Rated R – I am an Adult

Ever heard your inner voice going “Thou shall censor each sentence that comes out of thy mouth”? Or ever been in a situation where the mouth speaks and the brain says “mouth, you idiot, you better go in a damage control mode”? And does it also occur to you, wait a minute, you just stated some normal facts, what’s wrong with that? Was it really that hurtful or inappropriate? Or is it because who was in the receiving end? Weren’t these normal adults you were speaking to? Or so you thought! You think, “I wouldn’t react the same way if someone said the same things to me. What’s the big deal?” As it turns out the deal is huge….trust me, it is enormous, it is so enormous that it is worth writing a hub about (smile!)

First as a child, you are taught to be polite, humble and modest. Then you grow up to be a teenager, and you are told over and over again “do not answer back”, now that’s dumb come to think of it, if you don’t want me to answer, don’t ask, right? Wrong! Adults just like playing these lame games that you just can’t win, so you just dismiss it. In your late teens you are asked not to be “argumentative” or “confrontational”. So you opt for “explaining your side”, but now you are told, “don’t be defensive”. You take that as “Alright, I’m just supposed to shut up and be there as stress relief for the adults”. Hmm, if you cannot confront a conflict or defend your position, how the heck are you going to learn to build your case in your most formative years? Law school I guess if you were lucky and went to one, or you’re going to have to learn it as most of us lesser mortals do as in the hard way.

You make it through school, college, college dorms, lectures, and similar forms of typical stuff that you consider harassment as an young adult, either sucking in all the bullying or dishing it out on the newbies. You somehow learn to deal with your kind and eventually land a job where you begin learning the ropes one failure at a time. You learn valuable lessons in “articulating your position”, “standing your ground” or “pitching your idea” (no matter how useless it is). Essentially, you get used to the idea to speaking your mind but in a smart way. You begin to enjoy it and loose the fear of being judged, fear of being taken negatively, fear of losing your friends, fear of being in someone’s bad books, fear of fear. You say hey this is pretty neat, I can handle it, bring it on.

You become bolder, start practicing your newly acquired skills on friends, family, neighbors, the receptionist at your doctor’s office, the cashier at the grocery store, the lady at the dry cleaners, your fitness instructor, even your psychiatrist (either you already have one if you are reading this or will soon need one once you’ve finished ). But what’s this, you notice these people reacting, some give you dirty looks, some just nod away transmitting everything you said out the other ear, plain and simple ignoring you or shed a tear or two (there’s always one or two of those sensitive ones in each family), or worse make you feel guilty with that cold and silent treatment. You think what the heck, these are supposed to be normal adults, just like me, supposed to have gone through the same cycle as me, right? Wrong again!

As it turns out, not everyone has the stomach to digest the facts of life. I mean those facts that are not mean or insensitive or personal. They might be off hand comments, sometimes even said with good intentions. Perhaps some simple words of advice, or harmless bantering or just your honest opinion. You probably go, well if you didn’t want my feedback, why on earth did you ask (Dejavu!)? Ah well, people, humans , personalities, we’re talking about emotions, traits, upbringing, there’s a lot that has molded everyone. The fact that you feel you are normal and yet you have to watch what you say in seemingly uncomplicated situations has a lot about that molding or characteristic. So it’s not what you said or about you at all, it is about who you are talking to and who they are.

If all this sounds familiar, just remember that there’s never the right way or the wrong way to say some stuff, it won’t matter later, one has to face their own demons and you can never please everyone. Phew that’s a lot to remember! Simply put, just enjoy being an adult and practice it in every way possible and have some fun while at it. You could try these for example:

{Disclaimer: The following has been dramatized - try at your own risk}

The over protective parent: My kid can do no wrong, I will poke you in the eye should you even hint at a flaw

You: OK, OK I will just have to wear some protective eye wear then. And what if one of the kids said something bad about the other one? Ah ha –got you didn’t I? You wait, they will grow up to be adults and then you will be as confounded as you make me.

The self absorbed bimbo: I am pretty and hot and that’s what matters. I can outsmart anyone with my sheer looks. Everyone else can just take care of themselves, as long as I get what I need.

You: How astute of you, Ooh was that a strand of your wise grey hair I spotted or did you have a bad highlight job?

The naïve young adult: I suffer because I don’t know how to say “No” and I listen to your advice, and I would really like to follow it but I just don’t have the skills. I need you to help me

You: OK, I will say it one more time – you have to do things for yourself, but then I shall stop and at some point you will have to take some responsibility for yourself. And if you can’t then get used to the sufferings, my condolences!

The narcissistic conceit: It’s all about me, me, me and everyone else who doesn’t like or do the things I do or hasn’t achieved the things I have is a looser.

You: Oh yeah, I really feel crappy about not being able to achieve that beer belly and the bald spot for a status symbol and not liking the originality of WWF, the sport you so love.

The inquisitive Mrs. Next door: How come you don’t have any children yet, haven’t you been married for an eternity?

You: Well actually none of your business, but come to think of it how come you don’t have any real friends yet despite living in this neighborhood for an eternity?

The overzealous health freak: I burn 700 calories with every work out and have managed to eliminate carbs, fats, salt, sugar, you name it all bad things from my diet.

You: Ah, that just leaves the option of air, hmm, is that why you diet on beano/gas-x to handle all the air you been digesting lately? I suspect some of it has gone to your head.

The lazy jerk at your office: Don’t expect me to get any of this work done as I am simply too busy attending those important meetings where I add no value but get an excellent nap out of

You: Don’t expect any raises or pats on the back in your performance reviews because I am simply too busy on my vacation spending my fat incentive that I earned doing honest hard work running those same meetings

The bully in your extended family: I’m used to getting my way, no one but me is entitled to an attitude and I get to complain whenever I want and oh by the way it is never my fault

You: Oh I’m so sorry that your parents dropped you on your head when you were born, does it still hurt? I can recommend you to my psychiatrist, or at least my friends who are reading this hub can.

Just Kidding....But if this made you smile then you’ll agree you are an adult and life is rated R.... am maybe sometimes it's just got to be censored.