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Prose - A Fist Shaken At The Heavens

Updated on May 6, 2011

You know me
And I'm talking to you
There is no reason to pretend
What I say is what I think
There is no difference
It is honesty's blend
Yes
I'm angry
And you know why
Because a child
May lose its mother
And I hear that baby's cry
I relinquish
My right
To live in comfortable bliss
When everyone it seems
Is fighting for their life
And awaiting Peter's kiss
We live in a world
Where bombs explode
To glorify God
And a princess
Is crowned
To create heaven from sod
And for what?
Existence?
God's so-called gift
Bestowed upon us
While through time
And experience we sift
Set in motion
As we wait
And wait
Then
The battle begins
As we curse our fate
We live
In denial
Of our mortality
And of life’s betrayal
Of ourselves
And our personal reality
And of those
Whom we love
And even those
Who we do not know
So I feel nothing
Even though I wear no clothes
In my time
I am becoming
Smaller
My helplessness
Is growing
Larger
I question
More and more
What answers exist?
None can be found
Only demands to ignore
And temptation to resist
Is the afterlife
All that we have?
Or is it the waiting?
Is it a test?
Or is it
Destiny's mating?
Pronounced
As we are laid to rest
But what do we bring
Dead memories
Or a living soul?
It is a song no one can sing
Contentment
Fleeting safe harbor
With change ready for sea
As you look in earnest
For the moment time stole
And who you used to be
Pain
And unhappiness
Sent from the grand brooder
Coming
To sweep away delusion
And re-establish order
The order of reality
The past
A complete story
Mined
For assurance
The days of your glory
In this we revel
Because it is unchanging
Compared to tomorrow
Terrifying and omnipotent
Life rearranging
A mystery of sorrow
How will I depart
This sad place?
In pain?
Or in my sleep?

Will it be in disgrace?
A victim of being vain
Why should I accept
This fate?
Am I so arrogant
To demand
Answers
And be so expectant?
When they were asked
By so many
For a thousand years
You push and pull
Confusing my senses
Reducing me to tears
I open my gifts
And turn to you
In thankful pose
Yet then I see
How my friend lives
Gripped in death's throes
As you
And you alone
Decide her coming fate
Should I be quiet
And let her cope?
While I await
The guillotine
Without question
Must I be silent
As a beautiful friend
Slowly dies
In a way so violent?
While she lives
As never before
I ask why we not worthy
To live
A mere lifetime
Knowing our fate's story?
Why must it be cut short?
Why must we be consumed
With fear
And live in pain?
Losing a lover
Removed as I draw near
Taken from my life
Or of my friends
By her own hand
Or yours
Plunged into the depths
Where dissent is banned
Where forgetfulness
Covers my body
With your ubiquitous power
My choice
To suffocate
Or rise to the surface for life to devour
LIfe
Nothing
But hope
Which I cannot understand
Why?
It seems I cannot cope
We are not worthy
We must prove ourselves
Daily
To our maker
Whose bread
We must consume gratefully
However hard
However stale
However moldy
I will not go quietly
Yes
I question God boldly
Are you there?
I defy you now
How can you be so cruel
When you bring suffering
With a mere wisp
For the fool
Of absolution
And a faithful hope
For streets of gold
In a paradise
Longed over
By mankind as it was foretold
And yet
There are no raised dead
Among us all
To tell us
What is in store
Only a book about mankind's fall
Written in another language
From long ago
Yes we cope
Some believe
Others reject
But we meet the challenge with hope
Mankind lives on
Through all manner of plagues
From above
And from within
But we ask
Where is your love?
And who are you?
A myth?
A jealous lover?
How strong can you be
When you bring such random
Acquittal to our brother?
Pardoning our sins
Causing us pain
And suffering
Yes
Anger is in me
As you are smothering
My body
My soul
My mind
With madness
Over your plan
Which I will never find
Strike me down if you live
So everyone else can know
That you are real
Stop asking us to believe
In things that cannot be seen
Our rational self you do steal
Stop preying on our need
To face death
With hope for meaning
Come to me now
Save her life
Spare her children who are kneeling
Spare them
From ghosts in the night
Spare her friend
Of questions
Of shrugging Nihilism
And risking an untimely end
Of living for today
Because tomorrow
Offers nothing
But pain and death
I am not happy
I want to believe in something
I cannot offer hope
To my fellow man
Because I say
You have abandoned us
God
Do you hear while in pergatory I lay?
You ask me to hear you
But do you hear me?
Are you there?
Is this another loud plea
That will be met by a storm?
Or is it a mere whisper
That will be met
With silence?
It is your choice
Because we have none
But to live and die
With dignity without a voice
And grace
And yet
We live and perish
With greed
And lust
Because of lives so nightmarish
So we turn to sin
The sin you tempt us with
The sin you created
Holy sin
Too powerful
For the sheep whom you've vacated
What we cannot ignore
We do experience
Not in memory of Jesus
But because
We are alone
He is not among us
But tell me
Are you?
Because it seems
You need my belief
To keep you alive
Even with all your extremes
So who is alone?
Who is powerful?
Who can you see?
Who is real?
Is it you?
Or is it me?


