Prayers in a Glass (My Reflection)

I saw my reflection in a glass.
I knew I was smiling,
but the reflection was sad.
I'm almost certain
it was a hallucination
or a dream I had.
Real or not, I still feel bad.
Proven or not, there's still a chance
it was reality.

Most days, I'm dressed in all black
from my hair to my boots with
red nails, but today my ego is on mute.
My art is on scream status,
music blasting,
I'm sober for now,
but we'll see what happens.
For once, I am hopeful
I just might stop the madness.

Dear God,
Protect my brother,
take care of my mother,
and strengthen my nephew's heart.
when he falls,
I don't want him falling too hard.
Tell him the pain he'll go through to get back up
will hurt more than the initial impact.
For every action there's a consequence,
tell him to protect what's precious,
be cool, and to walk with confidence.

Dear God,
I owe an apology to my BFF,
or is it him to me?
There's an elephant in the room
we refuse to acknowledge.
Words that remain unspoken
don't get written,
but I'll admit it,
I made the wrong decision.

Lately, my prayers have looked like suicide notes.
Don't worry, I'm not letting go.

Dear God,
I don't want to forget the beauty
I've seen the the butterfly's wings.
The art I've touched
has helped me become
whatever the hell I am.
I'm not depressed,
but im one hell of a mess,
and I tend to forget I'm human.

I'm beautifully odd,
painfully numb,
a stupid, dumb piece art,
a fraction of an innocent heart,
a slice of evil...
But I followed your orders.
You said, "Let your passions lead you."
and I have.

Wait, did you say that or was it me?

I'm mixing tears with vodka
and neither tastes watered down.
Make sure Momma knows I love her
if I'm not always around.
Into an ocean, allow my legacy to grow
because for years, I've given raindrops of my soul.
Tears to rhymes- Yo, I can flood the entire city.

I am a lioness
who fell into a victim's spot,
but i will rise again
as a female king.
They burn,
but the flames
aren't hot enough for me.

To my baby, rest in peace.
Rest in peace,
but I don't talk about that.
God, can I mute the emotion?
I'm not a mother,
don't wanna be devoted.

I kinda wish I was 10
sleeping in the room
across from my big brother once again.
If I could revisit that innocence
with today's knowledge
I would know how to cherish it.

I never thought I'd live to know
I wouldn't ever have that life again.
I also didn't intend to miss it, but I do.

The entire holiday season pisses me off.
If only one wish could come true, God.
I'd wish we hadn't gone at each other's throats so hard.
We both decided to tattoo over our scars,
but in our hearts we feel
the way our skin really looks without the ink.

I wish my big brother still shook me awake for saturday morning cartoons...

I wish we could just toast to our secrets.
Momma said don't let those tales leave the house.
I don't remember much about
feeling like a child,
I mainly recall
being the size of one,
Now I'm done,
that's enough fresh air for now...