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Philippine-Jokes-Funny Jokes-Funny Videos

Updated on February 3, 2013


The Painter:
There was one Pinoy who came to America and looked at the classified ads for painting jobs. He came across the "Help Wanted" section that read - "Wanted: Painter of Porch", and thought that was perfect for his capabilities.And so he went to the American who posted the ad. American: I need my porch painted in a day.

You need to scrape all the paint up to the bare surface, and apply a coat of primer then two final coats of orange paint. Can you do that?
Pinoy: Oh yes, sir.. yes, sir! I can remoob the paint then apply orange paint beri well!
American: Ok! You got the job. Just get everything you need from the trunk of the car.After 3 hours...Pinoy: Sir, work is pinis oreydi!
American: Wow! I'm amazed you did it in 3 hours. Did you scrape all the old paint to the bare surface?
Pinoy: Oh yes, sir! Yes, sir! I tanggalated all the old paint!
American: Well then, here's your $20 bonus!
Pinoy: Golly, sir! Tenk yu beri much. But sir, you don't heb a porch.. your car is a BMW...!


Imelda Marcos goes to heaven:

Imelda dies and goes to heaven. The heavenly court is gathered to welcome all the newcomers to heaven. God the Father is there seated on his throne in his entire splendor. The Second Person of the Trinity is there also, and the Holy Spirit, the Virgin Mary, and all the saints.

As Imelda enters, everyone stands up ­ except God the Father, who does not get up from his throne. Jesus, the second Person of the Trinity turns to him, and says, "Heavenly Father, what's the matter? Why don't you stand up to welcome Imelda Marcos?

God the Father replies: "I am afraid to lose my seat. If I stand up she will take my throne.


Funny Commercial from the Philippines - Toilet


A business man got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, 'T-G-I-F.'

He smiled at her and replied, 'S-H-I-T.'

She looked puzzled and repeated, 'T-G-I-F,' more slowly.

He again answered, 'S-H-I-T.'

The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly, 'T-G-I-F.'

The man smiled back to her and once again said, 'S-H-I-T.'

The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain.

'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank Goodness It's Friday.'
Get it, duuhhh?'

The man answered, ''S-H-I-T' means...

'Sorry, Honey, it's Thursday'!!!


No Look Good

One day, a farmer?s horse had died and he needed another horse to pull his plow.

As the farmer was walking down the road, he saw a horse eating grass in the pasture and questioned the owner. "How much money would you like for that horse?"

The Filipino man replied, "He not por sale. Him no look too good."

The farmer looked at the horse and said, "He looks fine to me!

How much for the horse?"

The Filipino man again said, "Excuse me sir, but the horse, he no look too good."

The farmer got a little frustrated and gave the man 3 hundred dollars and said, "The horse looks fine to me.,,,,I?ll take it."

The Filipino man said, "Tank you sir! But the horse. He no look good."

The farmer just got the horse and walked away shaking his head. He went home and hooked the horse up to the plow. The horse went everywhere except straight.

After a careful examination, the farmer discovered that the horse was blind! He was angry and went back to the Filipino man and said that his horse was blind.

Again the Filipino man replied, "I told you sir. He no look too good!" (Got it? No Look Good?! Can?t see well?)

Funny Philippine Commercial (one wish )


Submit a Comment

  • profile image

    Puta 6 years ago

    Where do philipines get thir main source of income.....

    From Elton and david..

  • Team A profile image

    Team A 7 years ago

    This hub is nice Mr. Nice! Proud to be a Filipino!

  • Mr Nice profile image

    Mr Nice 8 years ago from North America

    Apakabar prasetio30,

    Thanks for enjoying the Philipino jokes. I was thinking to remove "Ways To Know You Are A Filipino" because may be Phillipino people hate me. Take care

  • prasetio30 profile image

    prasetio30 8 years ago from malang-indonesia

    those are really funny. I am glad to know all the Joke from Philippine. thanks

  • Mr Nice profile image

    Mr Nice 8 years ago from North America

    Hi pretty,

    welcome again, I am not that bad..........hahahaha please don't hate me.

  • prettydarkhorse profile image

    prettydarkhorse 8 years ago from US

    youre crazy hehe, I heart you, thank you!

  • Mr Nice profile image

    Mr Nice 8 years ago from North America


    Thanks for the comments. Please visit again.

  • samboiam profile image

    samboiam 8 years ago from Texas

    Thanks for such a delightful hub. I liked the T-G-I-F joke.