ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

50 Plus, Laugh With Me, Bad Prose

Updated on March 7, 2015

Infernally Hot Day - Kills Yard Sale

Oh, yeah, it's going to be a scorcher baby.
Oh, yeah, it's going to be a scorcher baby. | Source

Shortest Yard Sale - Inferno

Times of reckless spending, charging it to chance are over.

The economy's a wreck. Insurance is due, landlord coming, take cover.

A forecast cooling down to 95F, we get moving.

Post signs all over town, I drive you tape, we will do this!

It is 3 a.m. in the morning,

We hope the meanies don't tear them down!

Yard sale ad says 8 a.m to whenever.

- Worrying, fussing, gathering everything around.

This will be good when it is over

If it can be replaced, it is to be Sold

We worked it with Grace, the customers were tipping, $8.00 for tape

Prices were low, 10 cents for a book,

$5.00 a Futon. cheap prices were the hook.

At the end of the day, we showed our groove was on.

Worn and sweaty, we made dinner for all.

That night we dreamed without any dread,

Sunday was coming our needs would be met.

- The morning light peaked over Earth's crust,

we waked up quickly, without any fuss.

Tired, weary, sporting sunburned noses,

Coffee, then, out there to off-load those clothes.

We made ready to haul the stuff out.

Opening the door we let our breath out!

8:00 a.m., we were set up and ready,

the 105° morning made us swoon, it was quite heady.

Hot Air re-blasting, brought a quick change of mind,

We could not be made to cook our brain,

hopefully we would be fine,

the Yard Sale ended at 8:09


(This was written in 2010 the first summer after the Deepwater Horizon disaster. It started a cyclic three year warming trend that hit us in Arkansas hard. High temperatures equaled unbelievable electric bills. It was a rough, and hot summer.)

Yard Sale - (country blues) Sammy Kershaw

Are the Trojans still good?

When you get older, you can do what you want.

Run around town, dance, stomp, cuss and snort.

No one to tell you, You're up way too late,

you're the boss of your life. Isn't it Great?

Reality sets in, get married, have a kid or two.

Schedules to keep, you're setting down rules!

Days, months, and the years scream by.

Quick as a switch, all the kids are grown. You are 55.

Being mature, surviving life,

love, and tears all that shuck and jive

Older and wiser, sex isn't Taboo.

I've got extra condoms, purple and blue.

My box of Trojans were bought during the 2000 debate.

Being Boss doesn't mean it's easy to date.

The rubbers came in handy during last years water fight.

Been on some dates, they lasted one night.

My prophylactics are fancy in this hood.

As wise as I am, I wonder...

Are the Trojans still Good?

Life Of An Expired Condom

"Hair" - By The Cowsills 1966 - 2009

The Good Old Days were filled with the historic movement of Aquarius,

Peace, Love and Groovy.

Necks boasted love beads, trinkets, and vials.

Wearing only Giant Bell Bottom pants, tie-dyed dresses and smelling of patchouli.

My skin was unwrinkled, I wore a size 9,

Today my belt is "Orion"

It can go around twice.

Then, boys and girls higher than Air

Long Flowing Locks, Dreds and Afros were there.

Inspiration brought forth The Musical "Hair".

Youngsters have one big worry;

The only thing to mess up a young face,

is one zit, or pimples scattered than one place.

The end of the world comes at the school dance,

not Carrie unleashed, instead It arrived,

The mountain on the end of my nose, a band-aid on the face.

Years have zoomed by, pimples come and go.

Shaving becomes tiring. Tanning and waxing a bore,

Decades speed by, where did the years go?

Fifty years and I still find a zit or two.

No one warned us of this, how would we know?

Can I trade pimples for wrinkles? Can I have clear skin?

**They say what comes around goes around,

I find this is true.

"Hair" is a production with a mind of its own.

Four decades later,

it makes me blue. I still care!

Life is so unfair, instead of a pimple, now...

in less than an hour, on my chin, I can sprout a three inch Hair!

"Hair" by The Cowsills - The Song

© 2010 Lori J Latimer

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • LillyGrillzit profile imageAUTHOR

      Lori J Latimer 

      8 years ago from The River Valley, Arkansas

      Thank you for seeing the Humor, It would take me 200 years to use half that many!...LOL

    • Sweetsusieg profile image

      Sweetsusieg 

      8 years ago from Michigan

      Oh this was funny!! I did a double take on the trojan one, looked to the right, seen boxes of condoms then back again... What a good laugh! Thanks..

    • LillyGrillzit profile imageAUTHOR

      Lori J Latimer 

      8 years ago from The River Valley, Arkansas

      Right On Dorsi, I have a job interview at a Temp agency at 8:30am it is 2:53 here. I did take a 2 hour nap, but I get inspired at midnight? Glad you got a chuckle. I love that sorry Yard Sale country song! And, Yes we can do what we want!!!

    • Dorsi profile image

      Dorsi Diaz 

      8 years ago from The San Francisco Bay Area

      Lol....no more yard sales for me! The last one I spent days of He!! getting ready to make like a whopping $30. NO MORE!! Now the donation center loves me.

      Great hub and it gave me a chuckle at 1 am in the morning but hey, I can do as I please...and that means staying up late too...

      even If my foggy mind pays for it tomorrow, right?

    • LillyGrillzit profile imageAUTHOR

      Lori J Latimer 

      8 years ago from The River Valley, Arkansas

      Thank you! I was getting worried it may be too "out there"...it may be, but it is all in fun! Thank you for coming by and giving support...Peace!

    • katiem2 profile image

      katiem2 

      8 years ago from I'm outta here

      Well Well you go girl what a great informative variey pack. I love your shortest yard sale other shorts page, what a great concept! Peace

    • LillyGrillzit profile imageAUTHOR

      Lori J Latimer 

      8 years ago from The River Valley, Arkansas

      This is intended to poke fun at everyday distresses, and other things we put ourselves through...Hopefully the older crowd will enjoy.

    • LillyGrillzit profile imageAUTHOR

      Lori J Latimer 

      8 years ago from The River Valley, Arkansas

      Thank you!!!I am very excited. A goal finished is a good feeling!! Good Luck to you!!!

    • chan0512 profile image

      chan0512 

      8 years ago from Camarillo, CA

      1 more to go for 30/30. Good luck :)

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)