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Quotations for Laughs #47 --- Barber Jokes & Hair Jokes

Updated on March 31, 2011

Barber Jokes & Hair Jokes

Clipping bureau: Barber shop.

—John Sammons, The Daily Texan, Austin, Texas, Jan. 31, 1926.

Barber: A man who is paid to get in your hair.

—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, Jan. 17, 1958.

Barber–Conversationalist who also cuts hair.

—Lorrie Brooks, Dallas Morning News, Dallas, Texas, Oct. 24, 1954.

The barber should be adept in the use of cutting remarks.

—W.A. MacKenzie, The Leesburg Morning Commercial, Leesburg, Fla., Feb. 21, 1928.

We wonder if one of the courses in barber colleges is public speaking.

Morning Advocate, Baton Rouge, La., Aug. 15, 1956.

One of the most promising prospects enrolled in the barber college has been made captain of the shear-leading squad.

—Purser Hewitt, The Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., Nov. 12, 1970.

The problem of the world have become so complex that only barbers and taxi drivers have the answers.

—Jack Rosenbaum, San Francisco Examiner, San Francisco, Calif., Oct. 19, 1975.

If time is money, why can't a man pay his barber with the time he spends waiting for his turn?

Sunday Visitor, Paducah, Ky., Sept. 23, 1900.

Never get your hair cut by a bald-headed barber. He has no respect for your hair.

—Red Holzman, Sports Illustrated, Chicago, Ill., April 21, 1969.

The most entertaining barbershop quartet consists of the child getting his first haircut, his parents, and a barber.

—Harold Coffin, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Nov. 6, 1962.

Barbershop talk is often shear nonsense.

—Purser Hewitt, Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., March 28, 1973.

Economist: A fellow whose record on predictions is better than the barber's–and worse than the weather man's.

—Fletcher Knebel, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, May 25, 1958.

Four-year-old Denny climbed into the barber chair. “Cut it bald and gray like grandpa’s,” he ordered.

—Mrs. Frank C. Burton, Deseret News Magazine, Salt Lake City, Utah, Dec. 12, 1948.

A barber shop is the place for a close shave–not a railroad crossing.

The Commercial Dispatch, Columbus, Miss., Sept. 26, 1927.

Baldness raises the forehead but doesn't lower the price of haircuts.

Chicago Heights Star, Chicago Heights, Ill., Nov. 15, 1957.

You're not really bald until the barber stops asking if you want any off the top.

—D.O. Flynn, Family Weekly, New York, N.Y., Sept. 28, 1969.

Sergeant: “Your hair needs cutting badly.”

Private: “No. It needs cutting nicely. They cut it badly last time.”

Keesler News, quoted in Milwaukee Sentinel, Milwaukee, Wis., Jan. 30, 1949.

Barber: “Do you want anything on your face when I finish shaving you?”

Customer: “Please leave my nose.”

Lone Star Scanner, quoted in Milwaukee Sentinel, Milwaukee, Wis., April 6, 1952.

Two heads aren’t better than one when you consider the price of haircuts these days.

—Howard C. “Buck” Herzog, Milwaukee Sentinel, Milwaukee, Wis., May 7, 1953.

Why couldn’t the world have been built to revolve just a little bit slower, thus providing an extra hour every two weeks in which to get a haircut?

—Bill Vaughan, Milwaukee Journal, Milwaukee, Wis., Jan. 22, 1954.

Hanging on to your hair is easier shed than done.

—Bill Copeland, Sarasota Journal, Sarasota, Fla., Dec. 30, 1966.

Gray hair is not proof of infallible wisdom, but neither is acne.

—Tom Ethridge, The Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., April 10, 1972.

Middle age is when you wish your stomach was thinning out the way your hair is.

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, April 10, 1962.

Nothing makes a woman feel older than meeting a bald headed man who was two grades in back of her in school.

—Slappy White, Parade, New York, N.Y., June 23, 1968.

Many a glamour boy is fat, nearsighted, bald–and not quite nine months old.

—Patricia Duff McGinley, Family Weekly, New York, N.Y., Oct. 1, 1961.

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