Fall In Love Daily

Getting by heart every detail

Of my life is hard to understand

Because I know that it would draw me to tears.

I just keep a thing in the dark

To someone who is close to my heart

Cause I don’t want to let the cat out of the bag.

I want to bare my soul to him

But I’m afraid to lose a friend

And I don’t want to blot him out of my mind.

To throw up the sponge for love

Is something I have to give a wide berth

For it is difficult to get over.

I have to choose between the two:

Putting one’s shoulder to the wheel for friendship

Or giving someone the slip because of love?

It would take time for me to decide

Because I always feel that I have no backbone.

Thus, sometimes I think I am worthless.

I know that somehow I need to take heart

To go through fire and water

Just to save our Friendship.

It is hard to find a true friend

Whom you can trust and lean on

That somehow we need to have sincere conversation.

The feelings that I have in my heart

Is difficult to face, I know that

Because I don’t want to let him go.

Maybe I’m selfish in what I’m doing

But it’s just that I want him to get on

And feel that he deserves where he is right now.

I’ll try to do everything just to deny

That I’m starting to fall in love with him,

With my friend who shows that he cares.

Whenever I see you smiling

I just want to be with you

I just want to see your smile

I just want to know how you interpret all things around.

Every time when you look at me

I just want to ask “What is in your mind?”

I’m wondering why you’re like that to me

I don’t understand why.

Every time when you smile at me

I just want to tell what is in my heart

I just don’t know how to tell

Cause secret lies.

If you’ll open my heart

You’ll find nothing else

But a space waiting for you to be in.

I have a feeling.

Feeling that I can’t express

Something that I myself don’t know

Cause I am foolish girl

Always denying.

Denying that I didn’t love you

Even for the first time we’ve met

But the truth is “I love you”

And I really fall in love.

To you I dare to tell

But emotions stopped me

And hatred comes in

To tell you sorry.

Sorry for the wrong feelings

I have in my heart

It’s just an imagination

And a wonderful dream.

Dreaming that you’re there for me

Hoping that you’ll like me

Not knowing that you’re gone

In my life.

Life must go on

Even though you’re out

Out in the sense that you left me alone

With too much brokenness.

Too much brokenness I’ve felt

Too much pain I’ve received

With just a click,

It happened.

Now, I can’t open my eyes

I’m afraid to love you once more

And I’m in the dark

It’s all because of you.

I don’t know what to do

I don’t know what to say

I can’t understand what I feel

Still, I will wait.

A feeling of love

Starts with a size of

That is so minute

To see and feel

The feeling that’s so small

Like an atom’s size

Was made possible

To reach the molecules’ size.

They continue to search

The hidden feeling

In the book of science and technology

Where they seek no answer.

People learn how to love

And tries to find

The element of it

To satiate their selves.

They were not satisfied

For they find no answers

Due to lack of concentration

And the so-called elasticity

Everything started

And things were developed

When two persons knew

The concept of Chemistry

Love was then compared

To a magnet in chemistry

Where it holds together

Both positive and negative charges.

Love is like a magnet

Something that holds an emotion

Of two persons

To conduct an electricity.

Electricity made by an attraction

Of two or more atoms

To one another

To form this love.

A person that’s too much in love

May gain happy memories

But loss weight

Because of pain.

Once in pain,

Everything seems to evaporate

And pass like a process

We usually call effervescence.

For one person to be strong

And pass this test,

He or she must study

The property of malleability.

Sometimes, people hurt

Because of the force

We named as Van de Warls Force

That easily brittle.

The brittleness of heart

May cause high temperature

That you have to use

Your own clinical thermometer.

This could also lead

To high blood pressure

That could triggers you

Of having heart failure.

Sometimes in your life,

You attempt to use chemicals

To make a potion

For someone you love most.

After all,

Persons with all atrophy

Will make their way

To move forward.

A symbol from above

Could mean something

A tyndall effect

May be a sign of true love.

Love is like a matter

That undergoes changes

From solid to liquid,

Liquid to gas and so on.

Love could acquire

Both physical and chemical changes

At the end, it has the product

We call as compatibility.

