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Pastels for Versace

Updated on December 17, 2012
PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

Justin W. Price, AKA PDXKaraokeGuy, is a freelance writer, blogger, and award-nominated author based out of Juneau, Alaska.

I'll be honest, I've been struggling with this poem for years. It's now better than I've had it before and maybe I'm being my own worst critic, but I feel like it's not done and it's missing something. I'm open to suggestions/critques.


Aside from this, I hope you enjoy it.

Source

Take a chance and dive right in,
the water's fine.
Plumb the line
Swim out to the masses
Put on your life preserver and dive.

Sinking
in a sea of narcoleptic conformity.
Treading water to stay alive,
drown in anonymity.

It's all a dance and I dance alone
The music's fine
And I keep the time.
In three four standard meter.

Give me your hand, I’ll be fine.

Waltzing
on a floor of nihilistic uniformity.
Keeping the rhythm to stay on beat
I Dance in anonymity





all rights reserved. copyright Justin W. Price 2000

Thanks for Reading.


Comments

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    • PDXKaraokeGuy profile imageAUTHOR

      Justin W Price 

      6 years ago from Juneau, Alaska

      Thanks Tammy. I'd never considered that aspect, but that's very interesting. I also can't hear "stopped short" without thinking of Seinfeld

    • tammyswallow profile image

      Tammy 

      6 years ago from North Carolina

      Great job on a great subject. I admire non-conformists like Versace. I think if the poem "stops short" it is a great way to parallel Versace's life also since he died so abrubtly and so young. Well done!

    • PDXKaraokeGuy profile imageAUTHOR

      Justin W Price 

      6 years ago from Juneau, Alaska

      Thank you Winbo, I'm glad you enjoyed this piece :-)

    • winbo profile image

      winbo 

      6 years ago

      really I enjoyed it

    • PDXKaraokeGuy profile imageAUTHOR

      Justin W Price 

      6 years ago from Juneau, Alaska

      Thanks, Kelly, but, who can afford Versace?

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 

      6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Yah PDX - I wouldn't change it - I do love it like it is. Love Versace!

    • PDXKaraokeGuy profile imageAUTHOR

      Justin W Price 

      6 years ago from Juneau, Alaska

      Twila and Bri, thanks for stopping by and for the votes. Based on the feedback I'm receiving, this poem is done. However, I'm constantly revising all my poems, so, it would certainly be wise indeed to check back!

    • twilanelson profile image

      Twila Nelson 

      6 years ago from Carmichael, California

      Wonderfully written poem, I will keep checking back just in case you change even one word. Thank you.

    • profile image

      bri36 

      6 years ago

      feels preety good to me! I like the way it flows into the minds eye. yes i voted^

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      6 years ago from Southern Illinois

      I enjoyed it. I wouldn't change a thing.....

    • PDXKaraokeGuy profile imageAUTHOR

      Justin W Price 

      6 years ago from Juneau, Alaska

      Thanks for the comments. I still feel like it might be trite in some places, but perhaps it's not actually

    • lyns profile image

      lyns 

      6 years ago from USA

      I like it just stopped by seen you had written another one, very nice short sweet Up and interesting, thanks for sharing have a great evening it's 1:03 am.

    • profile image

      Sueswan 

      6 years ago

      I really enjoyed it. Don't change a thing.

      Voted up and awesome.

    • profile image

      jenubouka 

      6 years ago

      You shouldn't be so critical on yourself, which I know is an impossible task for a writer, this is a short but worthy piece to be read. When all else fails...just write.

    • OutsideTheLines profile image

      OutsideTheLines 

      6 years ago from Tulsa, OK

      I think it's perfect as is! Don't change a thing. This is great.

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