12 Funny One Liners

Most likely you must have ended up seeing this page because you are bored. Let me not bore you any further but instead provide you with a list of really funny one-liners that are going to make you smile out wide - well, I hope they do! These humorous quotes sure managed to tickle me.

Enjoy!

• After one look at this planet, any visitor from outer space would say "I want to see the manager." W. S. Burroughs
• If age is just a number, can I get mine unlisted?
• Rats are underrated. Just check your dictionary.
• You know you're getting old when caution is the only thing you exercise.
• Men are like coolers. Load them up with beer and you can take them anywhere.
• My kids are growing up. Now instead of asking me where they came from, they refuse to tell me where they're going.
• I like to keep my friends close, and my attractive friends even closer.
• If necessity is the mother of invention, how come so much unnecessary stuff gets invented?
• If I ran the country, things would be a lot better. Well...for me anyway.
• If smoking is so bad for you, how come it cures salmon?
• Two wrongs don't make a right, but I'm determined to find out how many wrongs do.
• I went to a deli where they were serving 24-hour breakfasts. They looked great, but I couldn't spare that much time.