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Please Don't Let Me Drown (Poetry)

Updated on June 25, 2013
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As I lay here on my pillow,

Head too heavy to hold high,

Burdens of the world weighing on my chest,

No rest for my weary eyes.


I ponder on dreams,

I never could achieve,

And think of ways

To pull an ace out my sleeve.


I need to get back on top,

Before I drown at the bottom

Doubt’s creeping in my thoughts,

And it’s real hard to stop him.


How can I keep fighting,

When my fights almost gone.

I keep thinking

I won’t live to see another dawn.


But there’s too much at stake,

To let myself give up now.

It’s time to sink or swim

Please someone

Don’t let me drown.



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    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 

      6 years ago

      Your poetry is very good. I've read some of your work before. Don't get discouraged!

    • PHILLYDREAMER profile imageAUTHOR

      Jose Velasquez 

      6 years ago from Lodi, New Jersey

      I'm also not as good at metaphor as I would like to be.

    • MickeySr profile image

      MickeySr 

      6 years ago from Hershey, Pa.

      To get your reader's attention and keep them alert,

      A familiar phrase here and there - eh, it couldn't hurt.

    • PHILLYDREAMER profile imageAUTHOR

      Jose Velasquez 

      6 years ago from Lodi, New Jersey

      Thanks love doctor. I keep pushing on.

      Mickey Sr. I love to use axioms to my poetry to help everyone to enjoy it. Sometimes it comes off as cliche, but I find it make poetry much more popular. I do try to use it in an new and interesting way though. Thanks for reading.

    • MickeySr profile image

      MickeySr 

      6 years ago from Hershey, Pa.

      I love the way you incorporate a familiar axiom, "To pull an ace out my sleeve" - and I love how you personify doubt ". . . it’s real hard to stop him". I'm interested to check-out your other pieces.

    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 

      6 years ago

      There is always light at the end of the tunnel! Don't give up. Vote up awesome!

    • PHILLYDREAMER profile imageAUTHOR

      Jose Velasquez 

      6 years ago from Lodi, New Jersey

      Somtimes it's like that, but still we fear one day there won't be.

    • jhamann profile image

      Jamie Lee Hamann 

      6 years ago from Reno NV

      It seems someone is always there to help, even though sometimes I don't notice. Jamie

    • PHILLYDREAMER profile imageAUTHOR

      Jose Velasquez 

      6 years ago from Lodi, New Jersey

      Is it just these hard times that do it to you?

    • christin53 profile image

      Ann-Christin 

      6 years ago from UK

      Brilliant poem I feel like that myself sometimes.

    • PHILLYDREAMER profile imageAUTHOR

      Jose Velasquez 

      6 years ago from Lodi, New Jersey

      Mefaj, I'm glad you liked it.

      Maddambutterfly, my poetry is inspired by my emotions, and I try hard to convey it with the right words. I really appreciate that you noticed.

    • Maddambutterfly profile image

      Marie V Stephens 

      6 years ago from New Mexico

      I loved the way that you were able to convey your anguish through your words. It's a gift when you can make the reader feel what your feeling.

    • profile image

      mefajf07300302 

      6 years ago

      I love this poem! Great job

    • PHILLYDREAMER profile imageAUTHOR

      Jose Velasquez 

      6 years ago from Lodi, New Jersey

      Thanks Angela. I had a hard day yesterday, and I needed to get this one out.

    • Angela Brummer profile image

      Angela Brummer 

      6 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      Oh this is amazing I actually feel this ways sometimes! Great poetry. I will share!

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