Open Letter to the Coors Brewing Company
© by Shyron Shenko
Coors Brewing Company
Golden, Colorado 80401
To whom it may or may not concern:
June 20th, 2016 at the Walmart, in Lewisville, Texas. I bought the pack of beer unrefrigerated for my hubby who suddenly had a craving for one. I do not have enough room in my refrigerator to put the whole package and must put it in the pantry.
This is to inform you that the pet snake you so graciously included in the Coors Light 12 pack of 16 ounce cans has expired (not the beer, it is supposed to be good to September 2016) it is the snake I am talking about.
I always believed that all snakes are deadly, poisonous or not. I thought if I should encounter one close enough to bite, even if it did not bite me, I would die of a heart attack. You taught me that I was wrong. For that I thank you.
I put the package of beer on its end with the two slots for a handle on the side and when I began to open up the end to remove a couple to refrigerate, the pet snake you enclosed poked its head outside, it smiled at me and slithered down the side.
I tried to catch it by the tail as it slithered by and underneath the battery operated broom between the bristles of the beater bar to hide. When it poked it’s head out on the other side, that is when I sprayed him with the ant spray and Mr./Mrs. snake backed up inside,
I really did not mean to kill it but did not want to share the beer and have a drunken snake running round in here.
Dragging the battery operated broom outside, and opened it up to see if the snake was inside. It was not in the catch basket, but I could see it pulsating on the bar and I shook it out, and thought that with fresh air it would revive, it fell out on the sidewalk and its mouth was open wide gasping for one last
breath of air. It must have taken a beating by the beater bar as I rolled the broom across the floor to get it out the door. By the time I picked it up and got it in a jar, the poor pet snake was dead.
Next time you enclose a bonus pet in your packs of beer, please do not surprise us, and tell us what kind of pet we can expect to see. And tell us if you please, what it likes to eat and if it is poisonous or not, if it’s one we’d like to keep.
Worms in Tequila
Worms in tequila is something that I hear, but I don’t think I care to see another snake packaged with my beer.
Shyron E. Shenko
P.S. it is about 6 inches long and brown and with a white underbelly and has a pointed nose.
© 2016 Shyron E Shenko