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    • profile image

      Joanie 5 years ago

      I've found there is something worse than death. It's people that take away your life inch by inch and you can't stop it. I will never understand how this happens and I've certainly learned that God doesn't fix things like this as long as we are alive - maybe later.

    • The Suburban Poet profile image
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      The Suburban Poet 6 years ago from Austin, Texas

      @lambservant - Sorry I took so long to respond. I appreciate your kind words. Too long? Well I guess I was on a roll and I wrote this in an emotional state as my friends wife is dying. I was waiting to be struck by a bolt of lightening but maybe my punishment is later. I hope whoever is up there understands....

    • lambservant profile image

      Lori Colbo 6 years ago from Pacific Northwest

      You have a way with words. I love this phrase: "I relinquish

      My right

      To live in comfortable bliss When everyone it seems

      Is fighting for their life

      And awaiting Peter's kiss"

      This poem was a little to long. But again, it was written beautifully. I shook my fist at God once. I was in an angry dark place, but We are now friends again and He is my rock.

    • The Suburban Poet profile image
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      The Suburban Poet 6 years ago from Austin, Texas

      @Two Poles - I'm all about questions... the answers are elusive and in the case of metaphysics will possibly never be answered. I tend to view things from a disillusioned point of view so I on the flaws of belief. But in this case it's just a lot of words substituting for one: "WHY?" Thank you for commenting....

    • Two Poles profile image

      Two Poles 6 years ago from Morgantown, West Virginia

      Those who question...have more answers than the rest. I relate to this piece and will raise my fist with you!

    • The Suburban Poet profile image
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      The Suburban Poet 6 years ago from Austin, Texas

      @pmccray - thank you for commenting. You have a very healthy attitude... guess I let my emotions get the best of me but there they are... I'm not mad today... just hopeful.

    • pmccray profile image

      pmccray 6 years ago from Utah

      Yes I feel and have felt your pain through the loss of close loved ones. I shall never be angry with God. A man once told me that sometimes those flowers that have fully bloomed here on earth, must be picked to adorn and pave the way to the Lords heavenly garden. I keep this in my heart and freshen it with the memories of those who have gone before me. Beautifully written prose.

    • The Suburban Poet profile image
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      The Suburban Poet 6 years ago from Austin, Texas

      Yes he got mad... but God gave him a hall pass!

    • Berga profile image

      Berga 6 years ago from SKIEN

      Jesus got mad, very mad too.. it's humanly... true living..living true..you're great!

    • The Suburban Poet profile image
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      The Suburban Poet 6 years ago from Austin, Texas

      @Berga - interestingly I showed this poem to our company President yesterday. She is new and expressed interest in my work because everybody kept telling her I was a poet. So I sent a simple one which she liked and she asked for more so I sent this one. I already knew she was a Christian but I held my breath a bit because this is so aggressive.... She came down to my office twenty minutes ago expressing admiration and talking about how raw and powerful it was; she also understood my frustration... we all get mad at times but like I told her "I'm good now..."

    • Berga profile image

      Berga 6 years ago from SKIEN

      very glad to know :)

    • The Suburban Poet profile image
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      The Suburban Poet 6 years ago from Austin, Texas

      @Deborah - thank you again for caring and taking the time to tell me these things. I hope the answers are forthcoming for me and my friends though I would say they are where you are in your message.

    • Berga profile image

      Berga 6 years ago from SKIEN

      I got the inspirational this morning from Joseph Prince: "Feed On Jesus And Live"

      John 6:57

      "As the living Father sent Me, and I live because of the Father, so he who feeds on Me will live because of Me."

      Some time ago, I visited a friend of a church member who had cancer and wanted healing. He was all ears, lapping and soaking up everything I shared with him. Today, he worships with us in our church and is completely healed of cancer.

      I remember being at another man’s home at the invitation of his family members. He too was suffering from cancer. When I entered his home, the man had his television on. I started sharing Christ with him but he was not at all interested in what I was saying. He continued watching the television program. I knew then that his healing was a lost cause because faith for healing comes by hearing God’s Word, not by watching television, reading newspapers or listening to your favorite music.

      Don’t get me wrong. I am not against these things, but they are not going to heal you. When you are sick, what you want is God’s healing flowing in your body. How does that happen?