Be careful for a friend who is always there for you… to catch you when you fall… Be careful to what he/she says. Be kin to his/her actions. Don’t put so much attention and meaning to the actions he/she performed… for sometimes things try to deceive you. Oftentimes, the principle of magnetism is just watching over you, the principle so-called “magnetism of love”, the principle we say, “Same poles repels” and “opposite attracts”. When the principle “opposite attracts” will come over you, you can’t force yourself to be separated because one pole is so much attracted to another. Once it happen, you can’t fool and deny to yourself rather you just need to go with the flow… not with the flow of water but the flow of blood flowing to all arteries and veins just to reach its destination-the heart. What does it mean to say “opposite attracts”? Actually, it means falling for someone of the opposite sex having different personality. In modern times we can interpret as this: HE falls for SHE or SHE falls for HE. Traditionally, HE falls and HE courts. But what if SHE falls and bare soul to HIM? Is it worthy that SHE’S actions were unethical? Does SHE deserve bad comments and criticisms from other people? If not, why do others tend to pull you down when you try to express feelings? What if SHE tried to speak her inner most feelings because SHE just want to abate the pain? Afterwards, SHE became happy temporarily because telling the truth helps her recover. Why is it after a while SHE became unhappy on the things SHE did? Why is it instead of minimizing the pain, it continue to aggravate? People pull her down. Her feeling of love suddenly turns out to crave. Craving for love… By this time, not just love from HIM but also love from her friends for they let her feel that she is in the point of depression. SHE keeps missing HIM, HER best friend. She was blaming herself because it was a stupid mistake for HER. SHE allowed herself to fall in love for HIM. Yet, HE is still the same person SHE used to know. The person who is so nice… so friendly… and so good…What was changed anyway? It was the friendship once HE offered because SHE realized that it was a big mistake to give someone the slip because of love. The question is: Why does HE allow things to be not arranged when HE saws that SHE can’t do this herself? Yes, she was the one who committed the “crime of love” as other may call it. Why does HE react every time people link them? He doesn’t know that the moment HE reacts with a smile, SHE was hurting deep inside because SHE knows that HE is just trying to go with the flow of people’s laughter. SHE just put it into her heart because SHE expects love in return from HIM. SHE knows that it won’t happen that’s why SHE’s hurting deep inside. SHE only wants the truth from HIM.

I’ve tried to forget you

Yes, I did

I was able to remove you out of my mind.

Things were changed the way it used to be

From the time you hurt me.

I’ve tried to cope with several things.

It was hard I admit but I did

I was able to realize things

Which “broken heart” taught me

And that is to be strong enough to face things

Cause love moves mysteriously.

I saw you approaching me

Carrying those memories of you and me

I didn’t know what I’ve felt

It’s an intense feeling in my heart

That I can’t explain.

Despite the fact I forget you,

I don’t know what to do.

The magnets of love is trying

To pull me back to you

I just said to myself,

“Am I fool to love you again?”

“Despite all the pains and scars you’ve left?”

The memories were fresh

Yet I still really want to be with you

“Am I still falling in love with you?

Or is this just pity because someone also broke your heart?”

I have no idea and I can’t understand

Because only heaven knows

At first I have a phobia

A phobia to strangers

It was called xenophobia

Until such time a stranger came

A core of psychiatric nursing was used by the stranger

A human to human relationship wherein rapport was established

From that time I never thought one emotion is starting

To bloom and that is love

At one point in time I heard my ID says “Go and tell

To the stranger that you love him but

My SUPEREGO replied “Never ever do those”

I know that my EGO will come in and decide

But it didn’t happen

Still, I’m confused.

So, defence mechanism was used such as denial,

Intellectualization and reaction formation

My subconscious mind showed the evidence through

The slip of the tongue

Wherein the name of the stranger always comes out of my mouth

It really spells out his name *********

A name with nine letters it spells out

And in my unconscious mind, I saw the stranger in my dream

A _______ person with _______ lips, ______ posture with

_______movement and with _______attitude

After that I dream, I manifested all the signs and symptoms

Of a psychotic person without my knowledge

Illusion, that I saw him instead of mannequin

Hallucination, that he’s beside me wherein reality,

No one is around.

Neologism, that I always mention a phrase “I LOVE YOU”

And a word of my own dictionary, the name of the stranger

Looseness of Association, that I answer a question using

The stranger’s name wherein it’s not the answer

Confabulation, that there’s always a filling in my mind

Ambivalence, that I showed anger to forget the stranger

But deep inside love starts to bloom

Waxy flexibility, which I’m in one position for the whole day

Without discomfort

Then, my world stops when a group of nurses and doctors came in to get me

I was brought to the psychiatric ward for my treatment

Now, instead of having xenophobia I had psychotic depression,

Loosing emotional and mental capacity because of love

I was an infant when I first felt the love through y parents who nurses me.

They give everything I want without hesitation.

When I cry to express my displeasure, they try to comfort and know my needs.

They ask if I’m hungry, wet with my urine or with tool or am I just acting to seek attention

As if I can respond to them.

They know if I smile socially at 2 months,

Squeals to show pleasure at 3 months, or coos, babbles, laughs and vocalizes when smiling.

They also know if I am just demanding for attention or enjoying interaction with people at 4 months.

My father wants me and secure safety when he keeps the rails of the crib up.

My mother positions me in supine when I am about to sleep and never leaves me on bed alone.

They prepare a cloth to wipe my saliva when my tooth begins to erupt.

