Reflections on a Lost Relationship

I am not a poet. Indeed the few rhyming verses presented here are among the first I have ever written, and personally I am not happy with all. However, these pieces were not composed as a great exercise in creative writing, but as a spontaneous expression of feelings. All were written within just two short weeks of the break up of my relationship.

Perhaps greater quality would result from taking greater time, and maybe in due course I will revise some of these pieces.

But then again, perhaps greater time would have diminished the emotion which allowed me to write these pieces?

The following expressions of emotion were inspired when my girlfriend of five years dropped me the bombshell that she no longer loved me. It was an unusual relationship because she was a citizen and inhabitant of another country. However, after five years as a long distance girlfriend during which time I would travel to see her, she finally visited and stayed in my house for the first time to see if a future together was a realistic possibility. I enjoyed having her here, but after two months she decided to return home.

I feel when she left that it was not just the end of my relationship, but maybe the end of any hope of a relationship for me. Trying to understand what had happened, and wanting to express my feelings, led to these short pieces of prose and verse.

I should make clear, not all that is written should be taken too literally. Certainly it would be unfair for others to judge my girlfriend and burden her with the extremity of the emotions expressed - sentiments felt when at one's very lowest ebb. But all these pieces do relate in some respect to different aspects of my feelings in the aftermath of our time together - the feelings of hurt and loneliness, and of rejection and incomprehension.

She is a nice girl. And I wish her well.

You never love more than the moment they take their love away.

You never regret more than the day it's too late to turn it around.

When they are here, you love with all your heart.

But when they go, you miss them with your heart, body and soul.

When they are here, all your heart is full and warm.

But when they go, the whole wide world becomes empty and cold.

And you cry for all the promise of the future they take away.

And you cry for all the memories they leave behind.

When I was single, my house was a home.

A place where I lived and could do as I pleased.

A place to feel comfortable.

A place to feel secure.

A place of my own.

♥

When she moved in, our house was a home.

A place of warmth to enjoy together.

A place of shared experience.

A place of companionship.

A place of our own.

♥

When she moved out, my house was just a house.

A place of coldness to return to every night.

A silent place to exist in day by day.

A place of memories to forget.

Just a place.

You know when first you said you’d love, there also was another -

a girl who really cried for me, and wished for me to love her?

You know how indecision cost me her, because she couldn't wait for me -

to choose between her passion, and your pledge of lasting loyalty?

You know how I believed you would, one day become my wife -

And how you’d stay and live with me until the end of life?

But now we know that pledge to me was not a guarantee,

your feelings died and lacking love, you could not stay with me.

Now I’ve lost both her and you, and I start to reminisce

about what happened and why it did, and I think I‘ve learned just this.

That when it comes to heart felt love to last for all eternity

I'd always choose impassioned love, ahead of loveless company.

You always told me I 'worry too much'.

You always told me 'there is no problem'.

But still the day came when I found I was right to worry. There was a problem.

♥

You always told me you loved me.

You always told me you always would.

But still the day arrived when you told me you didn't.

♥

You always told me you'd stay forever.

You always told me you'd always be mine.

But still the day dawned when you told me you were leaving me.

Like all lovers do, we looked with loving eyes.

She looked at me through rose tinted glasses.

And I looked at her through rose tinted glasses.

But as the years passed, I guess her glasses broke.

My glasses still work.

I wish my glasses were broken too.

Perhaps it's better to keep the girl of your dreams within your dreams.

To meet her, to court her, is to allow reality to shatter the dream ...

As it will surely do if your dreams are as beautiful as only dreams can be.

Five years spent as partners apart

Oceans away but close in heart

'till the day you came to live with me

To enjoy some close proximity

To visualise your future life

When one day you'd become my wife

You came for six months but stayed just two

Was enjoying me so hard to do?

♥

Five years in the making ...

Two months in the breaking ...

Adieu.

How now will my future be

without your love and company?

My smiles are drowned in floods of tears

and happy days are lost in lonely years.

Will now my future be alone

or shared with someone yet unknown?

One can hope, but hope fades fast.

I think my chance for love has passed.

Where now does my future lie;

just counting years as each goes by?

In a land of memories I'd rather forget,

in a world suffused with deep regret.

What now may my future hold;

just life alone while growing old?

With continued memories but faded hope

I worry will I ever cope?

When now did that future start?

The day you left and broke my heart.

That future began in deep distress

when you left me with a last caress,

when you left me with a kiss goodbye,

when you left me there alone to cry,

and when you left me with a wish to die.

So finally, can I ask the question -

'Why?'

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