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Quotations for Laughs #52 --- Barbers & Hair
Barber Jokes & Hair Jokes (Set No. 3)
Repetition–Doing something over again, like the barber who cuts hair all day and then goes home and mows the lawn.
—Lorrie Brooks, Dallas Morning News, Dallas, Texas, Oct. 10, 1955.
Barber: A man you’ve got to take your hat off to.
—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, Dec. 30, 1963.
Our national problems are getting so complicated that even your barber may have trouble giving you all the answers.
—Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Sept. 14, 1964.
Maybe it would be a good idea if a barber change double for the person who always goes around with a long face.
—Morning Advocate, Baton Rouge, La., Feb. 29, 1956.
Inflation is closing the generation gap. Junior won't get a haircut and Dad can't afford one.
—Robert Orben, San Francisco Examiner, San Francisco, Calif., Aug. 29, 1971.
Shams are not entirely without virtue. A toupee for instance never sheds dandruff.
—Al Warden, Ogden Standard-Examiner, Ogden, Utah, June 24, 1926.
A dude wearing a toupee is using an assumed mane.
—Purser Hewitt, The Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., July 21, 1972.
Why don't you go buy a toupee with a built-in brain?
—Joe E. Lewis, Morning Advocate, Baton Rouge, La., Jan. 13, 1956.
A toupee is ear-to-ear carpeting.
—Houston Post, Houston, Texas, May 22, 1965.
A man is as young as he feels–until he buys a toupee.
—Hamilton G. Park, Salt Lake Tribune, Salt Lake City, Utah, July 24, 1939.
Class reunion: Some old faces and new toupees.
—Jack Rosenbaum, San Francisco Examiner, San Francisco, Calif., Jan. 27, 1974.
Top secret–a toupee.
—Dorothy Sarnoff, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, July 10, 1951.
Nature is strange. You can become bald at 25 but you have to shave every day of your life.
—Tom Ethridge, The Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., May 26, 1972.
A man's bald head is a shining example of middle age.
—Tony Bennett, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, May 4, 1954.
Anyhow, the bald man hasn't much overhead expense.
—Dallas Morning News, Dallas, Texas, Sept. 8, 1919.
My husband proudly drove our new convertible with its top down, into the driveway. Our four-year-old daughter ran out to greet him and exclaimed in delight, "Daddy, our new car is bald-headed!"
—Mrs. Mark White, Family Weekly, New York, N.Y., Sept. 14, 1975.
Next to money, the hardest thing to keep is hair.
—Bert Moses, Lake Charles American-Press, Lake Charles, La., March 10, 1927.
It's sad but true–money and hair seem important only when you no longer have any.
—Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Dec. 8, 1960.
There may be certain advantages for the man who dyes his hair. On the other hand, it may be only those silvery threads that give him a reputation for intelligence around the office.
—Bill Vaughan, St. Louis Post-Dispatch, St. Louis, Mo., Dec. 16, 1966.
Bald head: A man who got caught in a hair raid.
—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, March 15, 1964.
Irony: The comb that experience hands us after we’ve lost our hair.
—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, Sept. 19, 1956.
In youth, growth works on the hair; in old age, on the waist line.
—Bert Moses, Lake Charles American-Press, Lake Charles, La., Jan. 11, 1928.
You know you're getting old when you can comb your hair with a washcloth.
—Anne Vivian, Chicago Tribune, Chicago, Ill., Jan. 20, 1980.
She was only a barber’s daughter, but she knew how to get in your hair.
—Bill Copeland, Sarasota Journal, Sarasota, Fla., Nov. 26, 1965.
A man could get a lot more done if it didn’t take so long to cover a bald spot.
—Bill Copeland, Sarasota Journal, Sarasota, Fla., Nov. 7, 1968.