Redneck Tale # 12 - The Wacka-Wacka Snake

Larry Hagerty was my good buddy. About the only thing he did wrong was to tell me so many goofy stories. I don’t know from where he got them, but they really tickled the daylights out of me whenever he repeated them to me.

Here is another of his tales, The Wacka-Wacka Snake. When he told it, it was with the appropriate accents. I can’t do the tale such justice, but it is a good story anyway.

The war in the Burma area was uncomfortable.

There was the enemy, the formidable Japanese military, adept at jungle fighting, ambushing, sniping, and as disciplined and as brave as any soldiers could ever be.

And there was the jungle. Oh my, there was the jungle - and the steep hills to climb.

The General assigned to this  hot and contested theater of combat in the Burma/India war zone was provided a large contingent of feisty soldiers from Australia. They were loyal to the empire. They were tough. They were intelligent.

Gathered around one day after they had first arrived in the theater, they were given a lecture by the adjutant.

He told them of the many dangers and obstacles facing them. The first of those concerned the dangers from their enemy, the resourceful Japanese soldiers.

"Men, you have to keep a sharp eye out for Japanese snipers. They lurk high up in the trees of this dense jungle, clinging to branches far up above. If you do not see them before they see you, they will shoot you and that will be it for you. Do you understand that? The idea is that you must shoot them first. Is that clear?"

"Yessir!," they all shouted.

"Further, men, you have to take your quinine medicine every day. The jungle is infested with malaria-carrying mosquitoes. If a mosquito bites you it will mean deadly malaria to you unless you have ingested your day’s worth of quinine. Is that clear?

The Aussies again responded, "YES."

"Now then, men, the jungle itself poses grave problems. It is inhabited by creatures of nature who can do grave harm to you, even kill you dead if you do not take care as you go about your duties in the jungle to rid it of the enemy."

"Possibly the worst of these dangers is provided by the fearsome Wacka-Wacka snake. He has a length of approximately 6 feet. His coloration is yellow and black in stripes all along his length. He is the fastest moving snake on this entire earth and his bite is 100% fatal. If he sees you first, there is no escape."

One of the "Diggers" (Australian Soldier) hollered out, "Sir, is there no way that we can defeat this Wacka-Wacka snake and save ourselves from a horrible ending?"

"Yes, son, you can do that if you spot the Wacka-Wacka snake before it spots you. Then you must sneak up to it from the rear, put your thumb and forefinger beside its body, slide them up to right behind its head and then pinch it until it is dead. There is no other way."

Several days went by. Here came the Aussie soldier. His clothing was tattered and torn. He was bleeding everywhere. His ears were mostly torn off. He was near death.

The General was called out.

"What happened, my lad? Did the Japanese catch up to you? Was there quite a battle? Tell us what happened."

"Sir, I was reconnoitering through the dense jungle as we were ordered to do, looking all the while up into the trees for enemy snipers. Then, all of a quick, I spotted a Wacka-Wacka snake there on the ground to the far side of a tree, all yellow and black striped. He had not spotted me yet, so I sneaked up behind him and ran my two fingers up alongside of his body toward his head. When I got to the end I pinched like crazy, for I was scared that just a little pinch would not do the job."

"Then, all of a sudden, that bloody Wacka-Wacka snake turned itself into a tiger."