The Things I Hide From You

I watch from my window as the rain pours down,

I listen in my head as the words start to pound.

I wish I could see what you see,

I wish I could find the good in me.

I look to my heart, but its bleak and it’s black,

I try to look forward, but all my mind can do is keep wandering back.

The past envelopes me like a thick fog,

It gnaws away on my soul like a rabid dog.

You try to convince me I’m someone, I am.

If I didn’t know better I’d say you are my fan.

You look in my eyes and the tears start to burn,

Because I know it is you at these darkest moments to which I should turn.

But the fear makes me weak,

So I try to hold on alone, however meek.

The rain seems to shudder and wash through the streets,

In every second my strength draws brief.

I wish I could see, just what you see in me.

But all I wish now is to feel free.

I don’t wish to cause pain,

Just all this searching for a meaning is dying in vain.

A smile on the outside,

Protects this innocent lie.

When your there with a love so warm,

Not even knowing this is just the calm before the storm.

I put on a show and I fooled you all,

No one expected I would fall.

I fell so far from what was said to be grace,

Believing I could vanish without a trace.

But there you were still looking at me,

Still looking in my heart and what did you see?

You realised my emptiness the hurt and the ache,

How I walked around happy, when it all must have been so fake.

You felt you had failed me, that you shouldn’t have been so blind.

Now all you feel is anger,

For I have left you behind.