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Quotations for Laughs #21 --- Cows

Updated on March 8, 2011

Cow Jokes

If cows are so contented, why do they keep chewing things over?

—Bill Copeland, Sarasota Journal, Sarasota, Fla., Aug. 24, 1966.

What do you call a farm that has acting cows? Dromedary.

—Jim Ashworth, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, July 29, 1965.

It makes no difference how smart you are; the old cow won't back up to you, while you are sitting in the shade, to be milked.

—Cotton Simms, Panhandle Herald, Panhandle, Texas, Oct. 5, 1928.

Cows are sacred in India. In America we shoot the bull.

—Carey Williams, Beaumont Enterprise, Beaumont, Texas, Nov. 19, 1964.

Equinox: An animal that’s half horse and half cow.

The Daily Texan, Austin, Texas, Feb. 13, 1925.

A man ran his automobile into a cow. "Was it a Jersey cow?" asked his insurance agent. "How should I know?" retorted the man. "I didn't see his license!"

This Week, New York, N.Y., June 14, 1953.

Mooz–the sound of a snoring cow.

—J. Baxter Wingate, Chicago Tribune, Chicago, Ill., Nov. 18, 1979.

If a convert is baptized in a pond located in a pasture, could that sinner be said to have been pasteurized?

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Feb. 14, 1966.

Holstein: Two half steins.

Tampa Sunday Tribune, Tampa, Fla., May 3, 1942.

Moola: The sound a French cow makes.

—Erin Skinner, Chicago Tribune, Chicago, Ill., Jan. 21, 1979.

Don't blame the dairy if there's water in your milk. You can't expect the cows to carry umbrellas.

—John P. Medbury, New Orleans States, New Orleans, La., April 22, 1930.

And when a man says "the milk of human kindness has run out," ask him if he has fed the cow.

Beaver City Press, Beaver, Utah, Sept. 30, 1921.

If you cross a horse with a donkey, you get a mule. If you cross a mule with a cow, you get milk with a kick in it.

Air Force Times, Washington, D.C., Nov. 20, 1968.

The cow that jumped over the moon caused the milky way.

Florida Times-Union, Jacksonville, Fla., Nov. 4, 1924.

The cow that went over the moon continues to hold the high jump record.

—Al Warden, Ogden Standard-Examiner, Ogden, Utah, Feb. 25, 1923.

Branding iron: A moo tattoo scorcheroo.

—J. Baxter Newgate, Chicago Tribune, Chicago, Ill., May 25, 1980.

A hick town is a place where you know whose cow it is grazing in your front yard.

—Jack Haney, The Times-Picayune, New Orleans, La., April 28, 1927.

What is cowhide chiefly used for? To hold the cow together.

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, May 31, 1957.

Efficiency expert: The cattleman who got his cows drunk so that they'd give corned beef.

—John P. Medbury, New Orleans States, New Orleans, La., June 19, 1930.

The cow was the original home brewer.

Dallas Morning News, Dallas, Texas, May 14, 1929.

What's the shortest way to describe a cow followed by two ducks? Milk and quackers.

This Week, New York, N.Y., June 14, 1953.

A cowhide--the barn.

Puck, New York, N.Y., July 3, 1889.

No use to cry over spilt milk; trade the old cow for one that doesn't kick.

Clarksville Leaf-Chronicle, Clarksville, Tenn., Dec. 14, 1927.

If mistakes were haystacks, everyone would keep a cow.

Michigan Farmer, Detroit, Mich., Dec. 13, 1890.

Young calf: New moo.

—Rowan Murphy, This Week, New York, N.Y., Aug. 27, 1961.

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