Novelty Mailboxes Announces the New Leprechaun Mailbox Topper 7

Makes a splash. Takes a splash.

Ever since Leprechaun Mailbox Topper 7 was announced earlier this Spring, every journalist in the niche-novelty mailbox sector has gone to exorbitant and even downright morally questionable lengths to find out if this new topper would be completely water resistant. But Bo Bridges, the founder and CEO of Novelty Mailboxes, has refused to speak to the press.

But I now have the sauce everybody's been dying to taste.

After waiting for twelve seconds on hold to speak with Mr. Bridges, the operator finally put me through to his fourth-in-command, Sammy Jankis. Below is a transcript of our conversation:

Me: "Sammy, my main man. How's it hanging?"
Sammy: "Who is this?"
Me: "Sammy, it's me: Irvin Watson."
Sammy: "Who are you with?"
Me: "I'm with the Pages, man. The Hub. The Pages at the Hub."
Sammy: "I don't--"
Me: "You just have to tell me one thing -- is the new Leprechaun Mailbox topper 100% water resistant?"
Sammy: "Sure, it's designed to weather the elements. People are going to put it on top of their mailboxes, so--"
Me: "Sweet jelly beans. Can I pre-order it now?
Sammy: "You can just order it. Or buy it at Wal-Mart, I guess."
Me: "Click."
Sammy: "Did you just say cli--"

And that's when I hung up. Like a baller.

So there you have it. The rumors are true. This sizzling Leprechaun resists Poseidon's fury like a champ. I've already put my pre-order in with Wal-Mart.

This Leprechaun Mailbox topper is not equipped with a camera of any kind.

However, I am told by Grand Master Speckles (a 4-inch clone of me who sits on my left shoulder) that if this topper did have a camera, it wouldn't be alone.

But wait, if it's not alone, then wouldn't that mean... more than one camera?

Believe it or not, this mailbox topper would actually have two cameras which by their duplicitous powers of marketing persuasion would compel the average and indebted consumer to put in his or her pre-order long before ascertaining the purpose or use of two cameras in a Leprechaun mailbox topper.

Also, I'm pretty sure this Leprechaun may be a sorcerer.

Almost everything you experience with your iPhone... er, I mean Leprechaun Mailbox Topper, comes to life on this new particle board display attached to the rusted aluminum mailbox outside your trailer.

All of your photos, messages, news, and status updates will be on your phone where they always are, so you should look there and not at your mailbox topper.

Even so, the Leprechaun Mailbox Topper 7 uses a more robust and striking green than previous models. He's colorful in a way that makes me wish I could just carry him around in my pocket and whip him out in front of dinner guests. I can see me now, ignoring the droning speech of friends and family in order to send text messages to my other friends and family by poking Morse code sequences into the Leprechaun's belly button.

Ah, but if only our dreams could become reality.

After pressing the issue with Sammy Jankis in another call back to Novelty Mailboxes, I was able to gather the official price points for the Leprechaun Mailbox Topper 7:

The standard model starts at $53.94 plus $15.00 to ship.

There is no Plus model.

So, as cool as this new model appears to be and as great as it would be to have a 100% waterproof mailbox topper with brighter greens and the not-included but speculative capabilities for two cameras that work simultaneously... I'm going to suggest we all just stick with the Leprechaun 6S. I've already cancelled my pre-order with Wal-Mart.

I need my $54 to buy paper towels and coffee filters anyway. Also, I'm not all that into niche mailbox accessories.

P.S. before you leave, check out the video below starring my favorite Leprechaun of all time and be sure to participate in the poll.