I had just turned 30 I had just ended a 9 year relationship a couple years before. I was ready to move on, but after some failed attempts I started to grow very bitter towards women. After a while it got to the point where, I was keeping a mental checklist, and if the person I was dating didn't meet all the requirements, I'd end it quickly. One I realized I was getting no where on the dating scene, I resigned myself to the idea of being single. Once I changed my thought process, and embraced the single life, I discovered how much poetry made me happy. I had a new passion in life, and through that passion I met my Anexis. We have been together for over 3 years, we had twins, and my life has changed for the better since I met her. The moral is if you find yourself obsessing over the thing you want the most, take a step away from it, and usually the universe will find a way to bring it to you.