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Poor Analisa- Flash Fiction : A response to challenge by DzyMsLizzy

Updated on November 13, 2019
nikkikhan10 profile image

Nikki Khan is mum of three cute kids, writing is not her profession but it's her passion to write. Nikki enjoys writing stories and poetry.

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Author's Note

This story is a response to the flash fiction challenge put out by DzyMsLizzy in the forum. Here is her challenge:

For anyone interested, for the fun of it, write a short (flash fiction) type of story, in which the following sentence must appear at some point:

"Analisa sat alone on the park bench, the scowl on her face as dark as the gathering thunderclouds."

Have fun guys!


Poor Analisa

Analisa ran as fast as her little legs could aid up. She didn’t want to look behind. She wasn’t thinking at all. Just wanted to get off far away. Soon, she crossed the road in front of her home. She was heading to the park, right in front of her. She sat on her favourite bench in the park. Kids were playing around. Some elderly people were sitting on other benches.

But Analisa wasn’t noticing anyone, or didn’t want to. It was really cold, her hands were trembling with freeze. Tears on her cheeks got dried till now. But her pain didn’t lessen. Her home wasn’t comforting anymore. Her mum was so changed. Since her twin brothers were born. All got different for poor Analisa. There were dirty nappies, vomit clothes of her brothers, all around her home. A nasty smell of poop all over the place. Yuck.

Analisa sat alone on the park bench. The scowl on her face as dark as the gathering thunderclouds. Where on earth, she could live now when her own home became a burning hell for her. Her mum was yelling after her almost everyday. She had to help her mother in every task. From diaper changing to cleaning the house.

And babies were crying all night. She hated noise at night.


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Was it her mistake? Why mommy was so angry? Nope. It was all because of her baby brothers. They were making mum act bad. Mommy never hit her before. But today, was the second time. She didn’t like them anymore.
Hitting was so distressing for poor Analisa. She felt like her self-esteem was damaged. She was confused and angry. She didn’t want mum to hit her. Her eyes got wet again. She screamed as loud as possible.
“I hate you Mommy! Please don’t hit me. I don’t like it.”

She saw her mum coming towards her. She sat besides Analisa. Her mum hugged her. Wiped her tears. Kissed her many times. Analisa felt her mum’s wet cheeks.

“I’m sorry, my love. I did hurt you. I won’t do this again.”

“Promise?”

“Promise my princess.”

”I love you mommy.”Analisa kissed her mother.

“I love you too my darling Analisa.”

“I have made your favourite cheese pasta with some veggie chips. Let’s go home.”

“Ahh, yum!” Analisa chukled.

She wasn’t poor Analisa anymore as they walked back home. Hand in hand.



© 2019 Nikki Khan

Comments

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    • nikkikhan10 profile imageAUTHOR

      Nikki Khan 

      3 weeks ago from London

      Thanks Linda. We do really courage up to rise such issues, and find some solutions to them socially.

      Thanks for your nice comment dear.

    • AliciaC profile image

      Linda Crampton 

      3 weeks ago from British Columbia, Canada

      I'm glad the ending was happy, but it's sad to hear that the mother hit the child. This is a thought-provoking story, Nikki.

    • nikkikhan10 profile imageAUTHOR

      Nikki Khan 

      3 weeks ago from London

      This is the question actually FlourishAnyway. How long and why? And really when? What on earth, can really stop this torture. I might write one more hub on this, exploring the possibilities and psyche of those guardians, that why the hell is this happening?

      Thanks for your comment dear!

    • nikkikhan10 profile imageAUTHOR

      Nikki Khan 

      3 weeks ago from London

      Thanks Manatita ji. Much gratitude.

    • nikkikhan10 profile imageAUTHOR

      Nikki Khan 

      3 weeks ago from London

      Hello shannon, it is a postpartum feeling of a child who has to go through very tough period, in those days.

      But this story is also about pinpointing very serious issue, child abuse, at the same time.

      Abuse is not only physical, but hitting or slapping a little kid, is like abusing her mind, her innocent thoughts.

      Which shouldn’t be allowed, even by parents.

      Thanks for getting along dear.

    • nikkikhan10 profile imageAUTHOR

      Nikki Khan 

      3 weeks ago from London

      Thanks my darling Ruby for liking this story. Happy endings are indeed, the best. They give readers, a new hope and spirit to look at their lives with another angle.

      Blessings my dear!

    • nikkikhan10 profile imageAUTHOR

      Nikki Khan 

      3 weeks ago from London

      Bill my friend, thanks for your comment. I love happy endings too. But there aren’t happy ones for many around us. We need to watch for those too.

      Blessings to you and Bev!

    • nikkikhan10 profile imageAUTHOR

      Nikki Khan 

      3 weeks ago from London

      Yes Mary, this is so real and grieving too. I just can’t understand why parents just hit their kids for no reason. This thing can break a child’s personality, sometimes.

      We need to be very careful with many things when we are upbringing a child, not an easy task to do.

      Thanks for your visit dear!

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 

      3 weeks ago from USA

      A sad story with a temporarily happy ending. You do wonder how long the glee will last though.

    • manatita44 profile image

      manatita44 

      3 weeks ago from london

      Having her as a kid allowed you to explore more. Nice thought and a job well done, I must say. You are a natural, Nikki Ji. Much Love.

    • shanmarie profile image

      Shannon Henry 

      3 weeks ago from Texas

      A sad story, but at least it has a happy ending. Sounds like postpartum depression from a child's point of view.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      3 weeks ago from Southern Illinois

      Such a sweet story! I love happy endings. Loved reading your story,

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      3 weeks ago from Olympia, WA

      A wonderful response to the challenge, Nikki, and I love happy endings!!!

    • aesta1 profile image

      Mary Norton 

      3 weeks ago from Ontario, Canada

      I always love a happy resolution. This is lived by many in our midst. It's real.

    • nikkikhan10 profile imageAUTHOR

      Nikki Khan 

      3 weeks ago from London

      Yes Tiyasha, it’s bit of sad one. But this is somewhat reality too. And as a writer, I do feel this very burden to show up the dark aspects of our community as well.

      Thanks for visiting.

    • nikkikhan10 profile imageAUTHOR

      Nikki Khan 

      3 weeks ago from London

      Thanks Liz for leaving your insights.

      Blessings my dear.

    • Cattaleya profile image

      Tiyasha Maitra 

      3 weeks ago from New Delhi

      A nice story. Sad but with a sweet ending. Good job Nikki.

    • Eurofile profile image

      Liz Westwood 

      3 weeks ago from UK

      This is a well-written and creative response to the challenge.

    • nikkikhan10 profile imageAUTHOR

      Nikki Khan 

      3 weeks ago from London

      This is based on real life incident Jodah. I have actually seen a parent hitting her 3 years old daughter on a bus yesterday. Very shocking was for me. Just think about the trauma of this little girl who got slapped again and again.

      Not knowing about the factor behind.

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 

      3 weeks ago from Queensland Australia

      A sad story, Nikki. Thank you for taking up the challenge.

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