I Am Who I Am, And That.

Life is about creating myself, not justifying my decisions or seeking support from others. My life is mine alone. Others do not decide on my behalf. They accompany me in my walk through life, they try to persuade me on things they feel are right, they try to make me look at things their way, but they simply have not been able ever to take decisions on my behalf. I am not scared to walk alone. I make my own path which I feel is relevant to what I want and where I wish to be. I really do not care about others who judge me on things that I believe firmly. I am what I am. If, in the course of my walk through life, I have affected anyone, it’s their problem, not mine. I am unaffected by them.

I am aware that I am completely alone in this world. I simply rely on myself and my judgments, nobody else’s. I have friends and family who I feel will support and help me when I need them, but I do not depend or wait for them to do such. I realize that I have come alone and will go alone some day. I also realize that my friends and families have lives of their own, where I am relatively unimportant. I have thus framed my life in a way where I can exist without any support system.

I have been created to survive on my own. I am aware that the choices I have made in my life have sometimes been a matter of great curiosity to others. At times, people have gone to the extent of asking me to explain my decisions. I am unfazed, for those are the choices that I have favored. I have never felt them to be anybody else’s business. I have always believed that justifying things or my decisions forces me to not being myself. I have my own desires, ideas, and experiences that are very personal and sacred to me. I am aware that if I live my life the way I am expected to by others, I merely exist and cease to live.

Here are some of my beliefs that have made me what I am. I do not ask you to follow me, but living for myself and not others is a better option than living for others and suffering all through this journey of living.

Michelle Obama during a TV interview in 2011 was asked why she had openly admitted that she herself was her first priority. The First Lady had responded, “No, not at all. It’s practical…. a lot of times we just slip pretty low on our own priority list because we’re so busy caring for everyone else. And one of the things that I want to model for my children is investing in themselves as much as they invest in others.” I need to be true to myself and be aware that not everyone will be true to me always. I have prioritized my own needs into my daily life. Then comes the others. I am always my first priority.

If I am angry or hurt, I am not ashamed at expressing such. I do not apologize for being emotional or sensitive. I am not afraid to show my inner self to others. I firmly believe that expressing my emotions is a sign of my inner strength. I also believe that people who judge me for being human and not being diplomatic enough, or modest and emotionless are the ones who are hiding themselves in a canopy of untruth and an unnecessary facade. They are the ones who suffer more since they are unable to control their own inner conflicts.

I really do not need to explain to anyone about how I live. I may not share a very close relationship with my spouse or my children, but then that’s my problem, not theirs. I may have decided to move in with my parents or rented a place for my own use, That’s a decision I have taken consciously. I am completely aware of my living situation and have my own reasons for doing so. It is really no one else’s business.

I have my own ideas on things that would make me and my family happy and comfortable. I again do not owe anyone any explanation for my priorities. It is my own decision and business and no one else’s.

I have the right to say no wherever and whenever I feel so. I prioritize the situation, and if I do not like something I have the courage to say no. I appreciate kindness and concern, but I am unafraid to say no to something that takes my focus away from my priority. The day I started saying no to things that I did not like, I felt more at peace with myself and my surroundings.

If I don’t care much for forgiveness from someone and do not regret whatever I have done or said because I have felt that they are wrong, I do not apologize. I pity those who apologize too quickly to try and heal a situation that is not yet ready to be healed. It only complicates matters more. I really do not need to apologize if I do not feel doing the same.

I really do not care if people call me rude when I wish to have time for myself. If I need to read a book, play a game of golf, or simply wish to unwind, it is my personal decision. I do not owe anyone any explanation for my time alone. It is my time, and I spend it the way I want to.

I am short, dark, fat, have a receding hairline and eyebrows. It is my business about how I look. The choices I make on the clothes I wear are mine alone. I know my self worth is not determined by the way I look. I am unapologetically me. I need not mask myself by wearing heels or a wig to camouflage my looks. I am what I am, take it or leave it. Choice is yours.

I have understood over time that the best investment that I can make of my limited time in the world is to spend it with people that I care about. I do not compare the progress I have made in life relative to others. Wherever I have failed, I have found that an opportunity to start afresh and be more careful than before. At the same time, if I have regretted something that I have done in the past, I have moved on without repent and have not held on to memories. I eat the way I like, I dress the way I prefer, I socialize with people I like, I call friends over to party whose presence unwind me. I do not need an ovation since I have nothing to justify. I care more about who I am to myself and less about who I am to others. I can so look any man in the eye and tell him to go to hell if need be, since I care about myself first and then others. Believe me, it helps!