      One of the primary ways in which it happens is when you read your Bible, soaking up everything on Jesus. Before you know it, His divine health flows into your body, driving out every symptom of pain, sickness and disease. Even your discouragement dissolves effortlessly. You find yourself encouraged, refreshed and your darkness giving way to light. You see, there is no way you can feed on Jesus through reading and hearing His Word, and still remain the same. He said, “The words that I speak to you are spirit, and they are life.” (John 6:63)

      My friend, God wants Jesus to be food for you. We feed on Christ by seeing Him unveiled in the Word, by seeing and meditating on what the Holy Spirit reveals of His beauty and glory, and His finished work at Calvary. That is how we enjoy Jesus. It is like having a good meal. And when you do that, Jesus Himself promises that “he who feeds on Me will live because of Me”!

      I'm studying to be a health coach . I love the concept of primary and secondary food. All other what we can not serve on a plate feeds us too and is of more importance than material food.

      humbly Deborah

    • Berga profile image

      Berga 6 years ago from SKIEN

      i'm so moved -you appreciate the message... underlying exactly " this ambition tends to make us walk right on by what is important in life."... unfortunately it takes time (and sometimes heavy losses ) finally to find out what's most important in life... as a golden tread , i've seen mine, when i look back on my life..but did i always gave priority to the most valuable?.... so... let us allow God to keep our hearts soft and minds open to listen to His promtings, whispers of unconditional Love....

    • The Suburban Poet profile image
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      The Suburban Poet 6 years ago from Austin, Texas

      @Berga - well the good news about what I wrote is that it drew you out of the mist to bring your inspirational message to my life. I posted what you said on Facebook so my friends could read it. I appreciate you taking the time to comment at length as you did. It's interesting the idea of being a doer and a performer because Americans are a very driven society and that is exactly the way so many people act.... and this ambition tends to make us walk right on by what is important in life.

    • Berga profile image

      Berga 6 years ago from SKIEN

      i got the inspirational letter this morning i want to share some as it is in line with what i wrote in the comment over: "So let God be the one who builds your career and watches over your financial investments. Let Him be the one who guards your health, marriage and children. Don’t worry and stay up late as if you are the source of the increase, or the one who has the power to make things happen and save the situation. No, God is the one and He says to you, “My beloved child, throw that care to Me and go to sleep.” And while you are sleeping, He is working on your situation. He, who neither slumbers nor sleeps (Psalm 121:3–4), works the night shift for you as you sleep!

      But because we are such DOERS and PERFORMERS it is hard for us to let go and let God take over. But when we actually do, casting all our cares, anxieties and worries once and for all into His hands, we will see how He cares for us affectionately and watchfully. (1 Peter 5:7) We will see Him taking care of our problems and working things out for good. (Romans 8:28)

      Beloved, trust your Father’s love for you. Cast your cares on Him and have no more sleepless nights!

    • Berga profile image

      Berga 6 years ago from SKIEN

      yeah... Let Him take all the pain. He does care and longs to take off the burden, He is able to do more than we can expect or imagine ... He is not limited in some helping as we people do... Love is stronger than belief..there is no fear in love... the last hindrance is fear.. in such sufferings it's natural to be anxious and fearful, people put trust on science , doctors... they have no the last word, facta is not the same as truth...all natural is limited.. ONLY HE as person, HE who is love does truly helps. faith fails too..only surrendering to LOVE...... Truth is He has suffered all the pain and bored all sicknesses in His body . when man have this experience - sees himself on the cross miracle take place... i pray this will happen to your friends...thank you for reading this

    • The Suburban Poet profile image
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      The Suburban Poet 6 years ago from Austin, Texas

      @Berga - thank you for taking the time to comment and for your prayers and caring. My friends are in strong belief and faith at this time and have assured me they are working through this with God's help. I'm glad to hear of their ability to cope. I on the other hand said what needed to be said in a moment of pain...

    • Berga profile image

      Berga 6 years ago from SKIEN

      no one has had sufferings like Jesus did and He for sure understands everyone who is in pain and suffers.I'm saying this from my own experience... without connection with God i've not survived and stayed sound through trials i've faced and still going through many "tests"....

      I pray for peace and clarity in this situation ..and thank you for your brokenness....

      with love - deborah

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      The Suburban Poet 6 years ago from Austin, Texas

      @always exploring - I did already! It's called... wait for it... bin Laden! Pretty original eh?

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 6 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Maybe he wants you to write poetry about OBL? I hope so!!

    • The Suburban Poet profile image
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      The Suburban Poet 6 years ago from Austin, Texas

      @Ladyfae - I think you have hit on what I believe; to be made in his image is about emotion and not about our bodies. The rage is part of us; he must know our frustrations and our human response... thank you for the kind words.

      @always exploring - thanks for coming back! I encourage repeat visitors! Thank you again for being so understanding of my moodiness. It's tough and yes my questions are like everyone else's. It helped to write about it...

      @Subh - thank you... what about OBL? I'm not sure what you are asking...

