Most times I get way ahead of myself . Act like it doesn't matter at all. I trust that it it's meant to be, then it'll just be.
Sometimes I'll feel some changes between us and I'll be like ," they'll come around, maybe they just struggling with stuff they need to deal with alone. Or maybe they just need some time alone. "
Sometimes am just so close and up personal with people, the next moment we all acting like we've never met before. And that stuff scares me, it really does.
Cause most times I end up pouring out my heart to people, sharing secrets and stuff. And soon as they feel like they don't need me no more, I end up broken. To the point that I need some sessions to gather myself.
. Most times it seems like I just ignore stuff . And maybe I do but trust me it's not that I don't care but because I believe we'll sort things out. Like we should. At least that's how it's supposed to be.
I don't really trust much cause I barely trust myself. Have let myself down so many times that I have lost count, have broken so many promises that I made to myself because I thought that they'd be different. Have shunned the good, kept the bad. I even lost myself in the process.
And am tired of the trust games... Am tired of betraying my own trust. Have had enough of trust. Am done laughing with you while you stubbing me in the back. Amen tired of fake clothed in truth.
Am tired of being a disappointment to my own self.
© 2019 Amani Utembu