Scattered images in my mind January 2010
Sunrise, sunset and erotica in Coral Bay
Defining a decade, defining my place in it
The past decade
greeted me with deaths
of my grandparents
and parents
from cancer
But only days
before the decade
ends
a major breakthrough
the genetic revolution
and one of the plagues
it promises to cure
I hope it will be not late
for me
a middle-aged woman
living with a cancer
caused by genetic mistakes
in my body’s DNA
I hope it finally takes
scientists one step
closer
to the medicine’s
holy grail
The past decade
greeted me with bigger waistline
and I realized
that even the greatest medical
advance for the greater good
will not save me
from my own bad habits.
It is time to listen to my body,
eat healthy, eat slowly
slim down
and exercise.
There are endless news
about great actors, artists, politicians..
but what about personal achievements
of scientists, surgeons and doctors
who took a quantum leap
forward
this decade
to save our lives?
The past decade
greeted me with the grasping, cynical
and venal world of busy people
dreaming of big business
rushing to make money
rushing to spend money
desperately running out of time…
and I realized
that even the greatest medical
advance for the greater good
will not save me
from my own bad habits
It is time to listen to my mind,
slow down
and appreciate the rest of the time
I have on this earth
Now.
I do not hurry
any more
I don’t have time
I linger for ages
on a seemingly
unimportant detail
of the oyster shell
which I normally
overlook
in the rush
to satisfy
my sensation-hungry
senses
endlessly
bombarded by
fast pacedcolourful images
in full artificial light
I do not hurry
any more
I don’t have time
I switch off
the light.
The oyster shell
so delicate
to the point of fragility
so profound beauty
full of feminine sensibility
and male’s depths of feeling
just like our relationships
hushed and synched
to the beating
of the human heart.
I blow away
the grains of sand
and concentrate
on the tiniest
most revealing detail
a whisper
of your voice
the lovers
kept apart
snatches of their dialogue
touch through the divide
scattered images
in my mind
Oysters produce pearls
objects of great value
in our money hungry world
Once you have the oyster,
it gives up the pearl
without much of fight.
‘ The world is our oyster,
we live in a place,
where everything is for sale,
great love and friendship
affection and passion
are just words…’
Do you really think
you can get
something of great value
with ease?
I feel the hardness of the oyster shell
on my palm
I just want to live
truthfully, honestly, simply
free of affectation
and pretence
directly in touch
with my surging, battered heart
I leave the oyster shell
behind
unopened
overwhelmed with grief
and drained
but with a clear understanding
of the meaning of the love.
Pearls are not
what I need
I am 45
I am happy to be alive.
I do not hurry
any more
I don’t have time
I switch off
the light.
You enter,
and switch on
the light,
wonderfully amusing and robust
you proudly boast
that you can command
nature itself
a bit of a joke,
the social conventions
of our times
is your priority
we are together
and we are alone
against the respective sides
of the shared wall.
We sit and we listen
to the endless news
about successful businessmen,
who know how to cheat and
make a good fortune
the same happy-ending story
of our modern heroes
and their great potential.
“ But what about personal achievements
of humble people
you meet every day,”
I ask,
“living with loyalty, honesty
and simplicity
and hoping like mad
that they will be rewarded
for their kindness?”
“ You mean Good Samaritans,
just like you?”
You laugh.
“ Sorry my love,
if you know a wealthy man
who,
wants to leave his fortune
to someone worthy of his charity,
just mention my name,
but
I think they died out.
All except you,
my love,
and you don’t have
money to spare.”
You laugh again.
I leave the room,
but I want to say,
I am not a Good Samaritan,
I just want to live
truthfully, honestly, simply
free of affectation
and pretence
directly in touch
with my surging, battered heart
I do not hurry
any more
I don’t have time
Please, switch off
the light.
The past decade
greeted me with pain
I cried myself out
I cried so much
I ran dry
I was left with a pain
that didn’t disappear
for a long time
I could cry
even now
thinking about
the misery
of huge crowds
of people
washed away into nothingness
and the pain
of the loved ones
left behind.
The past decade
greeted me with another year.
I am 45
I am finally happy who I am
I love my body
I love my mind
I love my life.
HAPPY NEW YEAR
Love your life
Keep your life
Don’t dwell on the past
too long.
A lot of people give
their lifes away
too easy
Even in our
money hungry world
there is no value
in letting your own life go…
