Fall In Love Daily
Getting by heart every detail
Of my life is hard to understand
Because I know that it would draw me to tears.
I just keep a thing in the dark
To someone who is close to my heart
Cause I don’t want to let the cat out of the bag.
I want to bare my soul to him
But I’m afraid to lose a friend
And I don’t want to blot him out of my mind.
To throw up the sponge for love
Is something I have to give a wide berth
For it is difficult to get over.
I have to choose between the two:
Putting one’s shoulder to the wheel for friendship
Or giving someone the slip because of love?
It would take time for me to decide
Because I always feel that I have no backbone.
Thus, sometimes I think I am worthless.
I know that somehow I need to take heart
To go through fire and water
Just to save our Friendship.
It is hard to find a true friend
Whom you can trust and lean on
That somehow we need to have sincere conversation.
The feelings that I have in my heart
Is difficult to face, I know that
Because I don’t want to let him go.
Maybe I’m selfish in what I’m doing
But it’s just that I want him to get on
And feel that he deserves where he is right now.
I’ll try to do everything just to deny
That I’m starting to fall in love with him,
With my friend who shows that he cares.
Because of You
Whenever I see you smiling
I just want to be with you
I just want to see your smile
I just want to know how you interpret all things around.
Every time when you look at me
I just want to ask “What is in your mind?”
I’m wondering why you’re like that to me
I don’t understand why.
Every time when you smile at me
I just want to tell what is in my heart
I just don’t know how to tell
Cause secret lies.
If you’ll open my heart
You’ll find nothing else
But a space waiting for you to be in.
I have a feeling.
Feeling that I can’t express
Something that I myself don’t know
Cause I am foolish girl
Denying that I didn’t love you
Even for the first time we’ve met
But the truth is “I love you”
And I really fall in love.
To you I dare to tell
But emotions stopped me
And hatred comes in
To tell you sorry.
Sorry for the wrong feelings
I have in my heart
It’s just an imagination
And a wonderful dream.
Dreaming that you’re there for me
Hoping that you’ll like me
Not knowing that you’re gone
In my life.
Life must go on
Even though you’re out
Out in the sense that you left me alone
With too much brokenness.
Too much brokenness I’ve felt
Too much pain I’ve received
With just a click,
Now, I can’t open my eyes
I’m afraid to love you once more
And I’m in the dark
It’s all because of you.
I don’t know what to do
I don’t know what to say
I can’t understand what I feel
Still, I will wait.
Chemistry of Love
A feeling of love
Starts with a size of
That is so minute
To see and feel
The feeling that’s so small
Like an atom’s size
Was made possible
To reach the molecules’ size.
They continue to search
The hidden feeling
In the book of science and technology
Where they seek no answer.
People learn how to love
And tries to find
The element of it
To satiate their selves.
They were not satisfied
For they find no answers
Due to lack of concentration
And the so-called elasticity
And things were developed
When two persons knew
The concept of Chemistry
Love was then compared
To a magnet in chemistry
Where it holds together
Both positive and negative charges.
Love is like a magnet
Something that holds an emotion
Of two persons
To conduct an electricity.
Electricity made by an attraction
Of two or more atoms
To one another
To form this love.
A person that’s too much in love
May gain happy memories
But loss weight
Because of pain.
Once in pain,
Everything seems to evaporate
And pass like a process
We usually call effervescence.
For one person to be strong
And pass this test,
He or she must study
The property of malleability.
Sometimes, people hurt
Because of the force
We named as Van de Warls Force
That easily brittle.
The brittleness of heart
May cause high temperature
That you have to use
Your own clinical thermometer.
This could also lead
To high blood pressure
That could triggers you
Of having heart failure.
Sometimes in your life,
You attempt to use chemicals
To make a potion
For someone you love most.
Persons with all atrophy
Will make their way
To move forward.
A symbol from above
Could mean something
A tyndall effect
May be a sign of true love.
Love is like a matter
That undergoes changes
From solid to liquid,
Liquid to gas and so on.
Love could acquire
Both physical and chemical changes
At the end, it has the product
We call as compatibility.
