Sinking
i ran to the place where we played hide and seek
and it was gone
i dropped to the ground and let out a deep chokeing cry
why is it that hideaways are so few and far between, and that they are so easily lost.
-------------------------------
so im back to that place now
where my tears evoke anger
and the slightest feeling must remain unseen
no conversation
no connection
just the motions
someone spin me
spin me until i sink into the oblivian
because im telling you
i cant take this
there is no escape anymore
i had a reason to try
and i did
and now
no matter what i do
everything will be erased
as if it never was
effort is futile
and the facade
that N tore down
has been built back up again
i feel like a still life
motionless and pretty
but surrounded by statues
no emotion
no response
lifeless.
the tears i cry are for you now
because youve dissapeared
and all the life you poured into me
is gone.
and im the only one feeling any absence.
the only one with no connection
i feel dead inside
i see my insides on the ground on front of me
fallen out
for you to enjoy
i was spinning
and now everything is still
i spread my arms out
and spin on my own
not even close.
this is not what i want
this is not what i need
this is not going to work
i asked you to trust
you didnt
my deception was white
my deception was well intended
for an easy break
but your intention
caused a disaterous rip
and now i wait
wait
wait
wait
for the explosion
for the massacre
for the inner breakdown to blow out
i no longer crawl outside of myself to feel happy
i just curl up inside of me
and wait for the storm to pass
L