Prince Phillip gets his Balls Washed!? What a lot of Bull!!

Tentatively, yet gently, I began to wash Prince Phillip's Balls!
Well, I had only myself to blame for landing in this predicament. I totally fucked-up my last year in school and destroyed any plans for higher education.
I failed - the final humiliation - the Artificer's exam to join the Royal Navy.

In desperation, my guardian and grandfather rolled over the objections of my mother to enroll me in this low-budget government scheme set up to net people just like me, losers who the family just wanted to scrape under the carpet.
Perhaps I had unconsciously scrubbed a little harder than I meant to and Phillip gave a start and glared at me. I pulled back a foot and plunged my flannel anew into the sudsy liquid. "Sorry, Prince", I murmured, " I'll be a bit more careful."
"You'd better be," smiled Alf, Phillip's right hand man,"He chucked the last bloke that was rough with him through the door!"
"Why does he need his balls washed anyway," I complained, with one eye on Phillip.
"He's going for a journey later," replied Alf, a home-rolled dangling from his mouth. "He's got to take care of a young lady."
Surprise! This was not the queen's consort, Prince Phillip of England, we have here (as you must have suspected!) but a two-ton, black and white lump of bovine belligerence, Prince Phillip, the star stud of Lady Anderson's prize Friesian(see below) herd of dairy cattle located in her vast estate near East Grinstead, England.
And this 15-year-old ne'er-do-well and drop-out was attending the BBBF (British Boys for British Farms) agricultural "college," which turned out to be a front for cheap labour on British farms throughout the UK. (First started by the YMCA in 1932 to help unemployed young Britons, the BBBF had lost its way by the 1950's).
This was my first day and assigned to the dairy farm I had routinely been scammed by the cowhands into getting a bucket of warm water ("Test it with tha elbow, son") adding some liquid soap and sitting on a milking stool under this huge animal thinking my last days on Earth were probably nigh..
Evidently all new students received the same baptism of fire.
Luckily, Phillip had been through this many times and learned to enjoy it. His benign gaze on his terrified valet contained not a little sexual pleasure and his moo sounded like the groan of a satisfied lover.
In fact, Phillip and this trembling novitiate would form a friendship this day that would see me coming over and into his stall regularly, to be greeted by a friendly snuffle each time. No more bucket and bollocks though!
Stud bulls can only reliably service about one cow on heat each week. The rest of the time they spend in luxury with the best of food and conditions allowing them to recharge those huge testicles ready for the next performance.
Phillip's reproductive sperm bags were about the size off eggplants - large, pink ones.
I soon caught on I was the victim of a popular hoax when I caught sight of several other cowhands laughing. With a red face I chucked the sponge into the bucket and slowly backed away from the Prince who had resumed scarfing down food in his byre.
"He'll be as hot as a stag now," grinned Alf..."F--k you lot" I smiled, not giving them too much satisfaction at my discomfort.
My 6-week-long course at Wylderwicke House, the Victorian manse the government had provided for the alumni, came to an end. I learned little about farming, but was a dab hand at washing huge sets of bovine bollocks, not a skill in great demand unfortunately.l
I went on to work on farms for two years until - finally - I swallowed what little pride I had left and joined the Royal Navy as a Junior Seaman, later to become a radar specialist.
Never did say goodbye to Prince Phillip; may he have had many more splendid years as the top stud, and many more occasions of having his chilly appendages warmed by pairs of shaking human hands and hot water on a brisk January morning . "Mooooo-ohhh!"

Friesians are now generally known as Holstein-Friesians. The cattle were once two distinct breeds are are still known as Holsteins in the USA, while Friesian is more commonly used in the UK and Europe (we are now seperating!).