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To Myself

Updated on May 8, 2019
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He loves to write. It is his passion. It is also his time of reflection and a time to discover more about life.

There are things we want to do for ourselves and achieve; we want for ourselves to become. However, there are millions of things which will stir you away from what you wanted. And only you can decide: to follow what you desired or to divert to the desires of the world. It is a tough fight. I always am caught in this battle. It is an everyday struggle.

Instead of seeing it as a problem, consider it as a challenge or purpose of living. As for me, it is my challenge to have control of the sail. The world has given a lot of strong currents. Sometimes I get carried away, but my heart never loses sight of its desires. I embraced them, but then walked away from them. Then they would reappear to me. And I told myself to regain full strength to go against the pull of the world. Every time it happens my heart starts pumping sending sparks to every inch of me. But in the end, it needs my decision, to where I am going to set foot.

It is either you paddle or you let the current take you. You choose.
It is either you paddle or you let the current take you. You choose.

My Currents

You might be wondering about the current I am talking about here. Well, these are the things which I considered a dream thief, time wasters and focus diverters. Instead of prioritizing the tasks I needed to accomplish, these things would pull my attention and make me do insignificant activities or nothing at all. As a result, I would not complete the necessary things I have to finish. I became unproductive. I wasted non-renewable resource, time.

My number one current is only a thing but packed with the content of the world, my phone plus internet. When I woke up, the first thing I would look at is my phone and check my social media notifications and news feed. As I got up, still holding with my phone browsing and tapping. Without noticing the time, it swiftly passes by for nothing. I hate it, but I cannot help it. It is hard to resist.

Second is me. It is my laziness without reason. It is my decision not to be strong enough to resist the force which keeps me away from my heart's desires. Despite being aware, still, I did. There were times I have been conscious that I was not using my time wisely, but I chose to keep doing.

Yes, I have been weak. I was not blind, but I was deaf to listen to the voice within. The world deceived me. It fed my fantasies which surely pleasured me, yet left me behind in the long run.

To Myself

So I wanted to claim myself back. I know it would not be an overnight work, but I wanted to pursue this. My dreams, my purpose, my aspiration, and myself, I will be chasing all of them until I will become accomplished.

To myself, please be humble and be who you are.

Being so exposed to social media lately, I have noticed how the number of likes feeds my ego. It bloated my head. But I am happy to know that I still have control of myself not to make it explode.

Acceptance is a necessity. It gives you a sense of belongingness, but it does not mean it should only come from others. It could also come from oneself. You should be the first one to accept yourself. So regardless of the figures in my notifications, I am who am. The quantity does not define me. As long as I know and accept myself, I will be happy and content to be me. The world can be blissful or hateful about me, but what matters is I celebrate my being me without compromising the rights and happiness of other people.

Moreover, I could be grateful for everything which happened to me. But it should be in a way not to belittle others. There will always be people who will be above or below, but better lie down to see everyone on the same horizon. I should see something in others worthy of appreciation, and give it to them wholeheartedly.

To myself, please restore your relationship with Him.

How should I do that? Prayer.

It has been one of my achievable this year, to improve my prayer life. I have started it but failed to sustain it. But now, I am trying to do it regularly. I have to. I hope, and I know I can.

To myself, please be simple and follow your heart.

Being simple means doing the best one can. There is no need to compare but only to do things by heart. In other words, it is following one's passion and heart's direction.

To myself, please be strong and be accomplished.

To be accomplished, I have to grow in strength. I must be strong to say no to time wasters. I have to keep an eye on my dreams, and aspirations in life. I should strive hard to direct all my hard work and effort towards its fulfillment. I know it is a matter of self-discipline. It will be me versus me. But with constant prayer and inspiration from my family, friends and my dreams, I know I can do it.

It was a perfect time to see someone sail his boat. Be the one to direct the sail.
It was a perfect time to see someone sail his boat. Be the one to direct the sail.

My Final Message

Enjoyment, we all want it. Who does not? But always bear in mind that like a coin, it has two faces. One can give you pleasure while the other one is a joy. Both sound good. But you have to be wary. Choose the one which will bring you closer to your dreams and will bring you blessings not only for yourself but also for the people around you.

Myself, choose to be good through the test of times.

© 2019 Jason Behm


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