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Riposte to Ogden Nash

Updated on November 26, 2010
Santa Stuck in Chimney, by Gardner. From
Santa Stuck in Chimney, by Gardner. From

The Boy Who Laughed at Santa Claus

I like to think of Jabez Dawes
Made jack-in-the-box by Santa Claus.
The story may have sounded fun
To Ogden Nash or anyone
More keen on humour than on truth,
To rue the fate of the adventurous youth.

For how can sentimental sham
Pink as bacon, round as ham,
And fat as an elephant of Hannibal's
[Unpalatable, besides, for cannibals]
Turn into a toy which charming isn't
A boy whose behaviour was not unpleasant?

In Baltimore the story goes
They laugh at Santa Claus's nose,
As at clownish antics in the sawdust
It is Jabez then who laughs the loudest.
And Santa's nose at a game of darts
Is used as a target by men of parts.
Luminous like the woeful Dong's
It's made the butt of ribald songs.

And, furthermore, they choke with glee
At new versions of Santa's nightly spree.
They say through the chimney he portly descended
And on Jabez's fireplace flaming up ended.
[Since Old Bacon is blubber and fat,
It's nothing to be wondered at.]
It's also said that he got stuck
In the chimney to his rotten luck.

Serious folk say he's St. Nicholas;
I'm sorry, folks, this doesn't tickle us.
It's horrid to deceive a tot
With what isn't and what is NOT.
And all that fiddle about 'stockings up'
Reduces parents to paupers, pup.
So if you wish to sob or cry
You may, but do so thankfully.

Jabes Dawes today he dines
On caviare and Spanish wines
[And, of course, a slice of venison]
First having said his grace or benison.
All good children of Baltimore
Are welcome to his table, though
Vested Interests in that Myth
Stay out lisping, 'Thantha ith.'

© Tan Pratonix/Roland N Oliver

(written as a teenage youth, between the ages of 18 and 19)


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    • Docmo profile image

      Mohan Kumar 4 years ago from UK

      Wonderful, truly wonderful. As a fellow Nash admirer I am impressed by this wonderful ditty. ( I wrote a comment 6 months ago when you visited my Nash hub but strangely it seems to have disappeared!) I agree with Twilight Lawns that this does require in many ways, a massive tick in the 'Awesomeness' scale for its brevity, its ingenuity and sheer creativity.

    • Pratonix profile image

      Pratonix 5 years ago from Asia

      Thanks, TL. It's a great encouragement!

    • Twilight Lawns profile image

      Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

      Absolutely wonderful. This is excellent.

      How the hell did work of this quality slip by the Great and the Good without outrageous applause.

      I am afraid I seldom, if ever tick the awesome box, but with this one I have as well as funny.

    • profile image

      ladyt11 7 years ago

      Very nice Pratonix, you do have a way with words! Again very nice.

    • Pratonix profile image

      Pratonix 7 years ago from Asia

      Thank you, Nellie. You're such an encouragement. :)

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 7 years ago from TEXAS

      What a lilting verse!

    • Pratonix profile image

      Pratonix 7 years ago from Asia

      Thank you, Darlene. You are always an encouragement! :)

    • profile image

      Darlene Turpin 7 years ago

      What a joy to read!..I loved it! You sure do have a way with words.."Thantha ith"! Delightful indeed!