Questions of Love
Be careful for a friend who is always there for you… to catch you when you fall… Be careful to what he/she says. Be kin to his/her actions. Don’t put so much attention and meaning to the actions he/she performed… for sometimes things try to deceive you. Oftentimes, the principle of magnetism is just watching over you, the principle so-called “magnetism of love”, the principle we say, “Same poles repels” and “opposite attracts”. When the principle “opposite attracts” will come over you, you can’t force yourself to be separated because one pole is so much attracted to another. Once it happen, you can’t fool and deny to yourself rather you just need to go with the flow… not with the flow of water but the flow of blood flowing to all arteries and veins just to reach its destination-the heart. What does it mean to say “opposite attracts”? Actually, it means falling for someone of the opposite sex having different personality. In modern times we can interpret as this: HE falls for SHE or SHE falls for HE. Traditionally, HE falls and HE courts. But what if SHE falls and bare soul to HIM? Is it worthy that SHE’S actions were unethical? Does SHE deserve bad comments and criticisms from other people? If not, why do others tend to pull you down when you try to express feelings? What if SHE tried to speak her inner most feelings because SHE just want to abate the pain? Afterwards, SHE became happy temporarily because telling the truth helps her recover. Why is it after a while SHE became unhappy on the things SHE did? Why is it instead of minimizing the pain, it continue to aggravate? People pull her down. Her feeling of love suddenly turns out to crave. Craving for love… By this time, not just love from HIM but also love from her friends for they let her feel that she is in the point of depression. SHE keeps missing HIM, HER best friend. She was blaming herself because it was a stupid mistake for HER. SHE allowed herself to fall in love for HIM. Yet, HE is still the same person SHE used to know. The person who is so nice… so friendly… and so good…What was changed anyway? It was the friendship once HE offered because SHE realized that it was a big mistake to give someone the slip because of love. The question is: Why does HE allow things to be not arranged when HE saws that SHE can’t do this herself? Yes, she was the one who committed the “crime of love” as other may call it. Why does HE react every time people link them? He doesn’t know that the moment HE reacts with a smile, SHE was hurting deep inside because SHE knows that HE is just trying to go with the flow of people’s laughter. SHE just put it into her heart because SHE expects love in return from HIM. SHE knows that it won’t happen that’s why SHE’s hurting deep inside. SHE only wants the truth from HIM.
Is it Love or Pity?
I’ve tried to forget you
Yes, I did
I was able to remove you out of my mind.
Things were changed the way it used to be
From the time you hurt me.
I’ve tried to cope with several things.
It was hard I admit but I did
I was able to realize things
Which “broken heart” taught me
And that is to be strong enough to face things
Cause love moves mysteriously.
I saw you approaching me
Carrying those memories of you and me
I didn’t know what I’ve felt
It’s an intense feeling in my heart
That I can’t explain.
Despite the fact I forget you,
I don’t know what to do.
The magnets of love is trying
To pull me back to you
I just said to myself,
“Am I fool to love you again?”
“Despite all the pains and scars you’ve left?”
The memories were fresh
Yet I still really want to be with you
“Am I still falling in love with you?
Or is this just pity because someone also broke your heart?”
I have no idea and I can’t understand
Because only heaven knows
At first I have a phobia
A phobia to strangers
It was called xenophobia
Until such time a stranger came
A core of psychiatric nursing was used by the stranger
A human to human relationship wherein rapport was established
From that time I never thought one emotion is starting
To bloom and that is love
At one point in time I heard my ID says “Go and tell
To the stranger that you love him but
My SUPEREGO replied “Never ever do those”
I know that my EGO will come in and decide
But it didn’t happen
Still, I’m confused.
So, defence mechanism was used such as denial,
Intellectualization and reaction formation
My subconscious mind showed the evidence through
The slip of the tongue
Wherein the name of the stranger always comes out of my mouth
It really spells out his name *********
A name with nine letters it spells out
And in my unconscious mind, I saw the stranger in my dream
A _______ person with _______ lips, ______ posture with
_______movement and with _______attitude
After that I dream, I manifested all the signs and symptoms
Of a psychotic person without my knowledge
Illusion, that I saw him instead of mannequin
Hallucination, that he’s beside me wherein reality,
No one is around.
Neologism, that I always mention a phrase “I LOVE YOU”
And a word of my own dictionary, the name of the stranger
Looseness of Association, that I answer a question using
The stranger’s name wherein it’s not the answer
Confabulation, that there’s always a filling in my mind
Ambivalence, that I showed anger to forget the stranger
But deep inside love starts to bloom
Waxy flexibility, which I’m in one position for the whole day
Then, my world stops when a group of nurses and doctors came in to get me
I was brought to the psychiatric ward for my treatment
Now, instead of having xenophobia I had psychotic depression,
Loosing emotional and mental capacity because of love
I am a Witness of Love
I was an infant when I first felt the love through y parents who nurses me.
They give everything I want without hesitation.
When I cry to express my displeasure, they try to comfort and know my needs.
They ask if I’m hungry, wet with my urine or with tool or am I just acting to seek attention
As if I can respond to them.
They know if I smile socially at 2 months,
Squeals to show pleasure at 3 months, or coos, babbles, laughs and vocalizes when smiling.
They also know if I am just demanding for attention or enjoying interaction with people at 4 months.
My father wants me and secure safety when he keeps the rails of the crib up.
My mother positions me in supine when I am about to sleep and never leaves me on bed alone.
They prepare a cloth to wipe my saliva when my tooth begins to erupt.
