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Quotations for Laughs #38 --- Executives

Updated on March 8, 2011

Definitions of Executives

An executive is a hard-billing, quick-thinking, alert, intelligent, born leader of men–who also had the foresight to marry the daughter of the boss.

—Dan Valentine, Salt Lake Telegram, Salt Lake City, Utah, Sept. 20, 1950.

An executive is a man who wears out several suits to one pair of shoes.

—Wesley S. Izzard, Amarillo Daily News, Amarillo, Texas, Sept. 24, 1952.

Executive: One who takes credit for his group's successes, and fixes blame for its failures.

—Tom Ethridge, The Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., Sept. 18, 1972.

Executive: A guy who is always annoying the hired help by asking them to do something.

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, March 12, 1963.

Executive: A man who is never too busy to speak about how busy he is.

—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, April 16, 1957.

An executive is a man who makes a quick decision to let somebody else do the work.

—Wesley S. Izzard, Amarillo Daily News, Amarillo, Texas, Dec. 9, 1954.

An executive is a man employed to talk to visitors so the employees can get some work done.

—Wesley S. Izzard, Amarillo Daily News, Amarillo, Texas, May 24, 1956.

Executive: A man who can make a decision and stick to it–no matter how wrong he is.

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, May 2, 1961.

A real executive: A guy who gets his secretary to do the crossword puzzles for him.

—Jimmy Dean, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, May 21, 1965.

Executive: A man who can make independent decisions without being fired.

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, May 21, 1961.

Executive–A man employed to talk to visitors so that the other employees will have a chance to work.

—Lorrie Brooks, Dallas Morning News, Dallas, Texas, Aug. 18, 1953.

An executive is a guy who can't take more than three hours for lunch, because it would cut into his cocktail hour.

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, July 7, 1960.

An executive is a man who takes two hours for lunch and is due back at the office any minute from the time he leaves.

—Jack Haney, The Times-Picayune, New Orleans, La., June 22, 1927.

An executive is a fellow who is always annoying the help with his bright ideas.

—Wesley S. Izzard, Amarillo Daily News, Amarillo, Texas, Oct. 10, 1952.

An executive, we're told, is someone who knows how to be decisive in a forceful manner.

Harold Coffin, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Dec. 7, 1962.

Executive: Head chopper-offer.

Tampa Morning Tribune, Tampa, Fla., Nov. 30, 1941.

Modern executive: A man who needs a secretary to take everything down and a wife to pick everything up.

—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, June 13, 1957.

An executive is a guy who walks around with a worried expression on his subordinates' faces.

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Dec. 16, 1966.

An executive is a man who can make independent decisions without being fired.

San Francisco Chronicle, San Francisco, Calif., Dec. 19, 1973.

Executive: A man who travels from his air-conditioned office in an air-conditioned car to his air-conditioned club to take a steam bath.

—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, Dec. 18, 1963.

An executive is a fellow who is able to think a problem over for a few days, before he makes a snap decision.

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Dec. 10, 1961.

A successful executive is one who can delegate all responsibility, shift all blame and appropriate all credit.

—Purser Hewitt, The Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., Jan. 22, 1969.

An executive is a guy who can take as long as he wants to make a snap decision.

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Dec. 9, 1965.

Executive ability is the knack of making a quick decision, then getting someone else to do the work.

—John Garland Pollard, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Oct. 22, 1964.

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