Pretense Shuffleboard
Woke up this morning in such a fright
Startled at the reflection in the mirror
Everything was completely uncouth about it
Hair standing up on ends like it was struck by lightning
A cross between Don King and Albert Einstein
If that's such a dreadful thing to vision
A corrupt promoter and a genius
Wondered what those society matrons would think
Disappointed that hair and make-up wasn't picture perfect
What if someone came to visit in the middle of the night
A delusion of epic proportions because even perfectionist
Needed to have the opportunity to relaz
And let their hair down so to speak
Would never do so; always had to completely on point
Everyone always expected the best from her
Perfect party planner and hostess with the most skills
All elements planned to a complete and spooky science
Nothing was out of place; not even their hair or clothes
Not a single wrinkle was to be found, or there would be consequences
Rules and regulations meant to be followed
Not allowed to let the masses know if anything was wrong
A perfect presentation of Mrs. Manners
Dressed to impress in DVF red floor-length stunner
Brand new black Aerosoles two inch heels
Strutted into the crystal flavored ballroom
On the strength of ninja grade Nunchucks
A quarter smile plastered on with Gorilla Glue
Controlled emotion without giving away a winning hand
Bluffed the hostess into quiet illusion of security
Made them get short term amnesia after last week
Plate throwing incident with the intended target
Locked in their chair in slack jawed silence
Embarrassed their dinner companion
Dropped the disguise of politeness
No more passing of the salt or the pepper
Another meal of braised beef and roasted potatoes
Can no longer stomach pretending to be cordial
Meal not even worth $40 price tag
Hoisted the pathetically expensive plate
Dumped it over the former partner's head
And left this charade behind for good
Prepare for McDonald's and sweatpants
Now, that's a Blockbuster night.
