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The Four Corners

Updated on February 16, 2011

this four-cornered cave, i've been calling my home
the sun has dried up
and left bleached like a bone

this bone i've been living in, like an old woman's shoe
but i have no children
and i have nothing to do

this deed that i've done, it has been done for me
but I was condemned
and condemned to be free

this freedom is nothing, not like freedom at all
i sit staring at shadows
shadows play on the walls

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    • japtaker profile image
      Author

      Justin Aptaker 6 years ago from United States

      Thank you, Perspycacious. Your encouraging comments are much appreciated.

    • Perspycacious profile image

      Demas W Jasper 6 years ago from Today's America and The World Beyond

      I admire your candor and wonder why Lucifer decided to make you a special target for his "mind blowing" terrors.

      He doesn't waste much time on "the easy ones." Keep your focus on the things you know to be important, and by all means keep on publishing.

    • japtaker profile image
      Author

      Justin Aptaker 7 years ago from United States

      Thank you, no long anxious! I read a bit of your hub about your experiences with anxiety yesterday. I didn't get all the way through it because I was exhausted from a long day at work, but I did intend to finish it. I can certainly relate to the kind of anxiety you speak of (if you read my hub, Blasphemous Thoughts and Unforgivable Sins, you'll see what I mean). Even besides the things I describe in that hub though, I suffered from horrific panic attacks for about six months when I was nineteen or twenty. They happened every day, lasted several hours, and were so bad that they made me dissociate from my own body. I would float above myself, or merge with trees... I would begin to see physical objects as unreal: they would turn into series of musical notes or mathematical equations. Weird, I know. They say that panic attacks are supposed to last a few minutes, but that doesn't really take into account people like you and I, for whom they have been nightmares that last excruciating hours on end. Anyways, I have to go off to work now, but I'm looking forward to finishing your hub, and to talking to you some more.

      As for the dark feel in my poetry... hmmm. I guess it just came from my "existential" struggles with trying to reconcile the extremely religious way that I was raised with the real world that I was beginning to come into contact with (and a very harsh side of the real world, at that), and the knowledge that was being poured into me in college. On top of that, there would be my debilitating terror of death (specifically, of nothingness, annihilation), and my neurotic and psychotic experiences, as well as my struggles with substance abuse and addiction.

    • no longer anxious profile image

      no longer anxious 7 years ago from British Columbia

      i like your stuff,,,where does the dark feel come from?

    • japtaker profile image
      Author

      Justin Aptaker 7 years ago from United States

      Thanks, Monique. Actually, I had Plato's cave analogy in mind when I wrote this poem! Good observation!

    • profile image

      Monique 7 years ago

      Great poem. Reminds me of Plato's idea of shadows.

    • japtaker profile image
      Author

      Justin Aptaker 7 years ago from United States

      Thank you! There's no sequel... yet :-)

    • pennyofheaven profile image

      pennyofheaven 7 years ago from New Zealand

      Awesome poem! Is there a sequel?

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