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Pastels for Versace
I'll be honest, I've been struggling with this poem for years. It's now better than I've had it before and maybe I'm being my own worst critic, but I feel like it's not done and it's missing something. I'm open to suggestions/critques.
Aside from this, I hope you enjoy it.
Take a chance and dive right in,
the water's fine.
Plumb the line
Swim out to the masses
Put on your life preserver and dive.
Sinking
in a sea of narcoleptic conformity.
Treading water to stay alive,
drown in anonymity.
It's all a dance and I dance alone
The music's fine
And I keep the time.
In three four standard meter.
Give me your hand, I’ll be fine.
Waltzing
on a floor of nihilistic uniformity.
Keeping the rhythm to stay on beat
I Dance in anonymity
all rights reserved. copyright Justin W. Price 2000
Thanks for Reading.
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Comments
- Author
Thanks Tammy. I'd never considered that aspect, but that's very interesting. I also can't hear "stopped short" without thinking of Seinfeld
Great job on a great subject. I admire non-conformists like Versace. I think if the poem "stops short" it is a great way to parallel Versace's life also since he died so abrubtly and so young. Well done!
- Author
Thank you Winbo, I'm glad you enjoyed this piece :-)
really I enjoyed it
- Author
Thanks, Kelly, but, who can afford Versace?
Yah PDX - I wouldn't change it - I do love it like it is. Love Versace!
- Author
Twila and Bri, thanks for stopping by and for the votes. Based on the feedback I'm receiving, this poem is done. However, I'm constantly revising all my poems, so, it would certainly be wise indeed to check back!
Wonderfully written poem, I will keep checking back just in case you change even one word. Thank you.
feels preety good to me! I like the way it flows into the minds eye. yes i voted^
I enjoyed it. I wouldn't change a thing.....
- Author
Thanks for the comments. I still feel like it might be trite in some places, but perhaps it's not actually
I like it just stopped by seen you had written another one, very nice short sweet Up and interesting, thanks for sharing have a great evening it's 1:03 am.
I really enjoyed it. Don't change a thing.
Voted up and awesome.
You shouldn't be so critical on yourself, which I know is an impossible task for a writer, this is a short but worthy piece to be read. When all else fails...just write.
I think it's perfect as is! Don't change a thing. This is great.
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