My parents are in panic when I am with fever even if it is just because of teething.
When I was 5 to 7 months, they buy toys for me and inspect it for small removable parts.
They just see to it that I will be happy and safe.
My mother brings me to the health centre when I am scheduled for my immunization.
She also feels the pain when the nurse injects me with the vaccine.
When I am afraid to stranger, my parent will see to it that I won’t cry.
At times, they also shout and spank me because of my aggressiveness in biting them.
I become silent and understand if they say “NO”.
I also cried when scolded. By 7 to 9 months, I can say 4 words including “ma” and “da”
And my parents were happy because of my achievement.
I can also respond to simple commands.
They put gates on doors so that I may not go anywhere especially when I crawl.
When I start to stand alone, it is another achievement for me where my parents recognize it.
I do want to play pick-a-boo and get jealous when my parent’s attention is not on me.
From jealousy, I start to get angry and afraid on uncertain things that might happen.
I feel the fear because I don’t want to lose my parents, their attention and their love for me.
As I grew, I learned that everything is not because of fear but because of love.
I don’t want to lose my parents during infancy because I love them.
Unless we do not know the see and feel is the reality.
I know what love is because I experienced it.
I am a witness of love.
Are We Meant To Be?
When I first saw you
I felt that my heart beats faster
As if I am a teenager
Falling in love once more
It was with you
When I really felt the magic of love
And because of you
I had proved that love at first sight exist
It was the way you stare me
That makes me fall for you
For no reason
You captured my heart
You grab my heart
As if you’re a thief
In the endless thoughts of you
I always feel your love
You talk to me
As if you really know me
We both share our jokes
And even laughter and fears
I can’t imagine what I’ve felt
When you ask me if I know
Of someone who is like me
I just thought you like me
I didn’t expect
That my thoughts will become true
Because I always got frustrated
Every time I expect love in return
As I went home,
I’m bringing with me
All the memories of you
And all the things we’ve done
Once more, I felt that feeling
That I used to feel when I’m in love
I was singing songs of love
While cooking dishes for dinner
Late in the evening,
You called me
The more I fall for you
When I heard your voice.
I never thought
That you’ll also admire me
The way I do for you
But then, you did.
Even though we just separate
For a few hours
I already felt the loneliness
Because I am starting to miss you.
We talked about our feelings
And we didn’t wait for a long time
To express our real insights
That we are falling for each other.
Yes, we finally had our relation
Everything happen without expectation
For no reason, we just felt the love
And maybe it’s meant to be.
Now I am missing every moment we had
The time when your hand fits mine
The way you stare me
Makes me smile.
I dream that you’ll be mine
As you also dream that I’ll be yours
We wanted that you and I will be forever
But, are we really meant for each other?
I am like a book in a shelf
Always unnoticed along with dust
Talking alone with myself
Is my only way to wear a mask.
To be hidden in one small space
In the most miserable place
Because no one would dare to touch
Even though how much I want to keep in touch.
I always got insane
Cause I really can’t gain
The reader’s attention
As well as their passion.
At times, I really want to give up
And be thrown in a quenchable fire
Or hung myself in a wire
But someone still lifts me up.
Now, I’m starting to adapt
The situation I am facing
Where I find myself crying
Thinking deeply the felt gap.
The unnoticed space
Became my memorable place
Where I always stay
To have my play.
I wonder why I can’t get the fame
Which other books do
Even though they lack substances
Is my favorite past time.
Can my appearance
Speaks my substance?
Do they know that true beauty is inside
And would only radiates outside?
Unexpectedly, a man came
He grabs me and brings me home
He laid me in his palm
Without him knowing his aim
Confusion of emotion
Is what I felt at first
Yet my heart in motion
Where faster and faster my heart beats
I’ve felt the satisfaction
Shown in his action
As he starts to hold his pen
And write his thoughts with his hand
I’ve been his world
And reads each of my line
He got every detail of my word
And reads me from time to time
Now, the loneliness subside
Cause you’re always by my side
Minute per minute you heals me
And even a second you didn’t leave me
Unexplained happiness I’ve felt
When my prayer was unanswered
And gave me more
From what I ask from him.
You sail a thousand miles
Just to share your smiles
In my depression
You’re always my inspiration
You took my hand
To ease my pain
You’re there during my bad times
And love me a thousand times
You always let me know that you’re in love
To me oh my love
When I need someone to comfort me
You always came for me
Hugs and kisses you return
In times of moment when I burn
Aches I caused you every time
Yet you retry it with your time
Despite of my doubt in you
You still stick in your own view
Now, my love tell me
And even curse me
If you think I don’t deserve
The love that you preserve
What must I do?
For you not to go
What must I say
That you may still stay?
I’m afraid that you might live
Cause I know I can’t live
So please stay by my side
So forever I’ll be on your side