Quotations for Laughs #69 --- Bowling
It's when you can't hear a pin drop that you know your bowling game's slipping!
—Theodore L. Cannon, Deseret News, Salt Lake City, Utah, Sept. 9, 1961.
There's no place for a split personality in bowling.
—John Mooney, Salt Lake Tribune, Salt Lake City, Utah, March 3, 1956.
Most bowlers have splitting headaches.
—John Mooney, Salt Lake Tribune, Salt Lake City, Utah, June 11, 1955.
A friend rushed up to me at a bowling tournament and said, “I missed a perfect score by 11 strokes.”
—Tom Shannon, Milwaukee Sentinel, Milwaukee, Wis., May 15, 1952.
Bowling establishment sign: “Get Your Boys Off the Streets and Into the Alleys.”
—Ray Sackett, Sarasota Journal, Sarasota, Fla., June 23, 1969.
—J. Baxter Newgate, Chicago Tribune, Chicago, Ill., March 4, 1979.
I gave up bowling because there weren't many alleys that would let me come back. I have an overhead delivery.
—John Wayne, Sports Illustrated, Chicago, Ill., Nov. 6, 1978.
A friend whose wife became an ardent bowler now refers to her as "my spare lady."
—Peter Veale, Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., Feb. 4, 1973.
One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you very seldom lose a bowling ball.
—Don Carter, Sports Illustrated, Chicago, Ill., April 14, 1980.
More women these days are bowling than sewing; in other words, they've deserted the needles for the pins.
—Purser Hewitt, Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., Feb. 21, 1973.
Wonder why a man bowls any more after turning in a perfect score?
—Les Goates, Deseret News, Salt Lake City, Utah, April 10, 1926.
Some people bowl so quietly you can occasionally hear a pin drop.
—Bert Kruse, Look, Des Moines, Iowa, May 31, 1955.
If you can't hear a pin drip, it means one thing–you're a terrible bowler.
—Johnny Martin, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, July 21, 1965.
Sparingly: A good bowler, but not a great bowler.
—Al Batt, Family Weekly, New York, N.Y., Oct. 2, 1977.
Bowler: A man who always has his mind in the gutter.
—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, Oct. 26, 1963.
More and more wives are taking up bowling. That’s where the pin money hubby gives her goes.
—San Antonio Express, San Antonio, Texas, Jan. 22, 1960.
Follow through: What you do when your thumb sticks in the bowling ball.
—George G. Schlegel, Family Weekly, New York, N.Y., March 29, 1959.
I received an unusual gift for Christmas–a used bowling ball with a thumb in it.
—Jackie Vernon, Parade, New York, N.Y., June 3, 1962.
Mac's bowling has helped him develop a strong grip. You should see him hang onto a dollar.
—Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Aug. 12, 1958.
We always hate to hear anyone called an alley cat. It always makes us feel that the game of bowling is being slandered.
—Al Warden, Ogden Standard-Examiner, Ogden, Utah, Sept. 8, 1925.
Another remarkable thing about bowling is that it is possible to open the season without the president throwing out the first ball.
—Al Warden, Ogden Standard-Examiner, Ogden, Utah, Dec. 4, 1924.
You can always claim that a bowling strike is the result of a set-up.
—Al Warden, Ogden Standard-Examiner, Ogden, Utah, Dec. 31, 1922.
A fellow wondered why he didn't do well at bowling as he did at poker. "Because," a friend explained, "you can't shuffle an alley."
—Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Feb. 16, 1965.
I'm better at bowling than at golf. I bowled all afternoon and didn't lose a single ball.
—Taffy Tuttle, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, March 26, 1964.