Showing What You Meant To Me

I pondered ways to show you how much you mean to me,

A letter written without haste and with only pure honesty.

Yet, my capacity in accurately portraying what I think and feel,

Verbally expressing emotions is hard for me I ponder as I kneel.

Growing up taught emotions you hide from all, ignored and barred,

Those years of being the target for their abuse just made me scarred.

I browsed inside Walgreen's card section trying to at least show i tried,

Took forever to find one that didn't utilize the L-word and shows I died.

I hoped you thought about us when you saw our picture left in your car,

I wonder if you ever look at me in secret and standing from afar.

Maybe I should give you photos printed to remind you of the good in me,

Or will you throw them away as we were never really meant to be.

I finally wrote you a letter that told you that I was in love with you,

Hardest thing to see on paper a confession and hardest thing to do.

Than I told you that I never fell in love before that I kept everyone out,

Also how I do not expect you to ever fall for me that isn't what its about.

Everyone should know how someone else feels about them before they die,

But we go before we are ready and often leave things unsaid and scream and cry.

I wrote I will never give you this letter either even though I intend to,

And it still is sitting in those cards from Walgreen's and I'm unsure what to do.

Should I finally send them in the mail as I am driving away for good,

Moving three thousand miles away where I am running back to my hood.

Where emotions you keep at bay and no one ever gets in too close,

In the ghetto if you let them in too is suicide by injecting a lethal dose.

One day you will understand when you confront what happened with us,

I am positive you will feel how I do like you were hit with an 18 wheeler truck and bus.

I love you and I always will for the rest of my life and I will never fall in love again,

I was made to fall in love once and forever but its not a blessing, its a curse and sin.

So let me keep running as far as I can for as long as I can and don't come after me,

Let me remember how it felt when for six months it was only us and you that I could see.

Please let me ponder ways to tell you how much you meant to me and let me forget,

Than one day accept you are in love with me and think of me when you smoke a cigarette.