My parents are in panic when I am with fever even if it is just because of teething.

When I was 5 to 7 months, they buy toys for me and inspect it for small removable parts.

They just see to it that I will be happy and safe.

My mother brings me to the health centre when I am scheduled for my immunization.

She also feels the pain when the nurse injects me with the vaccine.

When I am afraid to stranger, my parent will see to it that I won’t cry.

At times, they also shout and spank me because of my aggressiveness in biting them.

I become silent and understand if they say “NO”.

I also cried when scolded. By 7 to 9 months, I can say 4 words including “ma” and “da”

And my parents were happy because of my achievement.

I can also respond to simple commands.

They put gates on doors so that I may not go anywhere especially when I crawl.

When I start to stand alone, it is another achievement for me where my parents recognize it.

I do want to play pick-a-boo and get jealous when my parent’s attention is not on me.

From jealousy, I start to get angry and afraid on uncertain things that might happen.

I feel the fear because I don’t want to lose my parents, their attention and their love for me.

As I grew, I learned that everything is not because of fear but because of love.

I don’t want to lose my parents during infancy because I love them.

Unless we do not know the see and feel is the reality.

I know what love is because I experienced it.

I am a witness of love.

When I first saw you

I felt that my heart beats faster

As if I am a teenager

Falling in love once more

It was with you

When I really felt the magic of love

And because of you

I had proved that love at first sight exist

It was the way you stare me

That makes me fall for you

For no reason

You captured my heart

You grab my heart

As if you’re a thief

In the endless thoughts of you

I always feel your love

You talk to me

As if you really know me

We both share our jokes

And even laughter and fears

I can’t imagine what I’ve felt

When you ask me if I know

Of someone who is like me

I just thought you like me

I didn’t expect

That my thoughts will become true

Because I always got frustrated

Every time I expect love in return

As I went home,

I’m bringing with me

All the memories of you

And all the things we’ve done

Once more, I felt that feeling

That I used to feel when I’m in love

I was singing songs of love

While cooking dishes for dinner

Late in the evening,

You called me

The more I fall for you

When I heard your voice.

I never thought

That you’ll also admire me

The way I do for you

But then, you did.

Even though we just separate

For a few hours

I already felt the loneliness

Because I am starting to miss you.

We talked about our feelings

And we didn’t wait for a long time

To express our real insights

That we are falling for each other.

Yes, we finally had our relation

Everything happen without expectation

For no reason, we just felt the love

And maybe it’s meant to be.

Now I am missing every moment we had

The time when your hand fits mine

The way you stare me

Makes me smile.

I dream that you’ll be mine

As you also dream that I’ll be yours

We wanted that you and I will be forever

But, are we really meant for each other?

I am like a book in a shelf

Always unnoticed along with dust

Talking alone with myself

Is my only way to wear a mask.

To be hidden in one small space

In the most miserable place

Because no one would dare to touch

Even though how much I want to keep in touch.

I always got insane

Cause I really can’t gain

The reader’s attention

As well as their passion.

At times, I really want to give up

And be thrown in a quenchable fire

Or hung myself in a wire

But someone still lifts me up.

Now, I’m starting to adapt

The situation I am facing

Where I find myself crying

Thinking deeply the felt gap.

The unnoticed space

Became my memorable place

Where I always stay

To have my play.

I wonder why I can’t get the fame

Which other books do

Even though they lack substances

Is my favorite past time.

Can my appearance

Speaks my substance?

Do they know that true beauty is inside

And would only radiates outside?

Unexpectedly, a man came

He grabs me and brings me home

He laid me in his palm

Without him knowing his aim

Confusion of emotion

Is what I felt at first

Yet my heart in motion

Where faster and faster my heart beats

I’ve felt the satisfaction

Shown in his action

As he starts to hold his pen

And write his thoughts with his hand

I’ve been his world

And reads each of my line

He got every detail of my word

And reads me from time to time

Now, the loneliness subside

Cause you’re always by my side

Minute per minute you heals me

And even a second you didn’t leave me

Unexplained happiness I’ve felt

When my prayer was unanswered

And gave me more

From what I ask from him.

You sail a thousand miles

Just to share your smiles

In my depression

You’re always my inspiration

You took my hand

To ease my pain

You’re there during my bad times

And love me a thousand times

You always let me know that you’re in love

To me oh my love

When I need someone to comfort me

You always came for me

Hugs and kisses you return

In times of moment when I burn

Aches I caused you every time

Yet you retry it with your time

Despite of my doubt in you

You still stick in your own view

Now, my love tell me

And even curse me

If you think I don’t deserve

The love that you preserve

What must I do?

For you not to go

What must I say

That you may still stay?

I’m afraid that you might live

Cause I know I can’t live

So please stay by my side

So forever I’ll be on your side