    • profile image

      Subh 6 years ago

      Excellent hub. Do you you Fugitive OBL killed?

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 6 years ago from Southern Illinois

      I had to come back and tell you that i think God understands our anger and it must be difficult for him to watch the suffering, esp. when a child is involved. I wish we could understand better..Someday we will see more clearly. I guess i just wanted to say that you're no different than me or anyone else..We are all searching for answers. Your poetry is beautiful and touches all who reads. Thank you.

    • LadyFae profile image

      LadyFae 6 years ago from Under the Stars

      Didn't God create us in his image? God get's pretty pissed off from time to time and rages...and I think this is a fantastic way to deal with life's frustrations...strange actually when you think about it, how out of such sadness such beauty can come forth.

    • The Suburban Poet profile image
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      The Suburban Poet 6 years ago from Austin, Texas

      @dearabbysmom - thank you for commenting and your kind words. I hope you are right... I feel a bit exposed because I guess I have a sense that he really is there.

    • dearabbysmom profile image

      dearabbysmom 6 years ago from Indiana

      Beautifully written poem, what a terrible situation that has led you to write it. I don't have the God answers, but I do believe he desires honest communication and our human anger does not anger him.

    • The Suburban Poet profile image
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      The Suburban Poet 6 years ago from Austin, Texas

      @always - my friend has placed his hand on my shoulder and told me that he and his suffering wife have accepted God's plan.... thank you for your comment and I'm just one person who needs to sort it all out...

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 6 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Your poetry questions God...Do you know that every person who believes in God questions him..I know i do..We see the evil around us and many instigating the evil are seemingly happy and never suffer. It is my belief that God gives us free will to either do good or not..I also believe that God sends no hardship on anyone..That is done by Man and our lust for wealth..We polute the air.. We destroy the land..We make wars. Your poetry is thought provoking and really brilliantly written. Thank you for sharing.

    • The Suburban Poet profile image
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      The Suburban Poet 6 years ago from Austin, Texas

      @Real - yes it's good to vent; It would appear the road to mery is very difficult....

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      It is good to get rid of anger too - I thought "God" was supposed to be a merciful God:)

    • The Suburban Poet profile image
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      The Suburban Poet 6 years ago from Austin, Texas

      @REalHousewife - I guess when a so-called poet becomes angry he will slap anyone in the face... even God. I hope I don't regret this but it is how I feel even though I will forgive God just as he taught...

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Poet - real - and awesome.

    • The Suburban Poet profile image
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      The Suburban Poet 6 years ago from Austin, Texas

      @attemptedhumour - thank you. I'm just asking the usual question, "Why?" Is the answer just the usual? Life is a test? I think we get tested everyday just dodging tornadoes and sunamis'. Do we need more than that?

      @mckbirdbks - thank you and yes the rage is real but I'm already getting used to this news. I hate that I become accepting and numb but I guess that is how we cope.

      @Micky Dee - thank you man and if you've not done so already I think you should take what you wrote here and make a hub out of it... we need your voice because sometimes quiet desperation is not enough to deal with the nightmares that strike at dawn...

      @kirutaye - thank you. It's all too real you know and I feel the circle closing in on me at times...

    • The Suburban Poet profile image
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      The Suburban Poet 6 years ago from Austin, Texas

      Before I respond to each of you let me tell you the background a bit... my college roommates wife has Stage IV Melanoma... ok... pretty bad... now these people recently adopted a young boy from Russia. So you know... they are stepping up and doing God's work in a sense. Doing things while I find myself unable to rise to the occasion so many times... and then this happens. So, you know.. I'm pissed and I'm yelling and I am unable to see the holiness in any of this because I am so stupid as a human being. And now I shake my fist and say "take me God!" I guess I don't even have to say that because he will anyway....

    • kirutaye profile image

      kirutaye 6 years ago from London, UK

      Wow...What rage and despair. Well written.

    • Micky Dee profile image

      Micky Dee 6 years ago

      I too shake! I shake my head. I shake my fist! I shout at God! Why has mother died in this way? I shake my head. I weep. I cry and shout to the heavens. For nobody has loved God more than my mother.

      Everything is taken from me.I shake my head.

      My daughter is taken from my constant presence. I shake my head. I shake my fist. I shake my soul.

      So nothing is left. There's only a path. The path is noisy and bustling. It's also quiet and so lonely.

      I shake my head.

      My ability to speak is taken.

      And I don't know what to do.

      Thank you brother man.

      I shake with you.

    • mckbirdbks profile image

      mckbirdbks 6 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      If your intent was pain, anxiety, and rage, then you succeed. If the rage from within is real, then find strength and courage to see you through.

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      attemptedhumour 6 years ago from Australia

      A compicated question with a simple answer. If he/she has got that much power, why not use it in a useful manner? Great words SP, i love your strength of purpose.