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See You in the Bahamas: A Short Story

Updated on June 6, 2010

See You in the Bahamas

Victor sits across from me at their dining room table wearing his linen napkin as a bib. A few times, I sat on that same chair. Between us is a carved pork roast atop a wood slab accompanied by very large butcher knife. His glass of cabernet was positioned precisely at two o’clock and with each mouthful of chewed up food, he takes a healthy swig mechanically. I too had a plateful and a glass of my own but wasn’t very hungry. I’m what others would call a nibbler. I look at their cherry wood grandfather clock that stands behind him: It was already a quarter to eight. Glass in hand, he leans in and smiles.

“Is there someplace you need to be?” Victor asks.

“In a little while,” I say, doing my best to sound modest.

He forces out a laugh then dabs at his lips with his napkin leaving a blemish like lipstick against the field of white linen. He then goes back to slicing his pork with his steak knife; the veins in his hand protruding out further and further with each slice.

“Beautiful, isn’t she?” He says as I’m coming back around again. He’s holding a portrait of Jessica with one arm swung around the top of his chair. She’s smiling widely at the camera and wearing a white string bikini; her healthy gold-brown hair flowing effortlessly in the Caribbean breeze. Behind her, a crystal-blue ocean stretches for miles towards the horizon. She couldn’t have looked happier. Victor’s glass of cabernet was now empty and so was his plate. “This was taken when we were in the Bahamas a year ago…She loved the Bahamas.” Yes, the Bahamas. I remember.


Laughter now.

I look across from me and the time, according to their grandfather clock, is a quarter past eight. My eyes roll to the left to the place where Victor was sitting but now vacant. I think I’ve been drugged, but I’m not sure. I look at my glass of cabernet and wonder about this for a moment just as something cuts the air and strikes my head, just above my right ear. An explosion of pain overcomes me and I’m lying atop their smooth mahogany floor sideways. Lying next to me is Jessica—her portrait that is—the same one only moments earlier Victor was holding onto so admiringly. The brass frame was now bent and bits of broken glass are embedded in my cheek. Even now, she’s smiling at me.

“How was that backhand?” Victor says while standing over me, gripping tightly Jessica’s five-hundred dollar birthday present from me. “You like that, asshole?” And again with Jessica’s present, same side. This time Victor teed off. I thought my head was going to take flight with the follow-through. I was going numb, not feeling a thing. I was past the point of feeling any more pain. Victor steps over me, where he was going, I didn’t know.


I’m sitting up now but not under my own power. My head is matted with blood and Victor’s got a fistful of my hair. He twists it around so I’m facing him.

“YOU DID THIS!” He screams in my face, spittle flying. “YOU DID THIS TO YOURSELF!” Victor looks disappointed and so a single tear falls down his cheek but I don’t think he notices it. He steers me with his hand again and this time my eyes find Jessica lying on the floor again, still smiling at me.

Now he’s got me in a lover’s embrace from behind: With one hand he’s holding a handful of my hair and with the other, he’s holding the large butcher knife. I can see myself in the shiny blade.

“Fuck you,” Victor whispers into my ear like a lover. His knife was at the ready. The door to the kitchen suddenly bursts open and it’s her in the flesh. Her dangling Gucci bag slides off her shoulder and falls to the floor as she runs towards us.

“VICTOR! NO!” Jessica screams after him. “NO, VICTOR NO!” Too late. I feel the cold steel against my sticky neck, just underneath my Adam’s apple, and then God it’s so quick, so fast. At one time we were good friends, Victor and I, and this was how I repaid him. Dammit. It was a game none of us would have won, a game none of us could win…With both my hands I reach out to her, My Jessica, so maybe, just maybe, I can touch her one last time.


Copyright © 2009. All Rights Reserved.

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    • profile image

      Ghost32 7 years ago

      Hmmm...powerful scene, Dohn, but not one I'll read twice. Y'see, when I read, I'm THERE, and the dude with his throat cut is presented in first person. Which means I just lost out to Victor's knife.

      I don't ever put myself in that position knowingly and will be much more careful reading anything of yours that might sneak up on me in the future.

      Excuse me while I go patch up my torn throat. There's not much time....

    • dohn121 profile image
      Author

      dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York

      Okay, hahaha. I kinda liked this one, but the other person who read this disliked it. One of my fan favorites is "The Absence of Aurora" it that suits you Ghost. Lemme know.

    • rsmallory profile image

      Rebecca Sue Mallory 7 years ago from Central Texas

      Betrayal hurts. So, uummmm, sorry? I don't really know how to react to this one. Once again, I will say you set a scene nicely-good detail.

    • dohn121 profile image
      Author

      dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York

      No, it's fine. I just wrote it to test just how ruthlessly cunning a character can be--call it a writing exercise. A few of my friends who are writers didn't really care for this story, but I did. I liked that the narrator was so enraptured with Jessica right up until being murdered. Pretty grisly, I know.

    • WildEyes profile image

      WildEyes 7 years ago

      Okay, so now I'm just jealous. I want to see the Bahamas. We know to leave Victor at home. :)

    • dohn121 profile image
      Author

      dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York

      Ha! Thanks, WildEyes. I think a cruise is in order, what about you? A few of my friends didn't like this story (I get mixed reviews on this one). I really liked the fact that the narrator is so stubborn as to not relinquish his want to be with Jessica (what an idiot).

    • profile image

      hubpageswriter 7 years ago

      Wow! Intense.. good story .. the power of betrayal can strike at any time..

    • dohn121 profile image
      Author

      dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York

      Thanks, hubpageswriter! I wanted to be as sinister as I possible could in this one. I do like this story, but some found it a bit over-the-top. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

    • Peggy W profile image

      Peggy Woods 7 years ago from Houston, Texas

      Don't know what I was expecting...

      Powerful writing exercise on your part. Short and executed (no pun intended) well.

    • dohn121 profile image
      Author

      dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York

      You can probably tell that I like Stephen King from reading this. Believe me, I don't (at least not consciously) try to emulate his writing, but he has certainly played a roll in my lifetime, as I read just about everything he's written. Thank you again, Peggy!

    • Truth From Truth profile image

      Truth From Truth 7 years ago from Michigan

      Well done. Anytime your left wanting to know more, wanting the story to continue then the objective has been reached.

      very good. Thanks.

    • dohn121 profile image
      Author

      dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York

      Thank you so much, TFT. This story was a bit of an experiment for me. I'm glad that you liked it even more because of that. Thank you for the compliment.

    • habee profile image

      Holle Abee 7 years ago from Georgia

      Great detail. Hope it doesn't ruin the Bahamas for me! lol.

    • dohn121 profile image
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      dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York

      Thanks habee! Just be faithful and you'll avoid such a fate ;)

    • profile image

      poetlorraine 7 years ago

      i enjoyed reading this, i know what you mean about sometimes just doing an exercise in writing. I am doing that at the moment, and i am always grateful for your comments. Conscious of the fact i do not read nearly enough of your hubs, so trying to put that right. keep writing

    • dohn121 profile image
      Author

      dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York

      Thank you, Brenda. You are becoming a better storyteller (I failed to tell you beforehand). I see some marked improvement in you and see more stories in you. Just keep at it and don't ever quit! You know I'll support your work as much as I can :D I'm always curious to see how you're doing and won't ever forget you and you know that! Thanks so much for reading this ;)

    • profile image

      poetlorraine 7 years ago

      thanks a lot, i am so happy that you take an interest in my work, it is kind of you

    • dohn121 profile image
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      dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York

      You're welcome, Brenda! It's a pleasure :)

    • G Miah profile image

      Gous Ahmed 7 years ago from Muslim Nation

      That was class, once again a short story with longevity. Love the first comment up there!

    • dohn121 profile image
      Author

      dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York

      Ah! I love it: "A short story with longevity." Good one, my friend. Thank you again :D

    • profile image

      Ceasar2006 7 years ago

      nice story.

    • dohn121 profile image
      Author

      dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York

      Thanks, Cesar2006. I'm glad you liked it.

    • manlypoetryman profile image

      manlypoetryman 7 years ago from (Texas !) Boldly Writing Poems Where No Man Has Gone Before...

      Your imagination is in hyperdrive...as always, dohn121! I thought you might take us along on a journey to the Bahamas...with Jessica...and that white string bikini...but instead we ended up getting our _ss kicked ...in true tennis form...and then stabbed to the neck...Ouch! Very interesting journey...and read...I liked the surprise of the story not going...the direction...myself, the reader...would have been hoping! Good one...from a great writer...who knows how to drop us right into the middle of his story...later, my friend!

    • Moulik Mistry profile image

      Moulik Mistry 7 years ago from Burdwan, West Bengal, India

      Powerful story, very well written...

    • dohn121 profile image
      Author

      dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York

      Sorry, manlypoetryman for not responding to you sooner. I appreciate the feedback as this story was a bit of a project of mine (I blame it on all of those Stephen King books I've read since my high school years). What you described is exactly how I envisioned it--for the reader to leave with a sense of complete and utter dread :) Thank you so much, my friend. It's always great to hear from you!

    • dohn121 profile image
      Author

      dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York

      Thanks again, Moulik Mistry. I'm glad you think so.

    • wavegirl22 profile image

      Shari 7 years ago from New York, NY

      so thus wasnt what I was expecting to happen. which I hear means that you wrote one really good story. . you sure did lure me in here. Great as usual. But then again I expect nothing less than great from you;)

      xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

    • dohn121 profile image
      Author

      dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York

      You that I always love seeing and reading your comments on my hubs, Shari. After reading this story, can you tell I was a bit influenced by Stephen King? I was reading "Everything's Eventual" when I wrote this. No wonder I always have an urge to write a sonnet after reading a Shakespearean play!

      Thanks you so much fro reading this! *smooches*

    • profile image

      AuntPhoebe 6 years ago

      Dohn:

      Loved it! It's a lazy Saturday and I was searching for info. for my first trip to the Bahamas and I happened upon this; lucky find. Thanks. AP

    • dohn121 profile image
      Author

      dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York

      Hey, AuntPhoebe. Thanks! Many people who end up reading this are really surprised (if not shocked) by what the consequently find, as they "didn't expect" the story to be what it is. Thanks for the comment and compliment :D

    • Heart Felt Book profile image

      Cheri Taylor 6 years ago from New York, NY

      THIS WAS SO PRETTY AND BEAUTIFUL I AM GOING TO SHARE THIS ON MY PROFILE...GREAT HUB

    • dohn121 profile image
      Author

      dohn121 5 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York

      Thank you HFB! I don't think others will agree with you :D If anything else, I call this piece a sleight tribute to one of my favorite authors: Stephen King.

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